Underage drinkers

[hobish]

I would give an underage soldier a beer in my house, with or without her mothers permission.

I would, too, in principle; but the OP & host had expressed her wishes when the alcohol was offered. As she was the host, her wishes should have been followed.

In Ohio (USA) it is only legal to give alcohol to YOUR child and only in your presence.  If you hand it to a child who is not yours. it is illegal. Period. End of statement.

Saying that, this woman had no right to liqure up your son, and you could have had her arrested for it.

We had a "graduation party" (high school) in our area last year where the PARENTS of the graduating child had several kegs of beer for the party.  At a rented hall, needless to say, police showed up and every child that was underage (21) was counted up and the parents were given a $1000.00 fine PER CHILD.  If I remember correctly it was somewhere in the neiborhood of 100 children. 

Yes $100,000.00 fine.  And for once the judge didn't suspend it.

But - Man it was some Party!!

I didn't know that. Good for Ohio for having some sense. I have no idea if NJ has simlar laws about that, but by the time i was 15 or 16 i was allowed to have a wine cooler at family bbq's, or a glass of wine with special dinners. It was nice to feel grown up & i think actually taught me more responsibility than if i had been unleashed at 21 having never had a single drink before.

[Hawkwatcher]

I would give an underage soldier a beer in my house, with or without her mothers permission.

There is a big difference between serving an underage soldier, who is an adult, and a fifteen-year old who is still living at home.  In this case, the OP's guest was rude for not checking with the OP before offering the son alcohol and she was rude arguing with the OP.  Even if she thought that the OP was a prude for not saying "no," she should respect the OP's right to make that decision. 
 

[L1NDSAY]

I didn't know that. Good for Ohio for having some sense. I have no idea if NJ has simlar laws about that, but by the time i was 15 or 16 i was allowed to have a wine cooler at family bbq's, or a glass of wine with special dinners. It was nice to feel grown up & i think actually taught me more responsibility than if i had been unleashed at 21 having never had a single drink before.

[/quote]

I have to agree with this reasoning. Here in the UK the legal age is 18 (lower in continental Europe 15/16 I think) and being 18 coincides with leaving home to go to uni. Children of stricter parents did seem to go more off the rails during the first semester compared to those who had been allowed greater freedom.

However it is correct that alcohol should not have been offered to your children especially after you said no the first time. I would say that is beyond rude and venturing into disrespectful.

[RubySlippers]

The other thing is that I had even thought of offering the younger ones a very small glass of white wine (or a very weak spritzer) later on in the evening, but certainly not an entire 7% cooler.  I don't think beer has that high of an alcohol content, even up here in Canada.
Think I'll just get a T-shirt that says "I'm a prude - so sue me!"

[ClaireC79]

Lindsey also add to that that in the UK you can drink, under parental guidance, in private residences from the age of 5.  Of have a glass of wine (or A beer or some other drinks) witha  meal in a pub/restaurant from the age of 16.

I have to say if I was giving my 15 year old a drink on new years, I'd probably offer if to whichever of their friends were there as well)

[Bethczar]

.[/fon
by the time i was 15 or 16 i was allowed to have a wine cooler at family bbq's, or a glass of wine with special dinners. It was nice to feel grown up & i think actually taught me more responsibility than if i had been unleashed at 21 having never had a single drink before

That was my parents' attitude as well. We could have a sip of what they were drinking, or, when we got older, could have a beer, glass of wine, etc. on special days. I learned early that most alcohol tastes nasty (except tequila, dang it!)

I have to say if I was giving my 15 year old a drink on new years, I'd probably offer if to whichever of their friends were there as well)

True, but I would have asked their mom first. Her house, her rules.

[kingsrings]

My parents also offered my brother and I sips of alcohol growing up on special occasions. We could have a sip of champagne with toasts, for example. That's quite a bit different than handing son or daughter a full can or bottle of something to indulge in along with the adults.

One of the saddest stories I remember from high school was a drunk-driving accidents involving a bunch of local kids, several from my high school. They had all gotten liquored up and drove around in a pick-up, crashed, two were killed, the rest were seriously injured. The alcohol had been supplied to them by the mother of one of the kids, and she was right along in the pick-up (which was also hers) with them, partying along with them. One of those 'cool' moms. When the crash occured, she was more concerned about how her truck had been damaged rather than the fact that there were a bunch of dead and injured kids lying around. It was a huge local story for a while, and everyone was in an uproar over it. I can't remember the technicalities of the case, but unforuntalely, she wasn't punished as severly as she should of been.

[Venus193]

I probably put this on the old board but it bears repeating.  My etiquette-challenged friend grew up in an alcoholic family where there was tremendous pride in being able to "hold" one's liquor.  Children as young as three were given full dixie cups of sweet wine at family gatherings.  I can't imagine what that did to their brain cells.

I don't know if any of her relatives still do this, but I think it's reckless endangerment.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I feel like I gave in to peer pressure and set a bad example and now I feel like crap.  ... I already seem to have a bit of a reputation with this friend as a "prude" about raising my boys but I don't think this is a negotiable area.

