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### Author Topic: Stumper jokes  (Read 44396 times)

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#### readingchick

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##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #75 on: June 15, 2012, 06:31:55 PM »
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?

/elephant/*/grape/*sin(theta)
*sheepishly raises her hand* I'm sorry, Ms_Cellany, but I don't quite get this one.....

It's a joke on vector mathematics. Vectors have both magnitude and direction. (Winds are vectors, for instance: 5 mph north, 20 mph west). In a "cross" operation, you take the absolute value (magnitude) of each vector times the sine of the angle between them.

The symbol for absolute value is two vertical lines, which i don't have on my keyboard.

For the wind example, it would be /5/*/20/*sin(90)

A regular old number is called a scalar, and can't be used in this type of equation. Which leads to the next joke: "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?  Nothing. A mountain climber is a scaler."
Thanks for clearing it up, Ms_Cellany. I appreciate it very much.

#### Slartibartfast

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• Posts: 10801
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #76 on: June 26, 2012, 04:34:38 PM »
So a plagiarist walks into somebody else's bar . . .

#### RooRoo

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• Posts: 627
• I’m out of my mind. Please leave a message.
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #77 on: July 18, 2012, 03:12:37 PM »
I'm afraid I write this even worse than I tell it.

Twas the night o' the last supper, it was, an Jaysus is sittin' round the table wit' all the disciples around him. His face is sad, and he turns to Payter, and "Payter," he sez, "I'm hearin' that one of yez will be betrayin' me this night. Could it be you?" Payter, he sez,

"Oh never, Jaysus, I'd never be doin' such a t'ing!" So Jaysus, he asks all around to everybody, and they're all tellin' him the same as Payter. There's not a one as would ever betray him. Jaysus, he finally gets to Judas, and he's askin' him, "Judas, me bhoy, be tellin' me it's not you!" and Judas, he sez,

"Why, old man, whatever makes you think that?"
For in the fatness of these pursy times
Virtue itself of vice must pardon beg,
Yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good.
Hamlet, Act 3, scene 4, lines 144-146
(Pursy: wheezing)

#### purplemuse

• Member
• Posts: 5685
• This is going to be super special awesome!
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #78 on: July 20, 2012, 09:55:51 PM »
A husband and wife are having an argument over who has to make the coffee in the morning. Neither of them wants to do it, so, being Christians, they decide to consult the Bible, and agree that they will abide by whatever it says.

So they spend a few minutes poring over their Bibles, and finally, the wife calls out: "Aha! It says right here in the Bible that the man is supposed to make the coffee!"

Her husband, is of course, skeptical, and asks her where she found that.

She points to her Bible, and says: "Right here. See, it says 'He brews.'"

#### wendelenn

• Member
• Posts: 1503
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #79 on: July 20, 2012, 10:18:45 PM »
A husband and wife are having an argument over who has to make the coffee in the morning. Neither of them wants to do it, so, being Christians, they decide to consult the Bible, and agree that they will abide by whatever it says.

So they spend a few minutes poring over their Bibles, and finally, the wife calls out: "Aha! It says right here in the Bible that the man is supposed to make the coffee!"

Her husband, is of course, skeptical, and asks her where she found that.

She points to her Bible, and says: "Right here. See, it says 'He brews.'"

I think we've gone from stumpers to groaners
"I don't mean to be rude", he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

"--yet sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.  "Best to say nothing at all."

#### Mental Magpie

• Member
• Posts: 4138
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #80 on: July 20, 2012, 10:22:34 PM »
I'm afraid I write this even worse than I tell it.

Twas the night o' the last supper, it was, an Jaysus is sittin' round the table wit' all the disciples around him. His face is sad, and he turns to Payter, and "Payter," he sez, "I'm hearin' that one of yez will be betrayin' me this night. Could it be you?" Payter, he sez,

"Oh never, Jaysus, I'd never be doin' such a t'ing!" So Jaysus, he asks all around to everybody, and they're all tellin' him the same as Payter. There's not a one as would ever betray him. Jaysus, he finally gets to Judas, and he's askin' him, "Judas, me bhoy, be tellin' me it's not you!" and Judas, he sez,

"Why, old man, whatever makes you think that?"

I admit that I don't get it.  I see that the "that" is out of character for the accent of everyone else, but that's about it.

#### violinp

• Member
• Posts: 3758
• cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #81 on: July 20, 2012, 11:03:04 PM »
I'm afraid I write this even worse than I tell it.

