General Etiquette > Family and Children
Help dealing with FSIL UPDATE #28
VltGrantham:
--- Quote ---Mostly, though, I'd just get my 'orders' from her and then pre-emptively spend as much time with other people in the group as much as possible. Ask them a lot of questions about themselves, other weddings or bridal shows on TV, etc. Basically, just bring a vat of bean dip and make it your goal to be as friendly, polite and accomodating as possible.
Don't look to have any life altering moments or expect her to have a change of heart or attitude. Don't try to give words of wisdom or warm advice other than "Good luck! Congratulations! Have a great day." Just do as your told, stay out of her way and don't give her any reasons to find fault with you. It's a shame it's come to this, but that's the only advice I can think of.
--- End quote ---
This. You're a better SIL than I am. Personally I've begun refusing requests to be in weddings, particularly for DD, as I don't like the "shut up and pay for whatever expensive, useless dress and accessories I've chosen" route. Being a bridal attendant (of either party) used to be an honor. Now apparently it's akin to serfdom. No thanks.
I'd have politely refused and told her that I was just happy to celebrate with them.
And for the record, not at the wedding, but for future use--the next time she starts this mess with you I would say something like "can we please move past this? It's getting old and needs to stop. Now."
Steve:
Maybe, after the wedding, we can help you with your spine a little?
Your brother needs to stop treating you in a way that is not comfortable for you. You have concluded yourself that she is mirroring his behaviour. She probably only has his behaviour as a reference.
Also: he is your brother, he is "safer" to correct. As you have been accepting it from him for years, now he might accept a change from you. Maybe it is as simple as telling him to "Please do not do that" once or twice?
stargazer:
--- Quote from: TootsNYC on May 24, 2012, 10:53:19 AM ---I like the big sigh.
--- End quote ---
I have always seen anyone react to the "big sigh" with something similar to snapping back "What was that for?" I would never use that if I wanted to get along with someone politely. Seems very PA to me.
Zilla:
I think the problem here is that she takes your brother cues and he doesn't stop her. I'm also surprised your parents st these family dinners don't defend you either.
If sil act up, I like the response of, "I thought we agreed to get along for brother's sake?". And if she keeps harping on it, then get up mid hair or mid anywhere and say, "I guess I was wrong about being civil for brother. Goodbye everyone. "
And leave quietly. Do your own hair/or ask to come back later.
I would then do bare minimum as walking down the aisle and that's that.
I would then address it with neither afterwards that while you love him but she needs to respect you more.
fluffy:
The wedding weekend is probably not the best weekend to lay down the law. Things are just too emotionally charged. I would stick to changing the subject. If she gets truly awful, you could always remove yourself temporarily by making some sort of excuse to go elsewhere. I have a brother-in-law who is always verrrry helpful at family events. Whenever someone needs something picked up at the store, he can be counted on to run out and grab it. He's confided in me that it's because he gets overwhelmed by all of us and needs a little bit of quiet. :p If you're starting to feel frazzled/dumped on, offer to take care of some last-minute errand. You can get away for a bit while still looking helpful. ;D
When things have calmed down, I agree with the others who have suggested talking with your brother about changing how you communicate.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version