Author Topic: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online  (Read 4011 times)

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lisen

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S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« on: May 27, 2012, 12:10:51 AM »
Hi E-Hellions!

One of my (many) cousins, Kajsa, is getting married in the near-future, and the recent thread about posting wedding photos prompted a household discussion about putting wedding pictures on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. Kajsa has stated:
 
1: She would prefer that guests took no photographs during the wedding itself because it is a religious ceremony, and she compares this to taking candids of a priest consecrating the eucharist.

2: She does not want people to post her picture on the internet without her express permission.

3: She has recently been at a few friends' weddings and found it annoying that there were cameras going off the entire time. She said that the entire time the bride processed, the first dance went on, etc. you could not see the event through the crowd of iPhones.

4: She has hired a wedding photographer whose job is photographing the wedding. Because of the nature of the venue, she thinks guests would be unable to get decent shots of a lot of the 'action' from their seats anyway. She thinks there is plenty of time for people to take personal photos during the cocktail hour, at the dinner table, during the mingling time when the bride and groom meet the guests (ie when you can actually get a picture of the bride and she is not 200 feet away).

I think this sounds a little harsh, but I also think it is similar to asking that there be no photography at the dinner table (a hosted event by the HC) or that no one post pictures of a baby's birthday party on the internet if the parents do not wish it.

So, E-Hellions, what do you think about the etiquette of this situation? Is Kajsa within her rights to impose a photo ban? How does one disseminate that information? And how does one enforce that?

Thanks,
Lisen.

lmyrs

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2012, 02:00:23 AM »
Well, it sounds like she only wants to ban photos at the ceremony. And I have to say that the vast majority of weddings that I have been to in churches, the same thing happens. Sort of. Generally, you are allowed to take pictures of the processional and then the priest/minister announces no more photography until later. Then there's the whole ceremony and after the couple signs the registry, they go to the front of the alter and anyone who wants to take a phot is invited to do so. There is usually a professional photographer. Who is exempted from thge no photos rule. So, if your cousin wants no photos during the cermony, just have the officiant make the announcement prior to the ceremony. Shouldn't be a big deal.

Cymraes

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2012, 04:16:21 AM »
My DH and I also requested no photographs during the wedding ceremony (not even the professional photographer was exempt, although we did request that he photograph the registration) and we also did not have any video of the service either. This was for the same reason - we felt it was a religious service and having people taking pictures would detract from worship and the sacramental aspect of our marriage.

But we did let encourage all our guests to feel free to take candid photos of the rest of the day and let us have copies. So we have two wedding albums - one professionally posed, and the other of candid pics.
Mae'r e bost hwn ac unrhyw atodiad iddo yn gyfrinachol ac fe'I bwriedir ar gyfer y sawl a enwir arno yn unig. Os yw wedi eich cyrraedd trwy gamgymeriad ni ellwch ei gopio, ei ddosbarthu na'i ddangos i unrhyw un arall a dylech gysylltu gyda yr awdur ar unwaith.

CakeEater

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2012, 06:39:02 AM »
My view is that it's difficult to make rules if you have no way or no intention of enforcing them. People love taking photos at weddings, and while I agree that having a sea of iphones at these events is a bit tacky, there's really not much that can be done about it. I also think it can alienate your guests, who want to share in the special day.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2012, 08:25:59 AM »
My view is that it's difficult to make rules if you have no way or no intention of enforcing them. People love taking photos at weddings, and while I agree that having a sea of iphones at these events is a bit tacky, there's really not much that can be done about it. I also think it can alienate your guests, who want to share in the special day.

But this is a social occasion with friends and family - it's not a "rule" to be "enforced" but a polite request.  I think it would be pretty boorish of guests to refuse to comply.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2012, 05:37:54 AM by RingTailedLemur »

Sterling

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2012, 05:07:05 PM »
Well I don't want people taking pictures during my wedding ceremony as it is a religious ceremony that would normally not allow pictures.  To be honest if my guests are alienated that we ask thy respect our faith and our officiants.  If they can't do that I will not care if they are unhappy.  Too bad.
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lisen

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2012, 09:02:55 PM »
So I guess that asking guests to refrain from photographing the ceremony is okay. Is that usually accomplished via an annoucement or a bulletin announcement or something else? What about the request to refrain from posting pictures online? Kajsa doesn't want her picture on Facebook, etc.

