Author Topic: What could I say? (Very Long!)  (Read 22811 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3942
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2012, 11:32:34 AM »
I would seriously be worried about the mental state of a person who behaves this way.  I would suggest dropping a word to the owner of the pub describing what has happened and stating its effect on the time you are willing to spend at his place.  It might prompt him to either remove her or keep a closer eye on her if she starts harassing either you or another patron.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3942
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2012, 11:35:07 AM »
My friend has emailed me. This woman has nothing to do with CPS . The management of the establishment now knows she's lying and she is trouble. This removes the scary aspect.

I feel issue solved in that I don't want to ever see this woman again, and am happy to admit I was stupid for giving her the time of day!!! I would be justified.in simply walking away should I have the misfortune to see her. 

She doesn't deserve to be listened to as she doesn't know the truth. Usually I would hold pity for her, but my family come first here. Cross me and I will ignore. Threaten my family...and I will not ignore.

Seems your issues resolve themselves rather quickly, and I'm not sure what you needed in the way of advice if you already had the ball rolling.

Hollanda asked what she could have said to a woman who approaches her in public and makes wild accusations about her and her SO- even if she now knows the woman is making things up and has no power, I think having some lines at the ready should the situation repeat itself could be useful.  Also, even resolved situations can make for good discussion .

CleverScreenName

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2012, 11:39:59 AM »
My friend has emailed me. This woman has nothing to do with CPS . The management of the establishment now knows she's lying and she is trouble. This removes the scary aspect.

I feel issue solved in that I don't want to ever see this woman again, and am happy to admit I was stupid for giving her the time of day!!! I would be justified.in simply walking away should I have the misfortune to see her. 

She doesn't deserve to be listened to as she doesn't know the truth. Usually I would hold pity for her, but my family come first here. Cross me and I will ignore. Threaten my family...and I will not ignore.

Seems your issues resolve themselves rather quickly, and I'm not sure what you needed in the way of advice if you already had the ball rolling.

Hollanda asked what she could have said to a woman who approaches her in public and makes wild accusations about her and her SO- even if she now knows the woman is making things up and has no power, I think having some lines at the ready should the situation repeat itself could be useful.  Also, even resolved situations can make for good discussion .

She knew what to do, she said as much. I can't imagine being concerned about being rude if someone said things like that to me.

Hollanda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2419
  • Believe in yourself.
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2012, 11:50:06 AM »
I would seriously be worried about the mental state of a person who behaves this way.  I would suggest dropping a word to the owner of the pub describing what has happened and stating its effect on the time you are willing to spend at his place.  It might prompt him to either remove her or keep a closer eye on her if she starts harassing either you or another patron.

Did that last night. Calmly and objectively. I got my point across.
I think he was shocked. I didn't want to tell him, he was busy. But hey. It needed to be done. And my friend works in a job involved in some aspects of child protection. She put my.mind at rest. He's a happy boy, we go to Mum.and Baby group weekly and he's well looked after. She said not to worry. She would know Rachael if she worked in CP. That's a relief.

Sometimes I just need some ideas of how I could handle myself better if the need arose again. Sometimes writing it down helps get it in perspective for me. I didn't realise how vindictive this woman.could actually be. I don't want validation.or a pat on the back. The non etiquette part, ie what this woman could possibly do, is not for this forum.  What I do now is up to.me. But your.advice is helpful. It's reinforcing to.me that she has problems.  Big ones. Keeping myself away from her.is a priority.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2012, 12:16:43 PM »
Etiquette-wise when she asks to talk to you it would be best to say "I don't think that's a good idea" then walk away.

What a psycho...

I agree. Just decline and walk away.  The way you describe her should make her appear nuts to Othe.  And since you know these ladies. They will know you to be the sane one and her nuts.

Best to ignore ignore and ignore.

Hollanda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2419
  • Believe in yourself.
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2012, 12:42:34 PM »
She was just annoying when we used to live near her but we never dreamed she would stoop to these levels.  She must know how her behaviour affects people.

I hope others start ignoring her too. The less attention she gets the better.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Instantkarma

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 213
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2012, 01:33:27 PM »
She was just annoying when we used to live near her but we never dreamed she would stoop to these levels.  She must know how her behaviour affects people.

I hope others start ignoring her too. The less attention she gets the better.

You would think so but sometimes people who get ignored find it to be like a challenge like ok ill make up something so wild that people will have to talk about it - like saying she is going to report you to CPS is an escelstion from saying you are a bad mom for being at a pub on A Sunday - some people dont know how to keep themselves from trolling till something "sticks"

I'd definitely make sure to keep track of any further brush ups so u have a clear record of what happens if she tries to cause problems...good luck

Horace

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 238
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #22 on: May 29, 2012, 02:14:52 PM »
Hollanda - you live in England, why are you calling Social Services, CPS? Pretty sure people would have understand you if you'd used the correct terms.

