Stumper jokes

[Mental Magpie]

^^^
 

I don't get it

 

ONOMATOPOEIA
1
: the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it (as buzz, hiss)
2
: the use of words whose sound suggests the sense (like splash.)

In other words, a word that is spelled "exactly what it sounds like"...  

[Slartibartfast]

It doesn't matter how many times I try to explain this to my sister and mom, they never get it...

(Warning: Other strips on the site contain adult material; browse at your own risk.)

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2322/

I'll admit; I LOLed

[Iris]

It doesn't matter how many times I try to explain this to my sister and mom, they never get it...

(Warning: Other strips on the site contain adult material; browse at your own risk.)

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2322/

You didn't warn me there was a pun! I don't mind adult material, but really...a PUN??!! 

This one came from one of my students. Less a joke and more a "What's the worst pick up line ever?"-type groaner

A man walks up to a woman sunbaking on a beach and says "Hey, I could be sin and you could be cos and together we can make a tan"

[Virg]

The student asks the cow, "Does the dog have Buddha nature?"  The cow replies, "Moo."

Virg

[Thipu1]

Here's one that I told by an Irish Egyptologist.

'Who is the Irish deity in the ancient Egyptian pantheon?'.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Here's one that I told by an Irish Egyptologist.

'Who is the Irish deity in the ancient Egyptian pantheon?'.

O'Siris!

[Thipu1]

Here's one that I told by an Irish Egyptologist.

'Who is the Irish deity in the ancient Egyptian pantheon?'.

O'Siris!

Give Traska a cigar!  There's still a  bit more to the explanation.  He's often shown with a green face and hymns to Osiris frequently offer him 1000 jugs of beer. 

[Mental Magpie]

The student asks the cow, "Does the dog have Buddha nature?"  The cow replies, "Moo."

Virg

I don't even come close to getting that

[Lynn2000]

In biology/chemistry we like to say, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."

Honestly in my group we don't tell very many geeky jokes, though, I don't know what's wrong with us. I hope to gain some good ones from this thread!

ETA: I do puns sometimes. Actually, one pun over and over again, sadly...
Boss: I have to finish my contribution to the nanotechnology paper.
Me: At least it's a small part.
Then I crack up, and my boss looks at me like, "I can't believe I pay you to work here."

My dad loves "Tom Swifties," though. You start with simple ones:

"I just washed that window!" Tom said clearly.

Then you move on to more obscure ones:

"I'm learning about Charlemagne," Tom said frankly.
"All in all, Helsinki is a great city," Tom finished.
"That's a lovely Christmas tree," Tom opined.

I guess they're puns?

[Nora]

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?


Someone who sits up at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

[JonGirl]

In biology/chemistry we like to say, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."

Honestly in my group we don't tell very many geeky jokes, though, I don't know what's wrong with us. I hope to gain some good ones from this thread!

ETA: I do puns sometimes. Actually, one pun over and over again, sadly...
Boss: I have to finish my contribution to the nanotechnology paper.
Me: At least it's a small part.
Then I crack up, and my boss looks at me like, "I can't believe I pay you to work here."

My dad loves "Tom Swifties," though. You start with simple ones:

"I just washed that window!" Tom said clearly.

Then you move on to more obscure ones:

"I'm learning about Charlemagne," Tom said frankly.
"All in all, Helsinki is a great city," Tom finished.
"That's a lovely Christmas tree," Tom opined.
I guess they're puns?

That's funny!! 

[JonGirl]

My dogma just got run over by my karma!
 

[Mental Magpie]

In biology/chemistry we like to say, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."

Honestly in my group we don't tell very many geeky jokes, though, I don't know what's wrong with us. I hope to gain some good ones from this thread!

ETA: I do puns sometimes. Actually, one pun over and over again, sadly...
Boss: I have to finish my contribution to the nanotechnology paper.
Me: At least it's a small part.
Then I crack up, and my boss looks at me like, "I can't believe I pay you to work here."

My dad loves "Tom Swifties," though. You start with simple ones:

"I just washed that window!" Tom said clearly.

Then you move on to more obscure ones:

"I'm learning about Charlemagne," Tom said frankly.
"All in all, Helsinki is a great city," Tom finished.
"That's a lovely Christmas tree," Tom opined.

I guess they're puns?

I have never heard of these Tom Swifties, but Dark Boyfriend is going to want to throttle you now that I have! *insert evil laugh* (Also, I'd laugh like a loon every time I said, "At least it's a small contribution." if I were you!)

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?


Someone who sits up at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

Love it!

[JadeAngel]

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One of them looks at the other one and says 'Do you smell fish?'

[Virg]

Dark Magdelena wrote:

"I don't even come close to getting that"

I'm stunned that you don't get ancient Japanese puns.  For shame!

OK, the whole story is that this is from a famous Zen koan (a koan is the Buddhist equivalent of a parable, more or less).  In the koan, a student asks a famous Zen master that question, and he answers, "No."  The word for "no" in ancient Japanese (in which the story was originally told) is "Mu."

Virg