Posting wedding photos online.

[Teenyweeny]

If you don't want people to put pictures of your wedding on FB, then that's an unusual expectation in this day and age. And you should communicate those expectations BEFORE the wedding.

I loved my wedding, I thought it was absolutely wonderful. However I don't 'own' the perception of my wedding. That's out of my hands now. My wedding isn't a brand, whose identity I need to protect. It was a wonderful DAY, which many people shared. It doesn't become less wonderful because somebody puts up a few (or a hundred) blurry snaps on FB. And yes, that did happen. I didn't care.

Honestly, I find the idea that you own the memory of your wedding to be pretty ridiculous. Do I get to have one of those MIB-style flash lights, and go around blinking it at people who didn't much care for the centrepieces, so I can preserve the perception of my wedding as a perfect day_TM? Of course not.

I'd feel differently if somebody didn't want ANY photos of their wedding on FB. That shows a wish for privacy, and that I can respect. But to say, "I only want to upload photos that allow me to preserve the appropriate 'social memory' of my wedding" is just silly. 

[MariaE]

I'd feel differently if somebody didn't want ANY photos of their wedding on FB. That shows a wish for privacy, and that I can respect. But to say, "I only want to upload photos that allow me to preserve the appropriate 'social memory' of my wedding" is just silly.

Thank you, I was trying to put my finger on what bothered me with this situation, and you expressed it perfectly. It's not that she doesn't want any photos up on FB (because that I could understand), but that she only wants "approved" photos.

Silly indeed.

[Hmmmmm]

I think posting over 100 pictures was the problem.  It wasn't your event, so you posting so many pictures was ...  not sure how to put this ... kind of over-the-top.  I can see posting a few (a dozen maybe?  Two dozen maybe?) of your best shots of your friends, but posting over 100?  Too much.  I can see the HC being bothered by that.

POD

If someone slogs through a 100 shots you uploaded few people will have the desire to then go through the professional album as well. 

Leaving a few shots of you and your close friends would be fine, but more than 10 implies a certain amount of ownership of the event to me. 

[LadyL]

I think posting over 100 pictures was the problem.  It wasn't your event, so you posting so many pictures was ...  not sure how to put this ... kind of over-the-top.  I can see posting a few (a dozen maybe?  Two dozen maybe?) of your best shots of your friends, but posting over 100?  Too much.  I can see the HC being bothered by that.

POD

If someone slogs through a 100 shots you uploaded few people will have the desire to then go through the professional album as well. 

Leaving a few shots of you and your close friends would be fine, but more than 10 implies a certain amount of ownership of the event to me.

I go to events in NYC where sometimes, a dozen people will each upload several hundred photos each (the Jazz age lawn party is one). Some will even write blog posts covering the event. Sometimes the NY times style section even covers it. The idea that they are each "claiming ownership" of the event through this behavior is frankly preposterous. It's a visually and culturally interesting event, so people photograph it and write about it.  End of story. The person who "owns" it is the organizer, Micheal Aranella, and he realizes that the photos are great publicity - whether they be good  or bad, blurry or not.

In terms of weddings, they are fun, often pretty, and personally meaningful to people other than just the bride and groom. If that weren't the case the B&G wouldn't feel the need to invite anyone but themselves. The idea of inviting people to an event and then dictating their behavior is not good hosting, IMHO. It is also exactly what I am shying away from with my own wedding. No one is being told what color to wear, where they should sit, or when they should eat. I understand there are sometimes good reasons to do so but I don't like the idea of telling adults what to do at a party, I'd rather people have their own fun, and simply enable them to do so however they see fit.

I see this as a similar issue - telling someone they can't or shouldn't post these photos is a restriction that better have a much stronger justification than "it makes me feel sad that your photos aren't as pretty as our professional ones might be."

If you are having a private party and you want to have a photography policy regarding social media, you should think about that before your event, not after, especially in this day and age.

