Party planned by group but at one person's house, money collected for party

[SuperMartianRobotGirl]

This happened a while back.

I'm belong to a group that wanted to have an activity to celebrate something. Person A suggested Person B's house, and said we could collect money to pay for the food and drinks, etc., so that it didn't all fall on B's shoulders. B said that would be fine, and everything was planned. Each person chipped in a few dollars.

So we had the party, and it was nice, but a few people didn't show up. Later, in the group, one told me she didn't go because she thought it was rude for B to expect money to host.

What do you think of parties of this nature? Should B have said, "Oh I'll have the party, and no one has to chip in any money?" Or what?

[veryfluffy]

Person B wasn't hosting the party. S/he generously agreed to provide the venue for the group to have its party. The people whose noses were put out of joint about this need a reality check.

(In my opinion, even if the money collected included a bit to pay for a cleaning service afterwards, that would have been fine.)

[Two Ravens]

I agree. B wasn't hosting the party, just providing a place for the group to meet.

To me, its a bit on par with a potluck, except I would much rather pay money then have to make anything. 

I think some people go through life looking for things to be offended over.

[rose red]

If person A suggested that person's house, she'd be fine with it and wouldn't expect money for anything? 

Person B was fine.

[Lynn2000]

I agree with all of the above... B was providing the venue, presumably doing the shopping but paying with the provided money, and setting everything up. That's actually quite a bit of work still--it's not like the cash magically transformed itself into a table of prepared food (and cleaned up after itself!).

I like the potluck analogy. Of course some people don't like potlucks, they want the host to provide everything. But again, to me B wasn't really the host--I don't want to call her exactly the caterer or venue owner, since she was indeed participating in the party as a member of the group, but it sounds like the gathering's parameters were laid out clearly at the start of the process. It wasn't like B caught people at the door and made them pay to get in.

[blarg314]

Would these same people be happy when next time the event comes around, their place is nominated and they were expected to do the set up, clean up, cooking, preparation and purchasing for the whole party?

As others have said, I think they've missed the point of a shared group gathering. If you had decided to meet at a restaurant, I'm presuming that they wouldn't expect the person who phoned in the reservation to pay for the whole thing.

[whatsanenigma]

Okay, I'm a little confused here.

The party was held at B's house and beforehand, A suggested that everyone chip in money for food and drinks and such. (This was not even B's suggestion.)  I assume A suggested this because A was hoping the party could be held at B's place but because B hadn't volunteered, A didn't want B to feel unduly obligated ("voluntold" as I have seen it said here in this forum). 

The money was collected, and used by someone (the original post does not even say it was B, or if A used it) to obtain/reimburse for the supplies.  B did not get any money for hosting.  No profit was turned.  The money went to the party supplies.

I'm confused as to why anyone would be offended, particularly specifically at B.  If you'd all gotten together at a local park or something, and everyone chipped in for supplies, would that have been rude? If "potluck" type parties are not your cup of tea, if you only like fully hosted ones, well, that's your preference and you don't have to go, but to find them offensive is just really odd to me.

[SuperMartianRobotGirl]

I was confused about why too, unless C (the complainer) is jealous that B has a really nice place. Her house is amazing. Perfect for this kind of thing. Or maybe C was just having a bad day? Anyway, it's too bad when everyone doesn't agree, but often someone doesn't.

[O'Dell]

I think person A was rude to suggest B's house unless they discussed it privately and agreed first. I've been B with others suggesting meeting at my house without clearing it with me first and I don't appreciate it. Just had to say that.

Ideally, since this was a group party, I don't think B should have been responsible for anything other than the venue. Others should have taken care of the food, drinks, supplies, and/or money handling...and most of the clean up as well.

But if the group did agree to have B buy things for the group's party, then she deserves to be reimbursed.

[Kess]

I agree it's not a hosting situation.  We're a little like this with my gaming group: DH and I provide the venue, and tea/coffee/squash/water, plus most of the boardgames and RPG books, and DH is the GM/DM (so is giving up lots of time and effort).  No way could we afford to host fully every week, and no-one else has a suitable house to gather in.  So even if it's over a mealtime, we forewarned everone we won't be providing food (though if I've baked or picked up a multipack of doughnuts or something we share) and we don't.  They're welcome to bring with them or order in.

[WillyNilly]

Like others I think Complainer was being a putz.  Person B didn't make money off the deal, the funds were to off-set the cost of the party.

I think person A was rude to suggest B's house unless they discussed it privately and agreed first. I've been B with others suggesting meeting at my house without clearing it with me first and I don't appreciate it. Just had to say that.

Well sometimes people just know about their friends though.  My BFF has suggested, publicly, parties we should have (as a group) which "can be at WillyNilly's place!"  Yes I'm put on the spot, but so long as I'm available, she knows I actually don't mind parties at my home at all, it actually is always available.  We have another friend Lydia who has also said many times "hey my house is always available!" So again, it wouldn't be rude for her house specifically even though its rude as a whole to volunteer someone else's place.

[JustRhon]

My group of friends does this sort of thing a lot. More often than not we use my house because I have the most room when it's cold and I have a pool and outdoor kitchen for when it's warm but I'd quickly go broke if I had to pay for everything all the time just because my house was choosen as the party location. We usually all chip in a few dollars to order pizza or we go potluck style. To be honest if I was expected to pay for everything I'd insist we take turns hosting or simply refuse to "host" after the first time or two.  Anyone that called me rude for taking that stance would soon find them self unwelcome at my home anytime. C