Thanks!

camlan

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2012, 11:25:24 PM »
I think in today's camera-happy, social-media world, there is no way Kajsa is going to get all her guests to agree to all 4 conditions that she is setting up. Also, I think she could get people to agree, but there are so many conditions that someone is going to forget one or more of them.

One alternative would be to limit the guest list to only those people who would agree to her restrictions. But I don't think that would go over well.

No photos during the ceremony shouldn't be a problem. Print it in the program if she is having one. If the invitations haven't gone out yet, she could include that information in the invitation. "Due to the religious nature of the ceremony, photography is not allowed." Then have it announced before the wedding starts to remind people. I've been to several weddings where pictures during the ceremony weren't allowed and I think it is a fairly common thing.

As for the rest--there's only so much any one person can do to control other people's behavior. So I think she needs to pick her battles here. If not having her picture on the Web is the most important thing to her, then she should ask her guests nicely not to post pictures of her. Does she ever mind if her picture is on the Web? If she allows other pictures of herself to be posted, it's going to be hard to for people to understand why she doesn't want her wedding pictures up. But if she really never allows her photo to be on the Web, then some of her family/friends probably already understand this.

But trying to control how many pictures her guests take and where and when they take them--I think she is going to create a lot of stress for herself and not accomplish what she wants. I happen to agree with her; it seems like many people can only enjoy an experience through the lens of a camera. Smart phones have made this more obvious, but for decades, parents have watched their kids through the lens of a camera.

So I'd say she should be able to control the picture-taking during the ceremony, and she can ask that her picture not be posted on-line and hope that her friends and family will follow her wishes. But other than that, I think she is going to have a hard time preventing people from taking pictures. How would she enforce such a rule? Confiscate the cameras?
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CakeEater

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2012, 12:22:11 AM »
My view is that it's difficult to make rules if you have no way or no intention of enforcing them. People love taking photos at weddings, and while I agree that having a sea of iphones at these events is a bit tacky, there's really not much that can be done about it. I also think it can alienate your guests, who want to share in the special day.

But this is a social occasion with friends and family - it's not a "rule" to be "enforced" but a polite request.  I think it would be pretty boorish of guests to refuse to compl.

OP used the term 'enforce', which is why I wrote about rules and enforcement. It's a pretty detailed list of 'requests', which perhaps tips it over the edge into rule territory for me. Photos during the ceremony aren't OK, or during the first dance etc, but during cocktail hour are OK, dinner table OK, when the bride is close to you, but not far away. And of course, as soon as a few people start to take photos at one of the banned times, others will assume that they didn't understand the list, and that now is fine, and take their photos as well. It's not always boorishness, it's just herd mentality.

Official photographer and guests taking happy snaps aren't performing the same function. Guests are taking photos for their own records and memories, so whether or not they get great shots isn't always a priority. They want to capture the important moments for themselves.

The official photographer is recording the events for the happy couple, and the vast majority of guests don't get to see those photos, let alone have their own copy. Everyone who wants to keep a photo of the first dance needs to take their own photo.

I'm not saying it's OK for guests to do this, just that it's pretty likely to happen, and there's really nothing that can be done at the time to stop it without causing a scene.

lisen

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2012, 12:51:08 AM »
Kajsa does not let her photograph be used on the internet at all because of the sensitive nature of her work. Her close friends and family are aware of this, and I'm sure she has mentioned it to most of her friends at some point, but she is mostly worried about the groom's side of the family posting her picture online because they do not know her as well.

I agree that her rules are a little excessive, especially the "can photograph here, but not there" sort of thing. It feels a bit like she is going to take everyone's camera at the door!

Shopaholic

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2012, 02:13:24 AM »
I think in today's camera-happy, social-media world, there is no way Kajsa is going to get all her guests to agree to all 4 conditions that she is setting up. Also, I think she could get people to agree, but there are so many conditions that someone is going to forget one or more of them.

One alternative would be to limit the guest list to only those people who would agree to her restrictions. But I don't think that would go over well.

No photos during the ceremony shouldn't be a problem. Print it in the program if she is having one. If the invitations haven't gone out yet, she could include that information in the invitation. "Due to the religious nature of the ceremony, photography is not allowed." Then have it announced before the wedding starts to remind people. I've been to several weddings where pictures during the ceremony weren't allowed and I think it is a fairly common thing.

As for the rest--there's only so much any one person can do to control other people's behavior. So I think she needs to pick her battles here. If not having her picture on the Web is the most important thing to her, then she should ask her guests nicely not to post pictures of her. Does she ever mind if her picture is on the Web? If she allows other pictures of herself to be posted, it's going to be hard to for people to understand why she doesn't want her wedding pictures up. But if she really never allows her photo to be on the Web, then some of her family/friends probably already understand this.