[Hmmmmm]

I think posting over 100 pictures was the problem.  It wasn't your event, so you posting so many pictures was ...  not sure how to put this ... kind of over-the-top.  I can see posting a few (a dozen maybe?  Two dozen maybe?) of your best shots of your friends, but posting over 100?  Too much.  I can see the HC being bothered by that.

POD

If someone slogs through a 100 shots you uploaded few people will have the desire to then go through the professional album as well. 

Leaving a few shots of you and your close friends would be fine, but more than 10 implies a certain amount of ownership of the event to me.

I go to events in NYC where sometimes, a dozen people will each upload several hundred photos each (the Jazz age lawn party is one). Some will even write blog posts covering the event. Sometimes the NY times style section even covers it. The idea that they are each "claiming ownership" of the event through this behavior is frankly preposterous. It's a visually and culturally interesting event, so people photograph it and write about it.  End of story. The person who "owns" it is the organizer, Micheal , and he realizes that the photos are great publicity - whether they be good  or bad, blurry or not.

In terms of weddings, they are fun, often pretty, and personally meaningful to people other than just the bride and groom. If that weren't the case the B&G wouldn't feel the need to invite anyone but themselves. The idea of inviting people to an event and then dictating their behavior is not good hosting, IMHO. It is also exactly what I am shying away from with my own wedding. No one is being told what color to wear, where they should sit, or when they should eat. I understand there are sometimes good reasons to do so but I don't like the idea of telling adults what to do at a party, I'd rather people have their own fun, and simply enable them to do so however they see fit.

I see this as a similar issue - telling someone they can't or shouldn't post these photos is a restriction that better have a much stronger justification than "it makes me feel sad that your photos aren't as pretty as our professional ones might be."

If you are having a private party and you want to have a photography policy regarding social media, you should think about that before your event, not after, especially in this day and age.

I'm not seeing the correlation between a public venture Aranella's Lawn Party where he actually issues a press kit prior to the event and is trying to increase coverage as it is a for profit adventure (I believe tickets are usually around $15) and a private wedding. 

IMHO, it is bad form to post that many photos of a private event on social media.  However I am well aware that I am in the minority.  A photo of me and my family at the wedding, or one of me with the bride and groom, great!   Or even a group picture of our entire side of the family.  But unless there are just a ton of repetative photos, 100 would imply it was almost a complete chronicling of the entire wedding.  As a guest of a private event, I would not feel I had that right.

[Twirly]

One of my favorite honeymoon memories was going through all the wedding photos our friends and family posted on FB. I wouldn’t see the professional proofs for a few more weeks anyway and had absolutely zero qualms about my loved one's candid's being everyone's first look…I think I would've actually been pretty disappointed if nobody posted any.  Plus as it turns out I hated every single professional photo, they all looked very forced and uncomfortable whereas the pics my friends took were relaxed and touching and beautiful and hilarious and so became fodder for my album and frames instead!

I will say that I am not at all a private person so I know that skews my view. I think if the HC doesn’t want photos of their wedding posted on FB they need to tell people before the fact and also understand that in this day in age it's probably going to end up there regardless.

[turnip]

People keep saying the bride 'needed' to say something before the event if she didn't want photos posted - as though not thinking of everything beforehand is now an etiquette violation.    It didn't occur to her, it might not have occurred to many of us, and what she did was write a perfectly polite note kindly asking the OP to take down her photos.   I don't see that as so egregious. 

And I agree that there is a vast difference between a public event and a wedding.  A wedding is still a private party that we host outside our homes mostly because most of us don't have room for everyone inside our homes.    Someone else posting 100 photos of our private party when we didn't want them too would, I think, rub a lot of us the wrong way, even in 'this day and age'.   

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page. 

[Katharos]

I was in a wedding a few weeks ago and the bride hates facebook with the fiery passion of a thousands suns. Seriously, don't get her started on the subject!  She had her officiant make an announcement at the start of the ceremony to ask people not to post pictures on any form of social media. 

