Posting wedding photos online.

[LadyL]

My point about brides thinking about this ahead of time is that people seem to vary to such extremes about how they feel on the matter, from "I loved seeing the photos friends and family posted - the more the better!" to "Seeing people post large albums of photos dampened my joy and perceived ownership of the event". And since most weddings have 50+ guests it's likely that some guests will think nothing of posting a huge album full of "party shots" whereas others would consider that a big faux pas or overstepping.

Better a bride make their wishes known ahead of time rather than doing "damage control" after the fact.

[turnip]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'm not even considering what the bride and groom want.   If I had a friend 'Sally' on FB and 'Sally' posted over 100 photos of 'Fred and Wilma's' wedding, I think I'd raise an eyebrow.  Why does Sally think I care about Fred and Wilma?   Who could possibly be interested in that many wedding photos of total strangers?

[#borecore]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'm not even considering what the bride and groom want.   If I had a friend 'Sally' on FB and 'Sally' posted over 100 photos of 'Fred and Wilma's' wedding, I think I'd raise an eyebrow.  Why does Sally think I care about Fred and Wilma?   Who could possibly be interested in that many wedding photos of total strangers?

I'm just estimating here, but I'd say my 300 Facebook friends post hundreds of photos a week. I only look at a dozen or so in an average week, more if there's something I like a lot -- sometimes I feel like browsing through two dozen face closeups of my friend's infant, sometimes I don't, and it's not the new mom's responsibility to guess what my mood is on a given day. I don't see how this is any different. You look at what you want to look at (and that includes photos of your own wedding or events you've attended). You don't have to care about everything your friends post, nor do I think there's an assumption that you do.

[turnip]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'm not even considering what the bride and groom want.   If I had a friend 'Sally' on FB and 'Sally' posted over 100 photos of 'Fred and Wilma's' wedding, I think I'd raise an eyebrow.  Why does Sally think I care about Fred and Wilma?   Who could possibly be interested in that many wedding photos of total strangers?

I'm just estimating here, but I'd say my 300 Facebook friends post hundreds of photos a week. I only look at a dozen or so in an average week, more if there's something I like a lot -- sometimes I feel like browsing through two dozen face closeups of my friend's infant, sometimes I don't, and it's not the new mom's responsibility to guess what my mood is on a given day. I don't see how this is any different. You look at what you want to look at (and that includes photos of your own wedding or events you've attended). You don't have to care about everything your friends post, nor do I think there's an assumption that you do.

I have lots of friends who post lots of pictures too - but I have never seen someone post 100 photos of someone else's event.  If my friend posted 100 photos of anther friend's kid or another friend's vacation, I would find that odd too. 

[WillyNilly]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'm not even considering what the bride and groom want.   If I had a friend 'Sally' on FB and 'Sally' posted over 100 photos of 'Fred and Wilma's' wedding, I think I'd raise an eyebrow.  Why does Sally think I care about Fred and Wilma?   Who could possibly be interested in that many wedding photos of total strangers?

I have about 200 FB friends.  I have no idea if any have or have not posted 100 photos of any particular event.  Because all that shows up in my feed is 1-3 pictures, usually thumbnails and a line about how they posted photos in [whatever] album.   

The only way anyone could ever know if their FB friends were posting 100's of photos is if they set themselves up to receive extra notifications about their their FB's postings or if they seek the pictures out on their friends pages.

So if you are turned off by the idea of 100+ picture albums, the solution is don't seek them out.  Because those 100+ picture albums aren't seeking you out.

[LadyL]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

I'm not even considering what the bride and groom want.   If I had a friend 'Sally' on FB and 'Sally' posted over 100 photos of 'Fred and Wilma's' wedding, I think I'd raise an eyebrow.  Why does Sally think I care about Fred and Wilma?   Who could possibly be interested in that many wedding photos of total strangers?

I have about 200 FB friends.  I have no idea if any have or have not posted 100 photos of any particular event.  Because all that shows up in my feed is 1-3 pictures, usually thumbnails and a line about how they posted photos in [whatever] album.   