Twas the night o' the last supper, it was, an Jaysus is sittin' round the table wit' all the disciples around him. His face is sad, and he turns to Payter, and "Payter," he sez, "I'm hearin' that one of yez will be betrayin' me this night. Could it be you?" Payter, he sez,

"Oh never, Jaysus, I'd never be doin' such a t'ing!" So Jaysus, he asks all around to everybody, and they're all tellin' him the same as Payter. There's not a one as would ever betray him. Jaysus, he finally gets to Judas, and he's askin' him, "Judas, me bhoy, be tellin' me it's not you!" and Judas, he sez,

"Why, old man, whatever makes you think that?"

I admit that I don't get it.  I see that the "that" is out of character for the accent of everyone else, but that's about it.

Um...Jesus is God and is omniscient? Other than that, I got nothin'.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter

#### Iris

• Member
• Posts: 3249
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #82 on: July 21, 2012, 12:24:13 AM »
I'm afraid I write this even worse than I tell it.

Twas the night o' the last supper, it was, an Jaysus is sittin' round the table wit' all the disciples around him. His face is sad, and he turns to Payter, and "Payter," he sez, "I'm hearin' that one of yez will be betrayin' me this night. Could it be you?" Payter, he sez,

"Oh never, Jaysus, I'd never be doin' such a t'ing!" So Jaysus, he asks all around to everybody, and they're all tellin' him the same as Payter. There's not a one as would ever betray him. Jaysus, he finally gets to Judas, and he's askin' him, "Judas, me bhoy, be tellin' me it's not you!" and Judas, he sez,

"Why, old man, whatever makes you think that?"

I admit that I don't get it.  I see that the "that" is out of character for the accent of everyone else, but that's about it.

Um...Jesus is God and is omniscient? Other than that, I got nothin'.

I interpreted it as Jesus is Irish, and so is 'Payter' and presumably the other disciples, but then when he gets to Judas Judas has an upper class English accent ('old man' and all that). So an Irish-English joke.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

#### Mental Magpie

• Member
• Posts: 4138
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #83 on: July 21, 2012, 09:22:47 AM »
I'm afraid I write this even worse than I tell it.

Twas the night o' the last supper, it was, an Jaysus is sittin' round the table wit' all the disciples around him. His face is sad, and he turns to Payter, and "Payter," he sez, "I'm hearin' that one of yez will be betrayin' me this night. Could it be you?" Payter, he sez,

"Oh never, Jaysus, I'd never be doin' such a t'ing!" So Jaysus, he asks all around to everybody, and they're all tellin' him the same as Payter. There's not a one as would ever betray him. Jaysus, he finally gets to Judas, and he's askin' him, "Judas, me bhoy, be tellin' me it's not you!" and Judas, he sez,

"Why, old man, whatever makes you think that?"

I admit that I don't get it.  I see that the "that" is out of character for the accent of everyone else, but that's about it.

Um...Jesus is God and is omniscient? Other than that, I got nothin'.

I interpreted it as Jesus is Irish, and so is 'Payter' and presumably the other disciples, but then when he gets to Judas Judas has an upper class English accent ('old man' and all that). So an Irish-English joke.

Ah!  I knew it had something to do with the accents, I just couldn't figure out it.  Thank you!

#### Adelaide

• Member
• Posts: 671
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #84 on: July 25, 2012, 03:48:41 PM »
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side!

#### MissNomer

• Member
• Posts: 106
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #85 on: July 29, 2012, 02:33:57 PM »
Here's a language joke:

What did Freud say comes between fear and sex?

Fünf!

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

#### MizB

• Member
• Posts: 1693
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #86 on: July 29, 2012, 07:09:33 PM »
Tim walks into the doctors office and tells the receptionist, "ma'am I've got the shingles." she says "okay we will get you in with the doctor as soon as possible." So Tim sits in the waiting room until he gets called back. Finally the nurse comes out and asks him "what are we doing for you today?" Tim responds "ma'am I've got the shingles." the nurse says "oh no we will get your vitals started and the doctor will be in" and she leaves sending in a second nurse. The second nurse asks Tim again what they are seeing him for and he again responds "ma'am I've got the shingles." as he finishes his explanation the doctor walks in and Tim tells him "look doc, all I need is to know where to deliver your shingles."
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

#### Cutenoob

• Member
• Posts: 1635
##### Re: Stumper jokes
« Reply #87 on: July 30, 2012, 08:06:01 PM »
"Roof Roof" to the shingles