As for the rest of the post; why would you want to be polite to someone who is acting like a complete cow to you.  It's just asking for trouble and drama.  Ignore her and then you won't have this issue.  If people try to stir things up then just tell them you're not interested in hearing anything about her.

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #23 on: May 29, 2012, 04:36:15 PM »

I am confused.  You posted this OP below today.  And then later today you posted the snipped after it.  In the last snipped, you also posted that you spoke to a friend today and that crazy lady isn't part of the CPS. 


I too am not sure what you are asking.  Given the time frame given below, i am very confused how it all got sorted so quickly in less than a day? 








 
Yesterday was the semi final. I performed my song, but was distracted when I noticed her sitting watching me. It was quite eerie the way she was staring at me.  I finished the song and went outside to call DF. When I had finished, she followed me. She asked if she could talk to me, and against my better judgement I said awkwardly "OK..." She proceeded to say to my face, almost word for word what that young girl had said to me last week.  I was silent, through shock. I then made my excuses, told the bar owner I had to go home for DS and asked him to let me know whether or not I got through. I couldn't stand to wait around for the results, I simply wanted to leave the place and get as much distance between her and me as possible.  The owner didn't mind (or didn't appear to mind) that I'd left, and maybe I should have stayed in there. But I just could not stand to be anywhere near this weird woman.



Snipped:



on: Today at 11:50:06

  • Did that last night. Calmly and objectively. I got my point across.
    I think he was shocked. I didn't want to tell him, he was busy. But hey. It needed to be done. And my friend works in a job involved in some aspects of child protection. She put my.mind at rest. He's a happy boy, we go to Mum.and Baby group weekly and he's well looked after. She said not to worry. She would know Rachael if she worked in CP. That's a relief.



    Snipped:



    on: Today at 11:13:42
    • My friend has emailed me. This woman has nothing to do with CPS . The management of the establishment now knows she's lying and she is trouble. This removes the scary aspect.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2012, 04:39:11 PM by Zilla »

jmarvellous

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3023
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #24 on: May 29, 2012, 05:33:42 PM »
I am confused by the postings Zilla mentions and the long background -- you get an hour in a bar to practice your songs every Sunday night? What about the other competitors or patrons at the bar? -- and the defensiveness about your alcohol consumption and care for your son here and in other posts.

BUT the heart of it is someone was saying things that you feel aren't true and you weren't sure if silence was the best response, right? Silence is the best response. I wouldn't say avoiding or not avoiding a place you go every Sunday to drink and sing because this woman might be there complaining about any and everything is necessary or even wise, though. Doing what you're comfortable with without regard to groundless (if they are indeed groundless) rumors and whispers is best, IMO. Sounds like you have damage control under control, too.

atirial

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2537
  • just 'plane mad
    • Cat blog
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #25 on: May 31, 2012, 06:22:54 AM »
BUT the heart of it is someone was saying things that you feel aren't true and you weren't sure if silence was the best response, right? Silence is the best response.
Agreed. It sounds like a situation that calls for a polite brush-off. Avoid speaking to her if at all possible and never be alone with her.
Pet Hatchery | My books
Killgrace stories - Webserial current date: 3rd October 1929

Hollanda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2419
  • Believe in yourself.
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2012, 06:58:31 AM »
A few things, since I haven't managed to respond to this post:
 
Zilla, I have worked in a number of different departments within different hospitals. I kept in touch with people.  One of them knows Rachael, and no, she doesn't do what she said she did. (So that part of her story was a lie.)  No, I am not a troll. When something like that happens, my first thought is limiting the damage or at least finding out what the damage is as fast as I can. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. What did happen in this case was that my major worry was proven unfounded. However, the situation was not resolved, really, as I still had not worked out what I should do about her to prevent any further damage being caused and without other people (Rachael excluded) thinking I was being rude.
 
See, my worry was this. She would start talking at me and I would do the eHell approved response of either silence or bean-dipping or "What an interesting assumption" etc. I would then get accused by someone overhearing this of being rude.   :-\
 
I thought that in my first post that I had put Social Services and in brackets "Child Protection" to ensure that people both sides of the pond knew what I was talking about. I omitted to do this.  I'm sorry.  I didn't want to use Social Services (SS) as I didn't want to confuse a mainly US board, if that makes sense.

Regarding what to do as regards the near future - well, that has been taken out of my hands now. We are travelling to see families over the Bank Holiday. I'm ecstatic about this, as after the whole competition thing, spending time together as a family is all both DF and I want.
 
DF's response...DF's not really surprised she's resorted to spreading rumours about us, and pointed out her complaints about us and others to our previous landlords were nothing more than fabrications. She takes one small truth and blows it out the water.  He told me not to worry so much. Be that as it may, it is clear things around here are going to have to change.  I don't know about a drink problem (I am aware of my defensiveness), but if it is causing any sort of concern about my abilities to be a mother, I am willing to give it up without a second's thought.
 
