General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Friend request rejections - is it an etiquette issue?

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CleverScreenName:

--- Quote from: tsylvain on May 30, 2012, 11:38:53 AM ---I wouldn't worry so much if the coworkers who rejected me weren't already friends with other coworkers.  In other words, those rejecting my requests apparently didn't have a no-friends-from-work-allowed policy.

--- End quote ---

I have a co-worker on my friend list, I trust her, and we are truly friends. My other co-workers, there is no way I want them them on my friend list. I don't dislike them, I just don't feel the need to include them in my personal life.

Kaypeep:
Rejecting friend requests in FB is not rude, IMO.  Nor is having a party IRL and not inviting everyone you know.  As long as people treat you well personally and/or professionally in real life, that is what matters most.  FB is an entity that millions use and enjoy for various reasons, in varying amounts.  Some of my closest friends are not on FB at all, or have accounts but don't use it.  I wouldn't discount their friendship anymore than someone on FB who I never see IRL but who comments and posts daily.  I don't think it's an etiquette issue at all.  Their page is their own and they have the right to limit or grant access.  You are not owed an explanation, either.  Simply put, you asked, they said no.  End of story.  You have to just accept it and move on.

Bibliophile:
I think people are free to friend who they want to on FB.  They don't need to give an explanation.  It is not rude to exclude one person from your friends list while including everyone else.  If you run into that person again, you go about your business as if the request was never sent.

tsylvain:
Regarding Judah's comment:  "I guess I don't understand why Facebook is such an emotional thing for some people. It's just a tool and we all use it for our own reasons" --

Yes, it's just a tool, but I think the reason that people like me get their feelings hurt or at least are somewhat baffled is that there is an offer of friendship (okay, Facebook "friendship," but still) and that offer is quietly ignored.  That offer and rejection could influence real-life interactions afterwards or at least make the rejectee feel less warmly towards the person who rejected him or her. 

Thanks for all of your comments, though.  You're helping me to see that others don't attach as much meaning to these interactions (or intentional lack thereof) if they have worked out their own friend-accepting rules of thumb.  To me, though, even if these rejections are conducted on Facebook, they are still rejections.

Tilt Fairy:
Different people just use Facebook differently. Some people just don't see it as a mirror image of their friendships in real life. Some people will be friends with people in real life without having them as their online friend on Facebook and vice versa. When I used to have Facebook, I didn't have any family members or distant family members as Facebook friends at all. Not my sister, my cousins, aunts, uncles, boyfriends sister, his parents etc... Even though I liked them, I wanted to be free from them knowing even the slightest thing about my life such as what my plans were, what my friends were like, racey/sexy/expletive or innuendo-heavy wall posts/status updates/photos etc.. I even rejected or deleted some of my best friends and even my own boyfriend as Facebook friends because they were a right pain on Facebook.

Basically, some people will just see Facebook for what it is, Facebook. To them it won't be a mirror or extension of their friendships in real life. A lot of people I know, only have extremely close friends on Facebook. You'd be their friend in real life but to socialise with online, they'd just like really really close friends.

Also, don't forget, Facebook has two primary purposes 1)To socialise and interact and 2) To share/put info about you on there.
A lot of people might be happy to interact and socialise with online with a whole range of different levels of friendships -from their best friend to coworkers, to someone they've only met twice. But for the other Facebook reason - to share things about themselves or the fact that people would be able to see posts,photos, likes, statuses etc.., they might have a stricter friend filter.

Not everyone who is happy to interact with all is happy to share with all. Someone might be happy to have you on Skype or MSN messenger as a friend but not as a Facebook friend. Not because they don't want to interact with you as a friend, but maybe because of the "one can see/find out anything about you" aspect of the Facebook profile, they'd prefer to only restrict that privilege to a select few. Of course there are settings to control this but people don't have to use them. They can reject people instead. Not reject them as a friend in the true sense of the word - but merely reject them as a Facebook friend only.

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