The only way anyone could ever know if their FB friends were posting 100's of photos is if they set themselves up to receive extra notifications about their their FB's postings or if they seek the pictures out on their friends pages.

So if you are turned off by the idea of 100+ picture albums, the solution is don't seek them out.  Because those 100+ picture albums aren't seeking you out.

POD. I'm really confused how now posting lots of pictures of someone else's event is not only imposing on the B&G but also on everyone on your friend's list as well. Unless you post each of the 100 photos one by one, all anyone sees is "Turnip has posted a new album."

People post self indulgent stuff on facebook all the time. Some people have 100 photos of just themselves. I thought the consensus in the past was that facebook is a "my house, my rules" situation except it's more like "my page, my rules." The real life analogue would be, if you want to have a scrapbook dedicated to your cousin June's wedding, that might be a little weird to some people but it's your right to do and it's not rude. Maybe June is your godchild and it was an important day for you, or maybe you did June's wedding planning as a favor so you have the pictures as a portfolio of sorts, or maybe you just had a really good time at it and wanted to memorialize the experience. I know my dad has wedding albums for both my married stepbrothers, and if you go over his house you can pick one up and browse dozens of photos - is that really that much different than if he were to post all those photos on his facebook? Or is it ok for him to "own" the event since he is the stepfather of the groom?

I think this is one of those situations where people's emotional attachments are clouding etiquette judgements, because weddings are such a emotional event for people and "netiquette" is still a new concept. I'm not saying that as a value judgement, just an observation.

[Harriet]

If the friend tagged them then you get notifications for all the photos you've been tagged in. You don't have to go seek it out.

[Harriet]

I know my dad has wedding albums for both my married stepbrothers, and if you go over his house you can pick one up and browse dozens of photos - is that really that much different than if he were to post all those photos on his facebook?

Yes, because the internet is a lot more publicly accessible than your dad's house.

...sometimes I feel like browsing through two dozen face closeups of my friend's infant, sometimes I don't, and it's not the new mom's responsibility to guess what my mood is on a given day. I don't see how this is any different.

I think a closer analogy would be if someone ELSE posted two dozen face closeups of the new mom's infant, without asking the mom first.

[turnip]

I never said it was an imposition to take _and_ post so many photos, nor did I say it was rude.  I said it was odd.   I stand by that, I think it is odd.   And because it is odd, I don't think it's fair to insist that the bride and groom should anticipate that one of their guests will take over a hundred photos and post them to facebook.  I think that is actually very unusual behavior. 

[Harriet]

I was thinking about the "control over perception of the event" issue, and how some posters considered this over the top behavior on the part of the bride / couple, combined with LadyL's remark stating that a Facebook album is equivalent to a physical photo album at her dad's house (which I disagreed with.)

The thing is, when something goes out of control on the internet, it can be on a totally different level than "Oh, these photos make my dress look white when it was really ecru -- how unacceptable!"

The OP mentioned that she had about 100 photos and that they were candids, as she's not a professional photographer. With that many pics, it's likely that there are a few that are unintentionally goofy or have some sort of photobomb going on. Maybe someone's skirt is hitched up too high in the background, for example.

What if one of the OP's Facebook friends leaves her page open on the family computer, and their kid sits down next and thinks it would be funny to upload the picture to Lamebook or Awkward Family Photos? Now the whole internet is making snarky remarks about the photo. What if the kid comes up with the perfect caption for the photo and makes a captioned meme out of it and sends it to his friends? After all, Naked Arm Fat lady started out as just a candid snap at some event. It went viral and now it's all over the entire internet!

[Naked Arm Fat Lady: http://saucesome.net/pic/90850
Its SFW, but the joke is that it looks like it isn't at first glance. Other pics on that site are definitely NSFW though. I just grabbed the first Google link I found]

I know we all live with these risks in the digital age, but it could be very hurtful to have something like this happen with your wedding.

[Saki_Fiz]

I'm on the side that you should ask permission before posting photos showcasing someone else's event.  It's their event.  It's a more important memory for the principle participants than it is for the attendees, so I think their feelings should be taken into account.

