General Etiquette > Family and Children

Proper response to "jokes" that cross the line?

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Reason:
I don't like knives. When I was much younger I've been stabbed on several occasions (it was not a very nice neighborhood where I grew up). Not to say that I have  a phobia of knives, but I get a rush of adrenaline whenever I see one in someone else's hand and I tense up and tend to move away. It can be a simple steak knife, but I still don't like it. It puts my mind into fight mode whenever I see one.

My family obviously knows of my history and my reaction to blades. So, my older sister was hosting a family dinner that she was cooking right on the spot. She was in the middle of talking to me and cooking when she took out a knife to cut some bell peppers. I moved away and stopped talking. So she asked me what I am scared of, and that that as my sister she's obviously not going to cut me. That's true of course, but it doesn't change my reaction. I said that I am not scared just that I don't like knives, which everyone should already know. So she decided that it would be funny to chase me with it, as I am obviously scared. I took the knife away from her, lay it on the counter and left the dinner. My father was furious with her for playing this kind of joke, which was especially ironic, since I got my biggest scar while fighting off 3 men that were trying to force my sister into an abandoned building.

My other sister says that I am over reacting and if I just didn't respond when she chased me with the knife, she would have put it away and there would be no drama. But it's not so easy for me to see a knife coming at me and not react, even if it's from someone I trust. Was I wrong to just leave the dinner like that? Could I have said something that would not have escalated the situation?

ettiquit:
Wow, that was incredibly thoughtless of her.  I'm glad your dad stood up for you though, so hopefully she won't do it again.  I really don't know if there's anything you could have said - since I doubt you expected her to take the joke that far.

NyaChan:
That is horrible  :(  Your sister was so incredibly out of line.  She blamed the problem on your reaction to her when the true problem was her own behavior.  I'm glad your dad stuck up for you and leaving was absolutely the right thing to do. 

LeveeWoman:

--- Quote from: Reason on May 31, 2012, 01:02:51 PM ---I don't like knives. When I was much younger I've been stabbed on several occasions (it was not a very nice neighborhood where I grew up). Not to say that I have  a phobia of knives, but I get a rush of adrenaline whenever I see one in someone else's hand and I tense up and tend to move away. It can be a simple steak knife, but I still don't like it. It puts my mind into fight mode whenever I see one.

My family obviously knows of my history and my reaction to blades. So, my older sister was hosting a family dinner that she was cooking right on the spot. She was in the middle of talking to me and cooking when she took out a knife to cut some bell peppers. I moved away and stopped talking. So she asked me what I am scared of, and that that as my sister she's obviously not going to cut me. That's true of course, but it doesn't change my reaction. I said that I am not scared just that I don't like knives, which everyone should already know. So she decided that it would be funny to chase me with it, as I am obviously scared. I took the knife away from her, lay it on the counter and left the dinner. My father was furious with her for playing this kind of joke, which was especially ironic, since I got my biggest scar while fighting off 3 men that were trying to force my sister into an abandoned building.

My other sister says that I am over reacting and if I just didn't respond when she chased me with the knife, she would have put it away and there would be no drama. But it's not so easy for me to see a knife coming at me and not react, even if it's from someone I trust. Was I wrong to just leave the dinner like that? Could I have said something that would not have escalated the situation?

--- End quote ---

I think she would've done what she did no matter what you said, Reason. And I thikn your reaction was perfect.

Harriet:
I'm furious on your behalf. That's incredibly upsetting and not funny at all. What a betrayal, especially given the backstory of your biggest scar. You protect her and then she turns that against you? Not cool.

I'm not sure what you could do in the moment when someone has forgotten themselves so far as to play such a stupid trick, but I'd definitely bring it up later after you have both cooled down. I'm not sure what your relationship is like generally (you don't have to answer,) but does she normally go in for silly jokes like this that occasionally cross the line? Was this unusual?

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