Being undermined.another update pg 3

[Virg]

MOM21SON wrote:

"You are right and I know that Coach doesn't have the balls to confront OV."

Sounds like he could use an equipment manager.    Anyway, he asked you to come back after you left because of OV's actions, and OV's actions are driving you away again.  Telling him that you're planning on leaving, and why, puts the onus for action on him.  If he steps up to the plate (heh), then you win.  If he drops the ball after you tell him this (heh heh), then you can leave with a clear conscience.

Virg

[TootsNYC]

I would find another place to volunteer, for sure because it seems that OV wants to be super in charge of everything over here. That being said, I do not think you came across as a fool in any of these situations. If I had been there, I would have thought of her as pushy and you as someone who wasn't interested in rocking the boat.

However, there is nothing wrong with a little boat rocking. For example, if you had said "I don't think there will be anything wrong in saying, OV we might not have the fees to cover that should we check with someone else?" in the last example.

I agree with all of this.

1) find somewhere else to volunteer. You're not really needed here, and it's frustrating you to deal with someone who isn't willing to make room for you TO feel or be needed.

2) don't make a big stink. You *can* say, "I feel like I'm not all that central to what goes on, and it isn't fun to feel sort of shunted aside. And it seems that OV's style is just to take care of things herself, so I figure I'll just step out of the way."

There are alternate explanations--if I was going to tell you to post something on Facebook, it would probably be easier to just post it myself. It would take 1/4 the time it would take for me to explain it.

If everybody is not liking the schedule (and it does sound like there was a genuine concensus), then the OV was actually right to go to the coach to see if it could be changed. That's a proactive approach. Presumably the coach would know the state of the finances and whether there's the opportunity to pay for the new practice time, or else the coach would say, "check w/ Mom21Son about the fees first."

I agree about the contact person--that might have been a place for you to speak up and establish your "presence," by saying, "If you actually get so hurt that YOU can't answer questions, we need to be able to use the name on this form to get in touch with your family." You stood there and let that happen. Perhaps you were so focused on being overriden and interrupted, and you were so focused on your conflict w/ OV, that you could only see that. If you can re-focus on the TRUE issue ("what is the purpose of this line on the form, and how do *I* help this team member fill it out properly?"), you might have found yourself able to speak up and "be present."

[Lynn2000]

OP, your situation stinks. But it sounds like you've given this group of people not one but two chances, and they've let you down twice. It might be better to just tender your resignation with the coach and try to find another place where they can really appreciate your talents and use them. It sounds like you're leaning in this direction anyway. Good luck!

[bopper]

DH says the same thing, talk to Coach.  But then I feel like a tattletale, but in the same breath, he will be shocked if I just disappear.

You aren't tattling, you are clarifying roles.

"Coach, I wanted to clarify the responsibilities that OV and I have.  I understand I am to post updates on Facebook and collect fees to cover practices and games.  However, she has been updating Facebook and setting up practices that are not covered by fees.  I need you to either let her have the responsibility for both or tell her or remove her authorization to notify others about practices. I am cool either way, but I don't want to be in the position of looking like a fool."


The key thing is to make the coach make an active decision. If he/she doesn't know how unhappy you are, then he will be fine with the status quo.

You could even draft an email for coach to send out.

"OV and OP:

I have had some questions regarding the volunteer responsibilities for TeamX.

OP is responsible for FB updates, fee collection, practice field booking and medical form collecting.  OP should be the only one making updates to the FB page.

OV is responsible for x, y, z. OV should be the only one doing these tasks.

Coach is responsible for setting practice dates and times.

Love,  Coach."

[rachellenore]

She's mean. She will never stop since she knows she hurts you and that's what makes her happy. There is no way to change this, as anyone with eyes could see she does this, meaning no one wants to put an end to it. You should stop putting yourself through this and move on.

Tell the coach you're leaving and don't make drama, that's what that person wants.

[wheeitsme]

I am hopeless, I guess.

No, you are not.  You are smart enough to know that this situation will not work out because of something beyond your control.  Recognizing that is not failure.

[still in va]

She's mean. She will never stop since she knows she hurts you and that's what makes her happy. There is no way to change this, as anyone with eyes could see she does this, meaning no one wants to put an end to it. You should stop putting yourself through this and move on.