Actually, I believe that you should ask permission before posting photos of someone else at all.  Or least know their general opinion about posting photos.  I hardly ever let people take photos of me anymore because I don't want them online.  I only let people take photos if I know they will respect my wishes.  Because, as someone pointed out up-thread, most of the facebook friends of my facebook friends are actually total strangers to me.  And that makes me uncomfortable.  Some of my friends have have well over 1000 Facebook friends.   That's some pretty big exposure.

[jillybean]

The OP mentioned that she had about 100 photos and that they were candids, as she's not a professional photographer. With that many pics, it's likely that there are a few that are unintentionally goofy or have some sort of photobomb going on. Maybe someone's skirt is hitched up too high in the background, for example.

ITA.  My sister does this.  Just straight uploads a bunch of pics without ever checking to see if I, or anyone else, looks like a complete idiot in them and then seems to tag the worst.  We've read her the riot act about this, and she's gotten a lot better and will take down offensive pics.  But if the OP just uploaded a bunch of random pics without editing, that would be my issue with this, not so much who "owns" the event.

[CleverScreenName]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

Granted my wedding occurred before Facebook, but even as the Bride I would never have posted 100 photos.

I think the Bride feels that her thunder was stolen.

Most brides spend lots of money to get their hair and make-up done. They spend considerable time picking a dress, ect. Their wedding portrait is what they want to be their official photo. They don't want a pic where they have a goofy look, or where they are taking a bite or whatever.

[Sharnita]

I have mixed feelings.  For the most part I would think the Bride's "thunder" is on the day of the wedding.  How much thinder does she get and how much protected space in order not to steal it? So you can't post 100 pictures, are 50 too many?  If they are 25 stealing her thunder too? How many pictures does it ake to threaten her peace of mind? Is there a formula?

Weddings can be tricky.  If might be her wedding but it is also the only time all the friends gather in formal dress.  It might be the last time Grandma went to any sort of party. It might of been the first time we met new baby. People are going to want to post pictures because while it is the HC's wedding it can be a bit of a life event for other people too.  I don't think it compares to most other private parties because people plan vacations around weddings, spend a lot of money, etc.

In fact, I moght go on vacation and post about 100 pics.  if I gave up my vacation to go to a wedding the 100 pictures seems a bit less strange (at least to me).

[Teenyweeny]

If anything, I think its odd to post over 100 photos of someone else's wedding to one's own FB page.

What sort of photo limit would you consider more reasonable?

Granted my wedding occurred before Facebook, but even as the Bride I would never have posted 100 photos.

I think the Bride feels that her thunder was stolen.

Most brides spend lots of money to get their hair and make-up done. They spend considerable time picking a dress, ect. Their wedding portrait is what they want to be their official photo. They don't want a pic where they have a goofy look, or where they are taking a bite or whatever.

Then honestly, they should get over themselves. I have tons of photos from my wedding where I'm eating, or in the middle of talking, or whatever.

If I don't like a photo of myself, I untag it and move on. It's totally delusional to think that EVERYBODY who knows you doesn't know what you look like already. I could post some really nice photos of me with lovely hair and makeup, smiling prettily. And all my friends would think, "What a lovely photo of Teenyweeny". They wouldn't suddenly think I was prettier than I actually am. They know what I look like, for pete's sake!

Or, they might see a photo of me squinting, with ruffled hair, and a mouthful of food. I doubt they're suddenly going to say, "Oh, actually, she's a total hag! I can't believe I never noticed it before!"

If anybody seriously gets offended by 'too many photos', or feels that their 'thunder was stolen', then they need to get over it. Your wedding is A DAY. A magical, wonderful, joyful day, but still A DAY. You can't milk it for weeks afterwards, obsessively controlling the 'image' of your 'perfect day'.

Nobody else cares about your wedding as much as you do. They might care about YOU and your partner, and your marriage, but to them your WEDDING was one special day that they got to share with you. Don't let other people's perception of it take up so much space in your head. It almost certainly isn't taking up any space in theirs.