General Etiquette > Family and Children

Sister taking my kid's food - how forceful can I get before I'm rude in response

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SuperMartianRobotGirl:
My toddler and I frequently go out with my sister. My sister always, and I do mean always, takes her food. I always tell her not to. Our latest meal, over the holiday weekend, went something like this (imagine her taking food or asking to take food every time I say something):

* That is kid's meal.
* She won't have enough to eat if you eat it all.
* If you like X so much, you can order X, but she needs hers.
* She might be able to eat that much.
* If she doesn't eat it all, I can take home the leftovers for her to eat later, but we won't know how much she's hungry for if you've eaten it all.
* Don't ask her if you can eat her food. She's just a toddler. She doesn't understand.
* I paid for it, and I say you can't have it.
* Stop taking her food!
* It's rude to take food off other people's plates! If you do it again, this will be the last time we eat out with you!She told my mom I was mean and I have my mom telling me it was rude to call her out in public about taking my kid's food. I know I got very forceful, but I held back from slapping her hand, and if she'd stopped before I got to that point I wouldn't have gotten there. I do feel bad that at the end I was loud enough that people at other tables could hear me, and she was probably embarrassed at that point.

I also hate how she involves our mom in every disagreement. We're grown-ups now. But that's a complaint for another day.

Also, what should I do next time we eat together if she does it again? Or should I refuse to go out to eat with her from now on?

QueenofAllThings:
Aside from not going out with her, can you seat her far enough  away so that she can't reach her food?

SuperMartianRobotGirl:
If it's just the three of us in a booth at a restaurant, not really. Also, she's the kid's aunt, so she likes to interact with her the whole time.

LeveeWoman:
I'd refuse to go out with her until she gets that it's not okay to steal food from a baby.

TootsNYC:
wait--your grownup sister takes your child's food?

I would refuse to eat with her anymore. Instead of simply threatening to.

And if she wouldn't respond until you embarrassed her, I wouldn't worry that much about embarrassing her.

The other possible approach would be to bring this up when you're not out to eat. And to ask your sister (and genuine listen!) if she has any idea why she does this.

And then once you're explored that, ask her whether she'll make the promise to leave the child's food alone. Then see if she'll keep her promise. And if she doesn't, pack up the food and the kid and leave, even if it means leaving her behind to finish her own meal.

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