Being asked for for a ride by a stanger

[Martienne]

In the story about my husband, I shared a detail that was relevant to that but didn't explain why. We never bothered to lock the doors when doing the paper route, even though that area in particular is a little dodgy. The constant need to lock and unlock would have made that very annoying.

[Amara]

My story is not about being asked for a ride but about my insisting on providing one.

I was picking up a friend from the airport one evening. She is about 80. Our airport is medium-sized or slightly smaller, but with all the security it is as annoying as any. You can't park for even a few seconds at the curb so I was waiting on the road just outside it. There was a bus stop and a young woman of university age was sitting on it reading. It was newly dark, I think. I was parked down a bit from the bench she was on, but I could see her. Behind her were bushes. All appeared quiet, but I admit I would not have been able to be where she was and I grew nervous for her. I ended up asking her if she wanted a ride home but she politely declined.

Finally I was able to get my friend, and as we drove out to where we would pass the young woman again I said that I just couldn't leave here there, that it made me nervous. We stopped again. We talked to her. I got out and said I was very sorry but please, please, please come with us. I introduced her to my friend and was finally able to persuade her to come. I took her luggage and put it in the trunk, then her in the back seat. (I'd bet she got a bit nervous then.) We told her were to going to dinner at our favorite Japanese restaurant but that we would drop her off at her home first, not at the bus station downtown. And we did. On the way there I had my friend pull out one of my bookmarks (that promotes my literary website) and my friend pulled out one of her business cards. We gave them to her. When we got to her apartment building we told her we would wait until she got inside. I was so relieved when she got in--several hours, she later wrote me, earlier than her roommate expected.

I just could not leave her there, alone in the dark. If anything had happened I could never have forgiven myself.

[jmarvellous]

Wow, Amara, if you had touched my bags or told me I couldn't handle waiting at a bus stop, especially repeatedly, I would have been running away from you and screaming that someone was trying to steal my bags and abduct me. I'm glad it worked out for you, though.

[Amara]

Well, I just couldn't. I understand, though. I might have done the same thing. And that is why I tried to show myself as honest and straightforward as possible. My friend is 80; I am 60. I hoped she could see that. I pleaded with her, telling how how worried I was for her. It just scared me to death to think of her there alone for perhaps another hour. But believe me, I understand your reaction.

[Mental Magpie]

Wow, Amara, if you had touched my bags or told me I couldn't handle waiting at a bus stop, especially repeatedly, I would have been running away from you and screaming that someone was trying to steal my bags and abduct me. I'm glad it worked out for you, though.

That would be my reaction, too. I'd also be a bit miffed that a stranger was making such generalized assumptions about me.

At least Amara understands our reactions, I guess.

[Amara]

I do, I really do understand. I can concede it might well have been the wrong thing to do. I guess I was overcome with fear for her. But I was aware that she had no idea who we were. So I talked to her for a long time before she agreed, still hesitantly. I don't have any regrets, though. I just didn't want to think about what I would feel if I happened to read the next day that a young woman was missing from a bus stop ...

[Outdoor Girl]

Amara, I'm going to assume you are female.

Were I that girl on the bench and a couple of older ladies pulled up and offered to drive me home from the airport, I'd be jumping up and thanking you up and down and very happy to have a ride. 

If you are male, I might have been a bit more hesitant but your 80 year old companion would probably have convinced me that it was OK to jump in.

[Amara]

I am female so I hope neither my friend Frances, a tiny woman about 5 feet tall, nor I, about 5'3" was scary. 

You know, it may have been the wrong thing to do. I hope it wasn't rude, however, and I don't think it was. It just felt like the right thing for me to do, and I did talk to her several times (I had to go around the airport three or four times) before that final trip by the bus stop where I asked her to let me give her a ride home. I guess it's one of those things that I just did on gut. At any rate, she wrote me a note the next day--she found my post office box address on the website--thanking me for my kindness and consideration.

[Jones]

You had a gut feeling. She probably did too.

It sounds like you all came to a conclusion that you all agreed with.

[Allyson]

I'm not personally nervous waiting at bus stops--I've done it tons of time, at night, so I would be pretty taken aback if someone told me it wasn't safe. I wouldn't be offended, and I would probably take the ride if I thought it was safe because hey, way faster than waiting for a bus!

I wouldn't judge it by the person's size, as a lot of people seem to ('twice my size' 'half my size' and so on) though, because if someone really was a crazy murderer, and they had a weapon of some kind, it wouldn't matter that much. It worries me more when guys say things like 'oh, I can handle myself, I'm built like a linebacker' because in a lot of cases that wouldn't matter...I think some people think their size gives them protection and are then less cautious.

Once I was at work and complaining about how of course, it had just started raining and now I had to walk home in it. A customer offered to drive me home--he seemed reasonable, but I still said no, just wasn't comfortable. I more was concerned about awkward stranger-conversations than violence though.