You know what really annoys me regarding alcohol, sleeping around, drugs, whatever? The fact that the people who do it try to coerce others into doing it as well. "Oh come on, don't be square!" "It's fun, you'll like it!" "You're a prude, why don't you loosen up?" etc. But the fact that they feel the need to try and involve others in whatever activity it is tells me that they know there's something wrong with it, and that they want others to participate so they don't feel bad about it.

And you know what? Frack them. It is very hard to resist peer pressure, but in some cases, for your (general you) health, for your children's sake, whatever, it must be done. What's the worst thing that can happen if you resist peer pressure? You're called a prude? Been there; done that: "I AM a prude; what's your point?" Your friends leave? Well, if they're encouraging underage drinking, I wouldn't want them in my house in the first place.

Don't let them make you compromise your morals. So what if they think you're a prude? At least your child isn't going to be arrested for underage drinking or caught driving while under the influence. Stick to your guns. I'm not sure I would be able to continue a friendship with someone who didn't share my morals.

... That said, I don't have a problem per se if a parent lets their child have a sip of wine or a drink of champagne at a wedding or something. My parents let me have sips, and I don't think they were prepared for the gagging noises and the, "I can't breathe! Are you trying to kill me?!" that resulted. Aside from one or two sips (and I mean sips that I spat out!!), I only drank an entire glass of alcohol for the first time when I was about 26. I'm 37 now and still have never drank more than one or two glasses of liqueur or sangria in my life. Wine makes my chest close up, and champage is nasty stuff, never mind harder stuff. Yuk.

A few years ago when I had a birthday dinner, I invited my cousin who was about 15 at the time. I was with my brother, SIL and some g*a*y friends of ours. One of them ordered some sherry or liquer or something for the table, and the waitress did not realise my cousin was not 18, so she brought her a glass as well. Cousin got this "deer-in-the-headlights" look. I said, "It's one glass (it was a shot glass), so drink it if you want to, or don't, but I'm telling the waitress not to bring you any more." Cousin drank it (our laws about drinking are not as strict as in the States) but didn't like it. "Ew, I'm never drinking THAT again." I just smiled inwardly because I knew the stuff was vile and she'd hate it. Heh heh. At least now Cousin has a cool story to tell about the g*a*y men who bought her alcohol! And she doesn't drink now even though she's turning 19 next month.

I meant to add: My point in that last paragraph was, if you make alcohol (or any "vice") seem like a "forbidden fruit", teens are going to want to try it. However, if you act like it's not a big deal at all within your moral code, then teens will likely not see why everyone gushes over drinking when it tastes horrible or whatever. It's a fine line, but it can be done. My parents managed it with myself and my brother, and I try to adopt that attitude with my cousin (or at least I did when babysitting her - she's too old for that now!).

[Twik]

I have to say if I was giving my 15 year old a drink on new years, I'd probably offer if to whichever of their friends were there as well)

Does this mean that you really don't care whether the other children's parents approve or not? There may be a very good reason (from genetic predisposition to alcoholism to the fact that the kid just got out of rehab and no one told you) for the parents to prefer that if anyone makes decisions about "Oh, it's ok just to have one drink", it should be them. You know your own kids - you really don't know more than the surface details about their friends.

[Musicwoman]

You know what really annoys me regarding alcohol, sleeping around, drugs, whatever? The fact that the people who do it try to coerce others into doing it as well. "Oh come on, don't be square!" "It's fun, you'll like it!"

One I heard a lot of was "If you've never tried it, how do you know you won't like it?"  I always replied that that was what my mother had said about broccoli.

[Hawkwatcher]

I have to say if I was giving my 15 year old a drink on new years, I'd probably offer if to whichever of their friends were there as well)

Does this mean that you really don't care whether the other children's parents approve or not? There may be a very good reason (from genetic predisposition to alcoholism to the fact that the kid just got out of rehab and no one told you) for the parents to prefer that if anyone makes decisions about "Oh, it's ok just to have one drink", it should be them. You know your own kids - you really don't know more than the surface details about their friends.

If people are going to complain about parents who do not discipline their children or establish rules for their kids to follow, it only makes sense to support parents when they do set rules.  Arguing over whether or not they are prudish or giving their children alcohol without getting permission first is not the best way to show support.

[ClaireC79]

If their parent was also there then they would have the right to veto it and if they said no, then I'd respect their wishes but in general if they came to my house it probably wouldn't occur to me and would treat them like my own (This is probably at the age from 15/16).  If they said no I'd take it at that and not push it, but I would offer. (If I knew the parents had rules over drinking then I would follow them)

[Evil Duckie]

She has quite a bit of gall to give your underage children a drink without your permission.

This is something that people should not undermine the parents on ever. She was no friend to you or your family.

[kingsrings]

If their parent was also there then they would have the right to veto it and if they said no, then I'd respect their wishes but in general if they came to my house it probably wouldn't occur to me and would treat them like my own (This is probably at the age from 15/16).  If they said no I'd take it at that and not push it, but I would offer. (If I knew the parents had rules over drinking then I would follow them)

Alcohol consumption is a very controversial issue to some people as stated in this thread reason-wise, and you should never serve alcohol to anyone's kids without first checking with their parents.