Author Topic: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."  (Read 6883 times)

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CakeBeret

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"Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« on: May 21, 2012, 03:53:03 PM »
There is a person, Kate, who is pursuing a friendship with me, and I do not want to be friends. At all. I do not want to burn any bridges if at all possible, but I don't want to be associated with her. I think she is a really awful person, although I won't say that to her, of course.

I defriended her on Facebook today, and she will probably text me to ask why. What explanation can I give that's neutral and polite, without giving away my feelings?
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2012, 04:01:49 PM »
Are there categorical differences you can point to? (You like soccer, she likes photography; you like (activity); she likes (unrelated activity).

If so, you can say, "I want to focus on (your activity) and I find that's absorbing all of my time at present."
   Finally we shall place the Sun himself at the center of the Universe.


CakeBeret

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2012, 04:09:57 PM »
Are there categorical differences you can point to? (You like soccer, she likes photography; you like (activity); she likes (unrelated activity).

If so, you can say, "I want to focus on (your activity) and I find that's absorbing all of my time at present."

No, not really. We have kids near each others' ages and some similar interests.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

25wishes

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2012, 04:34:33 PM »
"I'm paring down my friends list because I am uncomfortable with the privacy settings on Facebook."

Actually she may not notice you un-friended her.

Slartibartfast

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2012, 04:50:00 PM »
No need to reply to her text unless you want to - just ignore it.  Chances are, it will blow over with no problem.

TootsNYC

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2012, 04:54:40 PM »
I like the Facebook answer. And for others, just say, "I'm pretty busy with my family and friends." (implication, she isn't either of those--but it's hard for her to argue with or take *immediate* offense at)

Jones

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2012, 05:26:14 PM »
I am very eager to see answers on this thread due to a similar thing in my own life.

A particular person pushed herself into my "Geek group" and is apparently the bee's knees (heh-I'm only 26 and I love that phrase). I was great with that, always nice to get another gal in a group, our kids got along...Anyway, she pulled a bunch of moves, some that I posted about in the Special Snowflakes thread, so DH and I started to withdraw socially; then on Facebook she started to offend us quite a bit with excessively grating judgements on specific people and beliefs. It took some "don't want to rock the boat" time, but we both unfriended her.

She never asked why. She seemed to take it as it was meant; we weren't invited to kids' birthday parties (though I'd have had to decline after the SS treatment last time), they didn't call, and we didn't see each other except in large group settings.

At a recent group picnic she was running a conversation, totally ignoring and speaking over me and my opinions. My husband started having a side conversation with people he sat next to, she'd butt in on them with her comments to his companions, he would look at her until she stopped for a breath then he continued his sentence from the word she interrupted.  >:D Yes, she seriously offended him, how did you know?

OP, you may have to deal with this in person, but until Katie contacts you, I wouldn't worry too much about it. She may be so offended she'll decide to ignore you and the defriending the way my SS did. But if she goes all dramatic to mutual friends, they'll see who the drama queen is. If she gets really mean about you they'll see who the meanie is. If she only complains to people you don't know, then it doesn't really matter.

CakeBeret

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2012, 05:33:48 PM »
"I'm paring down my friends list because I am uncomfortable with the privacy settings on Facebook."

Actually she may not notice you un-friended her.

I like this a lot.

I do think she'll notice, because she comments on almost every status update and photo I post. Which is not a lot, but still...

Jones, Katie has alienated so many people recently that I'm not even worried about her complaining.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Giggity

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2012, 05:47:23 PM »
Ignore the text.
Words mean things.

LadyL

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2012, 05:55:07 PM »
I like the "paring down my friends list" line.

I also use a variant of "I limit my list to people I see on a daily basis, or people from far away I am keeping in touch with." Then it's more about the person's proximity to me than anything personal.

If they really push I think it's fine to say "We have very different views on a lot of issues."

JustEstelle

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2012, 07:28:00 PM »
You can always block her if you wish.

The Ricker

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2012, 03:27:16 PM »
I do not want to burn any bridges if at all possible, but I don't want to be associated with her.

You cannot have it both ways.  Disassociating yourself from her is burning a bridge.  That is fine.  Accept it, own it, bite the bullet, rip the bandaid off and cut her out of your life. 

TheVapors

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2012, 06:29:55 AM »
I do not want to burn any bridges if at all possible, but I don't want to be associated with her.

You cannot have it both ways.  Disassociating yourself from her is burning a bridge.  That is fine.  Accept it, own it, bite the bullet, rip the bandaid off and cut her out of your life.

I think burning a bridge would be actually saying, "I think you're a terrible person." The OP clearly does not want to do that. She would rather stay civil, and move towards growing a distance. That's not burning a bridge.

It's not necessary to burn a bridge every time you dislike something or someone. A person can dislike something, or someone, and do so politely. Simply disassociating yourself from someone is not burning a bridge.

portabella

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2012, 11:52:18 PM »
Ignore the text (if it happens).  You owe her nothing.
The first time someone shows you who they really are, pay attention.

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: "Because I think you're a terrible person, that's why."
« Reply #14 on: June 25, 2012, 07:02:43 AM »
"My Facebook feed was getting too time consuming to follow, so I pared down my friend list."