She and I talked about it beforehand and I know specifically she doesn't want pictures of her floating around for privacy issues. So if I come across a nice picture of just me from that day, I'll post it.

[LadyL]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

[Oh Joy]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'd have a hard time quantifying it.  I kind of liken it to eye contact...too long and direct makes people squirm, but everyone has their own feeling of 'too much' and it varies by context.

If I had to name an objective starting point, I'd suggest a half dozen to a dozen?  But that doesn't mean I'm issuing an etiquette decree of 'never post more than 12 photos without permission' any more than I'd say 'never look at someone more than five seconds without blinking.'  You (general 'you') have the right to do either...but it might detract from an objective to treat friends with consideration for their comfort.

[Autumn45]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I also find 100 photos to be excessive as well.  I think about 25 to 30 photos is a good amount if you are close to the couple.  If you aren't close to the couple (a distant relative or a guest of a guest) you should limit the amount of photos you upload to facebook even more, and consider not putting it in a separate album labelled "Jack & Jill's Wedding" but in an album that includes all of your photos for the season or year.

[Teenyweeny]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I also find 100 photos to be excessive as well.  I think about 25 to 30 photos is a good amount if you are close to the couple.  If you aren't close to the couple (a distant relative or a guest of a guest) you should limit the amount of photos you upload to facebook even more, and consider not putting it in a separate album labelled "Jack & Jill's Wedding" but in an album that includes all of your photos for the season or year.

I'm sorry, but I think that's just silly.

Mandating the number of photos I can put up, and whether or not I can post them in a separate album? Honestly, if somebody asked me to do that, I'd think they were crazy, or that they needed bigger things to worry about.

I can totally get not wanting ANY photos up. Some people are concerned about internet privacy etc. But saying, "Well, you can put up 6 photos if we're just acquaintances. Friends can put up 12. BFFs get 30, and they can put those in a separate album if they wish" is just a level of controlling behaviour that I would find ridiculous.

 

[Twirly]

People keep saying the bride 'needed' to say something before the event if she didn't want photos posted - as though not thinking of everything beforehand is now an etiquette violation.    It didn't occur to her, it might not have occurred to many of us, and what she did was write a perfectly polite note kindly asking the OP to take down her photos.   I don't see that as so egregious. 

Oh I don't think it was egregious at all, it seems to me everyone handled the situation beautifully. I just think it's something important for the modern bride to consider as this kind of picture posting is more and more common every year. I also don't think asking people to take down pictures of your wedding is any different than asking people to take down any other pictures of you they might have posted - most people will do it without complaint but there will always be some who refuse.

[Betelnut]

Funnily enough, my most fond/prominant memories of the weddings/receptions I've been to rarely include the actual wedding ceremony or the happy couple (because they are too busy to come around and socialize).  It has been of the music, the food, the other people, the dancing, the venue, seeing old friends and relatives who I haven't seen in years.  So pictures I have of those weddings are not "of the wedding" but from the reception and the fun time I had there. Therefore, I don't think it is that weird to post lots of pictures (yes, 100) from that event.  It really has nothing to do with the happy couple but more to do with the great party they threw.

[Teenyweeny]

Funnily enough, my most fond/prominant memories of the weddings/receptions I've been to rarely include the actual wedding ceremony or the happy couple (because they are too busy to come around and socialize).  It has been of the music, the food, the other people, the dancing, the venue, seeing old friends and relatives who I haven't seen in years.  So pictures I have of those weddings are not "of the wedding" but from the reception and the fun time I had there. Therefore, I don't think it is that weird to post lots of pictures (yes, 100) from that event.  It really has nothing to do with the happy couple but more to do with the great party they threw.

The only wedding ceremony I remember more than 30 seconds of is my own. Truthfully, in my circle, the wedding is allllll about the party. I can easily see somebody taking 50+ photos, most of which would not be 'wedding' photos.