I don't want it to seem that I am either going there for the drama, or avoiding the place because of the drama. A happy medium would be just great here. And yes, as the majority of responses are saying to me, ignore, ignore, ignore.
 
I don't know what her intentions are, and I don't care. My intentions are to enjoy a Bank Holiday weekend with my DS and DF, and keep thoughts of her out of my mind as far as possible. She doesn't deserve the headspace. 
 
I feel that I have covered the main elements in this post. Please feel free if you would like anything else clarifying.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Hollanda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2419
  • Believe in yourself.
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2012, 07:01:20 AM »
I am confused by the postings Zilla mentions and the long background -- you get an hour in a bar to practice your songs every Sunday night? What about the other competitors or patrons at the bar? -- and the defensiveness about your alcohol consumption and care for your son here and in other posts.

BUT the heart of it is someone was saying things that you feel aren't true and you weren't sure if silence was the best response, right? Silence is the best response. I wouldn't say avoiding or not avoiding a place you go every Sunday to drink and sing because this woman might be there complaining about any and everything is necessary or even wise, though. Doing what you're comfortable with without regard to groundless (if they are indeed groundless) rumors and whispers is best, IMO. Sounds like you have damage control under control, too.

Sunday was the day all competitors tended to go, not just me. There is karaoke at that place a few times a week, usually 3-4 hours in length. One hour was simply the time I had told my DF I would take, since it is near where we live.  I can understand the confusion.
 
Thank you for your post.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

CleverScreenName

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2012, 10:43:25 AM »
A few things, since I haven't managed to respond to this post:
 
Zilla, I have worked in a number of different departments within different hospitals. I kept in touch with people.  One of them knows Rachael, and no, she doesn't do what she said she did. (So that part of her story was a lie.)  No, I am not a troll. When something like that happens, my first thought is limiting the damage or at least finding out what the damage is as fast as I can. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. What did happen in this case was that my major worry was proven unfounded. However, the situation was not resolved, really, as I still had not worked out what I should do about her to prevent any further damage being caused and without other people (Rachael excluded) thinking I was being rude.
 
See, my worry was this. She would start talking at me and I would do the eHell approved response of either silence or bean-dipping or "What an interesting assumption" etc. I would then get accused by someone overhearing this of being rude.   :-\
 
I thought that in my first post that I had put Social Services and in brackets "Child Protection" to ensure that people both sides of the pond knew what I was talking about. I omitted to do this.  I'm sorry.  I didn't want to use Social Services (SS) as I didn't want to confuse a mainly US board, if that makes sense.

Regarding what to do as regards the near future - well, that has been taken out of my hands now. We are travelling to see families over the Bank Holiday. I'm ecstatic about this, as after the whole competition thing, spending time together as a family is all both DF and I want.
 
DF's response...DF's not really surprised she's resorted to spreading rumours about us, and pointed out her complaints about us and others to our previous landlords were nothing more than fabrications. She takes one small truth and blows it out the water.  He told me not to worry so much. Be that as it may, it is clear things around here are going to have to change.  I don't know about a drink problem (I am aware of my defensiveness), but if it is causing any sort of concern about my abilities to be a mother, I am willing to give it up without a second's thought.
 
I don't want it to seem that I am either going there for the drama, or avoiding the place because of the drama. A happy medium would be just great here. And yes, as the majority of responses are saying to me, ignore, ignore, ignore.
 
I don't know what her intentions are, and I don't care. My intentions are to enjoy a Bank Holiday weekend with my DS and DF, and keep thoughts of her out of my mind as far as possible. She doesn't deserve the headspace. 
 
I feel that I have covered the main elements in this post. Please feel free if you would like anything else clarifying.

If someone can hear what you say, then I'm pretty they would hear what she also said. So, I can't imagine they would think you were rude. And honestly, why would you care? You are way overthinking this entire thing, and the rest of your post, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: What could I say? (Very Long!)
« Reply #29 on: May 31, 2012, 11:22:19 AM »
A few things, since I haven't managed to respond to this post:
 
Zilla, I have worked in a number of different departments within different hospitals. I kept in touch with people.  One of them knows Rachael, and no, she doesn't do what she said she did. (So that part of her story was a lie.)  No, I am not a troll. When something like that happens, my first thought is limiting the damage or at least finding out what the damage is as fast as I can. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. What did happen in this case was that my major worry was proven unfounded. However, the situation was not resolved, really, as I still had not worked out what I should do about her to prevent any further damage being caused and without other people (Rachael excluded) thinking I was being rude.
 


I saw my name being referenced but not sure why? Where did I call you a troll? I was asking about the timing of your posts from the original post to the last one before my post that it was less than 12 hours.  But from your original post you made it seem that nothing was resolved.  Hence my confusion.


What you posted above, I didn't question the validity of your friend's claims that Rachel doesn't work in CPS.  Just wanted to clarify that!