But trying to control how many pictures her guests take and where and when they take them--I think she is going to create a lot of stress for herself and not accomplish what she wants. I happen to agree with her; it seems like many people can only enjoy an experience through the lens of a camera. Smart phones have made this more obvious, but for decades, parents have watched their kids through the lens of a camera.

So I'd say she should be able to control the picture-taking during the ceremony, and she can ask that her picture not be posted on-line and hope that her friends and family will follow her wishes. But other than that, I think she is going to have a hard time preventing people from taking pictures. How would she enforce such a rule? Confiscate the cameras?

I agree with this. While her requests are rational, she's going to have a very hard time "enforcing" (which I'm not sure is the best word here) them all.
She can request politely, she can type it in the program, put it on the website and have the ushers if she has them remind guests at the entrance, but I sure hope she won't have someone barrel down the poor person who whips out a camera to take a photo or two...and we all know there's going to be at least one person like that.

This reminds me that at my cousin's wedding last month when the bride and groom walked in, they were followed by two professional photographers (Groom is a photojournalist) and then my dad with his iPhone...it was quite funny.


Iris

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2012, 04:21:05 AM »
To be honest, I've never been at a church wedding where the congregation were photographing the ceremony. I've never thought about it before so I'm not sure if it's actually banned by the church or just 'not done' in my circle. At my wedding only the professional photographers took photos - without flash - and I didn't have a notice or anything.

To be honest, Rule 3 and Rule 4 seem like just restatements of Rule 1. She has parts of the wedding that are important to her and that she would like to experience without the ubiquitous camera phone. In that case I would just place a notice in the program saying "Please reserve photography for cocktail hour" or whatever time they choose to have photos taken.
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camlan

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2012, 07:08:31 AM »
Kajsa does not let her photograph be used on the internet at all because of the sensitive nature of her work. Her close friends and family are aware of this, and I'm sure she has mentioned it to most of her friends at some point, but she is mostly worried about the groom's side of the family posting her picture online because they do not know her as well.


Okay, so Kajsa *needs* to control her image on-line. This is not just a bridezilla wanting only perfect pictures of herself posted.

Kajsa needs to start educating the groom's side of the family now, and she should enlist her future husband to help her do this. It's not just the wedding. She'll be attending pre-wedding events with members of the groom's family. After the wedding, presumably she'll be visiting with the groom's family, attending their weddings, graduations, christenings, and other important events. At all these things, anyone could take a picture and post it.

Not posting her picture on the Internet isn't just a wedding-related issue for Kajsa. She will need to figure out how to deal with this long-term.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Thena

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2012, 07:14:03 PM »
At my cousin's church wedding, the priest announced at the start of the ceremony that photography was restricted to one official photographer during the ceremony. That more or less took care of things, though a couple people still insisted on taking pictures during the vows.

I've actually had a variation on the "no pictures" request that took a weird turn. Photography is my hobby and I do let friends know that I'm happy to take pictures at their weddings. At one wedding, I was taking some photos after the ceremony while the professional photographer was getting set-up to take group shots. The bride's father took me aside and asked me not to take any more pictures because the flash on my camera might interfere with the professional's equipment. I complied and left the church since there was no reason for me to hang around.

But the photographer ended up taking months to finish the final prints. The bride's mother got impatient, so she called me and demanded that I give her prints of the photos I took so she could share them. The problem was that I didn't have many photos! I only took two of the bride's procession into the church and put the camera away for the rest of the ceremony, and then I only got one or two more before the bride's father stopped me. I didn't even take photos at the reception. The bride's mother was very disappointed when I turned over only 4 prints and kept asking me to ask if I had taken more with other cameras.

kherbert05

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Re: S/O Re: Posting wedding photos online
« Reply #14 on: May 28, 2012, 07:53:53 PM »
Kajsa does not let her photograph be used on the internet at all because of the sensitive nature of her work. Her close friends and family are aware of this, and I'm sure she has mentioned it to most of her friends at some point, but she is mostly worried about the groom's side of the family posting her picture online because they do not know her as well.

I agree that her rules are a little excessive, especially the "can photograph here, but not there" sort of thing. It feels a bit like she is going to take everyone's camera at the door!


The groom needs to get with the family members most into social media and biggest gossips and request they spread this information.
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