[Irishkitty]

The city I used to live in had a woman who would jump into cars at stoplights and instruct the driver where to take her.  It happened to a friend of mine and he actually drove her because she wouldn't get out of the car!  Personally, I would have refused and not moved until she did get out, despite any line up piling up behind me when I didn't go through the light.  If I didn't have my phone handy, hopefully someone behind would have called the police and they could have sorted it out.

I can't believe all the stories of people jumping into cars to get rides like this!  I would have told them to get out and threatened to call the police!  Or, I would have given them a ride... to the police station 

This happened to my Aunt about 15 years ago. There was a bus stop situated right beside a junction with traffic lights. The woman would wait close to the bus stop and when the cars stopped at a red light she would step out, open the passenger door and say "Thanks for the lift, you can just drop me off at XYZ location!". Usually they'd be too astonished to argue and drive on out the 10 or so miles to the place she was going to...

[Reason]

I'm not personally nervous waiting at bus stops--I've done it tons of time, at night, so I would be pretty taken aback if someone told me it wasn't safe. I wouldn't be offended, and I would probably take the ride if I thought it was safe because hey, way faster than waiting for a bus!

I wouldn't judge it by the person's size, as a lot of people seem to ('twice my size' 'half my size' and so on) though, because if someone really was a crazy murderer, and they had a weapon of some kind, it wouldn't matter that much. It worries me more when guys say things like 'oh, I can handle myself, I'm built like a linebacker' because in a lot of cases that wouldn't matter...I think some people think their size gives them protection and are then less cautious.

Once I was at work and complaining about how of course, it had just started raining and now I had to walk home in it. A customer offered to drive me home--he seemed reasonable, but I still said no, just wasn't comfortable. I more was concerned about awkward stranger-conversations than violence though.

Of course size matters as well as experience in handling oneself. It's not everything there is to it, but who do you think has the higher likelihood of getting mugged or assaulted, Sergei Bardyuk or Pee Wee Herman?

This is Sergei in case someone is not familiar with who he is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DQo2e8ZyBA

[Mental Magpie]

I'm not personally nervous waiting at bus stops--I've done it tons of time, at night, so I would be pretty taken aback if someone told me it wasn't safe. I wouldn't be offended, and I would probably take the ride if I thought it was safe because hey, way faster than waiting for a bus!

I wouldn't judge it by the person's size, as a lot of people seem to ('twice my size' 'half my size' and so on) though, because if someone really was a crazy murderer, and they had a weapon of some kind, it wouldn't matter that much. It worries me more when guys say things like 'oh, I can handle myself, I'm built like a linebacker' because in a lot of cases that wouldn't matter...I think some people think their size gives them protection and are then less cautious.

Once I was at work and complaining about how of course, it had just started raining and now I had to walk home in it. A customer offered to drive me home--he seemed reasonable, but I still said no, just wasn't comfortable. I more was concerned about awkward stranger-conversations than violence though.

Of course size matters as well as experience in handling oneself. It's not everything there is to it, but who do you think has the higher likelihood of getting mugged or assaulted, Sergei Bardyuk or Pee Wee Herman?

This is Sergei in case someone is not familiar with who he is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DQo2e8ZyBA

I agree, Reason.  Size does matter some.

[sevenday]

One day, after getting groceries, I stopped in the in-lot gas station to fill up on gas.  As I came out, a young man, a bit younger than myself, that had been standing outside with a paper cup of water approached me.  He asked if I could give him a ride.  He was wearing work-ish clothes - black pants, black non-slip shoes, white polo shirt, and had a light backpack over his shoulder; he looked a little sweaty/tired. I hesitated, then asked where he needed to go.  He pointed up the road, and said "you know the shopping center up that way, with the grocery store? I'm already a little late for work."  There is a bus stop nearby that does stop in that area - about a mile and a little more away - but it'd take longer, and if he was already late... I eyed him and took a chance, drove him up there. (It's actually past my house so I had to double back a bit, but...)  As we went, he explained he had JUST gotten the job yesterday, his car had broken down and he'd already walked this far (more than 5 miles) and had stopped at the station to get a drink of water before trying to push on the last bit.  I asked if he could reach anyone to get him home after his shift, and he said he'd call someone from work (he didn't have a cell phone).  When I pulled into the lot and stopped next to the restaurant, another employee came hurrying out the door exclaiming, "Oh thank god you're here."  The guy pushed a couple of dollar bills in my hand despite my protests and ran inside.  I hope he didn't get in trouble for being late.

I have been asked since then for rides, and have declined.  First impression/gut instincts, et al. 

[cicero]

when my family moved to Israel from the US in 1970, in those days (a) not many people owned a car, (b) most taxis were Peugeot or mercedes, and (c) it was not unheard of to share a taxi, i.e, the taxi driver might stop for another person even if there was already a passenger in the car (this third thing is still done here but it's not as common and you can just tell the driver "no").

so, one day, i was in our car (Peugeot station wagon) with my father and a man stuck his hand out like a hitch hiker. my father stopped, asked the man where he needed to go and the man got in. only after about 5 minutes did he realize that this wasn't a cab but rather a father-daughter in a private car!