Dear Abby blunders on potluck bait-and-switch

[Petticoats]

I was amazed at today's Dear Abby letter in which she responds to a woman who accepted a dinner invitation, was only afterward told it was potluck, and then was further told that she was assigned to bring a particular dish--for which she was then sent the recipe.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

Abby said that since the LW had accepted the invitation she should have cooked the dish and gone to the dinner. To me it was a blatant invitation bait-and-switch, and the demands made after the invitation was accepted should be grounds for bowing out.

What do y'all think?

[ScubaGirl]

I read the "should" to indicate that it wasn't etiquettely required to go.  I think the LW was fine in later declining because of the change of plans and Abby was just pointing out that she should still have gone and maybe had a pleasant evening.  Sort of like, "so the invitation wasn't perfect, you are really only hurting yourself by not going."

I'm not sure I'm explaining my thought well.

[Harriet Jones]

From http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120607

Having accepted the invitation you should have gone to the dinner, taken the side dish and made the best of it. You may have missed out on a memorable and enjoyable evening.

It sounds to me like Abby meant that you accepted the invitation, suck it up, you have to go, maybe you'd have a good time anyways.  It doesn't matter that the event was a bait-and-switch.

[still in va]

as usual, all sorts of great minds here at E-Hell are thinking alike this morning.   

there's a pretty active thread in Life in General, http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=116544.0

and yes, Abby dropped the ball, unless there was significant information cut from the letter before it was published.  like, this hostess has a history of doing this, so it's something that the LW should have anticipated.

[Petticoats]

Sorry, didn't realize there was already a thread on this! I didn't think to look in the Life in General folder.

[Bibi]

I thought Abby was off base, too.  The invitation was accepted before she was told to bring a particular dish that required preparation.  This is changing the rules after the game has begun.  Not fair.  She was right and correct to decline if she wanted to do so.