Author Topic: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment  (Read 5961 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

SPuck

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 975
Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« on: June 07, 2012, 08:18:59 AM »
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

So for the first one. I don't know, but Abby sounds way off on this one. I can't imagine bringing a desert/side dish I have never heard of before to dinner because I don't know if it would turn out right or not.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15852
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2012, 08:21:30 AM »
You beat me to this one.

I was wondering just how long the LW waited to call, but she could also have suggested an alternative that she was familiar with.

HermioneGranger

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2490
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2012, 08:25:52 AM »
You beat me to it as well.  I think that Abby was wrong, too.  If the host wanted to try a specific dish, she should fix it herself. 

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2012, 08:26:41 AM »
Well I think the LW was ok to back out as the nature of the invitation had changed after she accepted. As for this dish... if they were good friends of mine I might have made it... although I'm pretty notorious for tweaking recipes to accommodate what I have on hand, so they'd get what they get. Casual friends I probably would decline the event if asigned a specific recipe.

misha412

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 444
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2012, 08:31:45 AM »
Ok...looks like we are all running to post on this one.

Abby only looked at the social part of it.

1. Invitation to dinner apparently did not indicate potluck initially.
2. Potluck usually means each person makes a choice of their own of what to contribute, not being given an assignment.
3. Hostess basically set the menu for her party, then decided to have each person make it for her. She was even going to give out her recipes to make sure it was the right one. So, no, can you bring your favorite chocolate cake? More like...I want you to make my Aunt Peggy's recipe, here it is.

I do not blame the guest for being peeved. The gathering might have been a social blessing, but everything else was not.

Elphaba

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 854
  • It's not easy being green
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2012, 08:31:55 AM »
I also feel that Abby was a bit off too. I think the hostess went a little far wanting the LW to prepare a specific recipe, especially something the LW was completely unfamiliar with. However, I can see a potluck host(ess) asking someone to "bring a pasta dish" or "mac and cheese" without going into the details. Sometimes it's nice to do this so that the dinner doesn't end up being 8 different forms of potatoes or something (which I've had happen at potlucks though it was more funny than anything else...).
As far as the LW pulling her RSVP, I don't feel good about that either. I'm not sure the hostess's faux pas was big enough to warrant this and perhaps a conversation about something similar they'd be more comfortable with would have settled things.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3851
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2012, 08:34:37 AM »
The idea of the hostess sending her a specific recipe is bizzare. And actually, that is not a pot luck. Pot luck specifically implies everyone bringing what they want (maybe within specific categories). In this case, the hostess planned a meal and then engaged her guests to cook it for her. Not cool.

I really gotta wonder what the side dish was that LW had never heard of. Was it the dish & recipe itself that was unfamiliar or was it the ingredients? Main ingredient or a specific spice or condiment? In other words, how big a deal was it for LW to just go ahead and make it, or make something similar?

I would definitely be put off by such an invitation, but once I'd accepted the invitation, I'd do my best to go with the flow. I would either go ahead and make the recipe or find something as similar as possible to make, letting the hostess know what I'd be bringing instead.

And I probably wouldn't accept another invitation from her without clarifying all the terms in advance.

purplemuse

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5851
  • This is going to be super special awesome!
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2012, 08:40:19 AM »
I think if you (as a host) want that much control over the menu, you need to do the cooking yourself. It's kind of a trade-off-- in exchange for not providing all the food yourself, you open yourself up to having dishes that might not be exactly the way you would cook them.

I get not wanting to have every dish be the same thing, but I think the way to do that is to ask someone to bring "a salad" and another to bring "a non-potato side dish,"etc.; not by dictating the recipe.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3851
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2012, 08:43:41 AM »
I also feel that Abby was a bit off too. I think the hostess went a little far wanting the LW to prepare a specific recipe, especially something the LW was completely unfamiliar with. However, I can see a potluck host(ess) asking someone to "bring a pasta dish" or "mac and cheese" without going into the details. Sometimes it's nice to do this so that the dinner doesn't end up being 8 different forms of potatoes or something (which I've had happen at potlucks though it was more funny than anything else...).
As far as the LW pulling her RSVP, I don't feel good about that either. I'm not sure the hostess's faux pas was big enough to warrant this and perhaps a conversation about something similar they'd be more comfortable with would have settled things.

Regarding the bolded above, I have to disagree, mildly anyway. I think it's fine for the hostess to ask for a side dish, dessert, appetizer, etc. In other words, broad categories. I don't like being told specifically what dish to bring as in mac & cheese. Less annoying would be "pasta dish" but still, it would bug me.

Once I offered to bring something when we were invited for dinner at someone's house. It wasn't a pot luck, I was just offering. She gave me a specific assignment of something I didn't really want to make. But hey, I offered so I made it. I never ask anymore when we go to her house for dinner. Now I just bring wine.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5748
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2012, 08:47:23 AM »
Slightly off topic, but some people simply do not cook. I am known to be quite generous, almost to a fault, but I do not bring homemade food to potlucks - ever. I will contribute beverages or money but cooking stresses me out and it is not worth it, plus it is unlikely the masses would enjoy my specialty PB&Js or boxed MacnCheese with peas and salsa!

atirial

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2613
  • just 'plane mad
    • Cat blog
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2012, 09:03:07 AM »
I think Abby was wrong in this case. While direction towards general categories or something the invitee was know to make and like is understandable, assigning specific recipes seems a bit over the top.

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7549
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2012, 09:44:34 AM »
I bet "Dear Abby" is going to get a lot of letter about how wrong she was.

Springing the potluck after the invitation is bad enough, but sending a recipe pushed it off the cliff.

ettiquit

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1662
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2012, 09:59:28 AM »
Slightly off topic, but some people simply do not cook. I am known to be quite generous, almost to a fault, but I do not bring homemade food to potlucks - ever. I will contribute beverages or money but cooking stresses me out and it is not worth it, plus it is unlikely the masses would enjoy my specialty PB&Js or boxed MacnCheese with peas and salsa!

That's a really good point.


The only time I think it's ok to ask someone to bring something specific is if it's a dish they're "known" for, and obviously being fine with them declining.  I think nothing of asking my mom to bring her famous crab dip to a family gathering.  ;D

jibby

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2522
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2012, 10:00:35 AM »
Abby was off.  And if the husband cared, why couldn't *he* make the dish? 

I'm not a huge fan of potlucks, mostly due to my schedule.  General categories seem fine but a specific recipe makes it feel like work, not a social gathering.  It could work among good friends who get together for potlucks regularly, and I would be fine with being asked to make something I'm known for.  If it was something I'd always wanted to attempt, I'd do it, but otherwise, just decline the invitation.

jibby

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2522
Re: Potluck Guest Can't Stomach Being Given an Assignment
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2012, 10:03:30 AM »
Slightly off topic, but some people simply do not cook. I am known to be quite generous, almost to a fault, but I do not bring homemade food to potlucks - ever. I will contribute beverages or money but cooking stresses me out and it is not worth it, plus it is unlikely the masses would enjoy my specialty PB&Js or boxed MacnCheese with peas and salsa!
I actually think mac & cheese with salsa sounds pretty good!  We have a deli in town that makes amazing side dishes.  My SIL always picks something up from there.  The place is popular, so people actually look forward to her non-homemade contribution.