Author Topic: When it's really time to defriend....  (Read 2431 times)

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Ceallach

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When it's really time to defriend....
« on: May 29, 2012, 07:15:17 AM »
One of my FB friends just announced her engagement - complete with official status change, photos of the happy couple etc.  They look blissfully happy, he seems like a nice guy, I sincerely wish her well.

Buuuut, the thing is .... back when we became "friends" she was a happy newlywed!   She is a former coworker of mine and we kept in touch for awhile after I left that job.  When I met her it was just before her wedding (as in, a few weeks beforehand) and we worked together for awhile and then kept in touch for a short time afterwards. So I guess sometime in the past few years she's gotten divorced, moved on, and met somebody new.

I briefly considered messaging her some private congratulations, but I wonder if it will just seem a bit off.... last we spoke in person was shortly after *my* wedding!  (Five years ago).   I guess I hadn't realised how long it was since we'd had any real contact.  So I'm thinking it's definitely time for a quiet unfriending.   I honestly can't think of anything else appropriate.  A  post saying "Oh wow, last I remember you were getting married the first time!" or  "Wait, what happened to John?"  would definitely be in poor taste!!
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Instantkarma

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2012, 07:30:49 AM »
I'm not sure what your question is? obviously neither of you cared enough about the friendship to stay in touch, she probably wont even notice if you delete her.

TurtleDove

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2012, 07:48:07 AM »
I don't think you need to do anything. I would caution you against passing judgment on her and making your judgment known. You have no idea what has happened in her life. If you cannot wish her well, do not say anything.

Ms Aspasia

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2012, 07:56:18 AM »
I agree that a quiet defriending would be fine.  Although you wish her well, there's not much to say after so long, as you've pointed out.

sparksals

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2012, 09:16:10 AM »
I'm also unsure of your question.  I don't understand why you want to defriend her.   I have plenty of friends like that.  If it makes you uncomfortable either befriend or hide her feed. 

aloe

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2012, 01:42:54 PM »
Maybe best to keep her on and just be silent.

The only people I de-Friend are people who have been rude or their silence is considered to me to be an extreme snub. 

Judah

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2012, 03:56:06 PM »
I don't see the question of friending or defriending as on of etiquette.  If you don't want to be facebook friends with her go ahead and defriend, I doubt she would notice if you haven't had any contact in years.
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Kaypeep

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2012, 04:19:30 PM »
As others said, if you haven't been close enough in years to be aware of her marital situation, then by all means unfriend her if you feel the friendship has gone on past it's expiration date.  I see no point in sending her any notes or messages.  She owes you no explanations and if you didn't reach out in all this time to have a better handle on her private life then you probably aren't owed one either.  It's no ones fault, it just is what it is.

MasterofSquirrels

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Re: When it's really time to defriend....
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2012, 08:41:17 PM »
I really don't see the etiquette here. You aren't close to this person, if you feel off about saying "Congrats" because the friendship isn't really there anymore, let her go. She most likely won't notice.