I would be uncomfortable with having a lot of random pictures of my wedding all over facebook, especially if it was the first wave and I haven't even had a chance to post. You weren't hired to be the photographer. 3-4 images of you and your friends ... NOT the bride would be acceptable to post without permission but posting an image of the bride, the cake, the hall etc is off limits in my opinion because they probably paid a boatload of money and would like to also make attempts at shaping the social memory of the event. Let them.
The only thing the bride and groom get to control by paying for a photographer is the quality of the photographs in their wedding album. No one controls the "social memory" of an event. It's really an absurd concept when you really think about it (not to pick on you, pickles, but I really don't think it makes sense under scrutiny). Let's break down what it might mean:
1. People on the internet seeing non-professional photos of the wedding will somehow taint their memory of the event.
2. Conversely, seeing professional, beautifully shot photos would enhance everyone's "social memory" somehow.
3. It is somehow insensitive to share one's photographic record of an event before the professional photos come out, because of the cost of the professional photos, as if the cost of photography has a bearing on anyone but the people paying for it. So, if the bride paid $1000 should you wait one week to post photos, but if she paid $4000 you wait a month? If an art student friend took the photos as a favor can you post the photos right away? Bringing the money paid into etiquette makes no sense.
The most I would agree to is, don't post unflattering or very personal (i.e. first kiss) pictures of the bride and groom on facebook, especially if they are really bad quality (i.e. blurry, terrible red eye, etc.) because seeing a *bad* photo from your wedding might actually make you feel bad for a second (as a bride/groom).
I will further add that it is perfectly fine to have whatever emotional, irrational reaction you have to a situation - etiquette is only concerned with actions. I would say the friend in the OP was rude because she basically tried to guilt the OP into taking the photos down by acting like the OP had overstepped . It was the friend that overstepped by justifying her request by mentioning how much money was paid for the photos. She made an invasive request that was really poorly justified, given how controlling it comes off. If she had just picked up the phone and said "look, I know this may seem nuts, but we are really excited for the pro photos and would prefer those go up first" and left money out of it, it might have never made it onto ehell