Tell the coach you're leaving and don't make drama, that's what that person wants.

i'm not sure OV is mean; more like extremely insecure and needs to do everything she possibly can to be indispensable to as many people as possible. 

it's not going to get better, and i would leave.

[CharlieBraun]

You are:

Smart.  Savvy.  Social media aware.  Interested.  Passionate.  Intelligent.  And devoted to your community and the wellbeing of your son.

Do you have any idea how many organizations are starved for someone like you?

This one is dining on junk food (OV) when they could have a steak dinner (you.)

Serve the steak elsewhere.  I can't tell you how much difference you could really make if properly valued. 

Saying goodbye might be delicate because you don't want to come across as petty (regardless of their pettiness,) so I'd say simply that you feel as though the organization really only needs one volunteer and that you would like to offer your volunteer time to an organization which is lacking an active pair of hands.

[MOM21SON]

Thank you all for your opinions.  I have a had long talk with DH and I am stepping aside.  DH encouraged me to look into taking the sign language classes that I have been talking about.  I would love to do that.

This weekend I will be getting all the team stuff together and hopefully meeting with the coach Monday.  For now, I have decided that I will just tell the truth about how things are being done and it just isn't for me anymore.  But I still have time to think about what I will say.

[CharlieBraun]

Thank you all for your opinions.  I have a had long talk with DH and I am stepping aside.  DH encouraged me to look into taking the sign language classes that I have been talking about.  I would love to do that.

This weekend I will be getting all the team stuff together and hopefully meeting with the coach Monday.  For now, I have decided that I will just tell the truth about how things are being done and it just isn't for me anymore.  But I still have time to think about what I will say.

Warm hugs to you, and a thank you for being a volunteer.  Volunteers are the backbone of so many organizations.  I applaud your efforts to take on sign language (it's very graphic!) and I bet that a whole new world will open up for you when you do.

[BeagleMommy]

OP, I have no advice.  I just want to offer hugs and hope that you will find an organization that will appreciate your awesomeness.  Take the sign language classes.  It sounds like you'd enjoy them.

[zyrs]

Thank you all for your opinions.  I have a had long talk with DH and I am stepping aside.  DH encouraged me to look into taking the sign language classes that I have been talking about.  I would love to do that.

This weekend I will be getting all the team stuff together and hopefully meeting with the coach Monday.  For now, I have decided that I will just tell the truth about how things are being done and it just isn't for me anymore.  But I still have time to think about what I will say.

Those sign language classes sound interesting and fun.  I am sure you will enjoy them.

[kherbert05]

In the case of the document, is the problem that the 18-year-old doesn't have any family nearby? I don't know how the laws are in other places, but in my state an emergency contact does not have to be your spouse or next of kin. My contacts have usually been a serious boyfriend, or my best friend. So if she doesn't have family close by, and has a good relationship with OV, why couldn't OV be her contact?

But OV probably couldn't authorize medical care without a medical POA.
My sister had to stop and ER doc from giving me a anti-nausea medicine  with sedative side effect - because she knew in all likelyhood I would become impulsive even combative instead of going to sleep*.The only reason they listened was she had a copy of the medical POA with her.


*Might be related to ADHD - give me caffeine and I sleep. Give me a sedative I try to fly off third floor balconies, punch out nurses, get mad and try to walk to other relative who is nice but in another country.

[Syfygeek]

Mom21son,

Good luck on your meeting with the coach. Make notes if you need to in order to stay on track.  I hope you enjoy your sign class!

[MOM21SON]

Okay, I have a update. 

Last Tuesday, I spoke to OV.  I mean I laid it all out and gave examples.  She was sorry and would never let it happen again.  right.

Wednesday she did it again twice.  I let it go.  Thursday she texted me about something else she did and just wanted me to know that she took care of it.  Well I exploded and acted like a idoit.  I packed up all the stuff and took it to the coach and rattled my mouth off  I was mad and crying.  I feel like a fool now.

So today DS had activity at the facility.  I HAD to go in and pick him up, its in the rules.  The first thing after "Hi, mom21son!"  the coach asked to have a meeting wih me, next monday when he is off.  I said I would let him know and we small talked. 

He reveled someting to me and it made me sad.  "This is why I have so many girlfriend problems.  She is always there."  I just stared and went on my merry way.  I have wondered many times about his private relationships.  But he needs to do something about it if he wants it to change.