Does anyone know of any online support groups and/or books on how to deal with aging parents who are not suffering from alzheimers?
My situation is that my mom is 68 and suffered a stroke 2 years ago. She was forced to go into semi-retirement so she's working 2 days a week, which is probably the only time she leaves the house. She was/is a hoarder, and while she was in the hospital and rehab we had to do a major clean-out to make her home habitable and safe for her to go home. Since she returned, things have not been the same. She's hoarding again, but mostly I'm concerned about other stuff like the fact that she has not done her taxes and ignores mail including medical bills. She's entitled to tax returns and never owes, but it's been 3 or 4 years and every time I bring up helping her she shuts me out. She has already cut off my brother for 2 years and counting because he tried to push her to get help after her stroke when we discovered how bad things were while cleaning up the hoard. I'm torn because I want to help her but I don't want to be cut out, too. Mom is well enough to convince doctors that she's fine and she doesn't think she has any problems, even though all she does is watch TV and sleep on the couch day and night. She is in worse shape now than after the stroke due to just atrophy because she gets virtually no exercise and doesn't take care of herself. She still has resilience enough to put on a show for doctors though, who think she's doing 'okay' but they can't force her to take better care of herself either when she ignores their advice.
Most of the resources I've found for dealing with aging parents seem to relate to alzheimers. Are there any books out there that just give advice on how to deal with stubborn old parents who don't want to admit they are overwhelmed and refuse to ask for or accept any help? I'm at the point where I lie awake at night with my mind racing worrying about my mother and what kind of trouble she's getting into by keeping everything a secret from me. Taxes, bills, her health, etc.
I flip flop between just letting her be and try to keep my distance unless she asks for help, and I'll just deal with the fallout when she's gone (though I dread that because she's not dying so who knows how long that will be.) I worry about the liability I'll have when she's gone for all the responsiblities she's ignoring. I wonder if there's any hope of turning things around even a little on some of these things.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and thanks for any advice and resources you may have.