Fathers day and my coworker

[Piratelvr1121]

I do too, especially when sometimes a childless/childfree friend of the family or an aunt or neighbor can be a surrogate mother/grandmother/godmother or a mentor in another way.

[kareng57]

Russia, and I presume other countries, have a "Women's Day", whether or not they are mothers.  I actually like that idea more than one based on parenthood.

That would make more sense to me, as well.

[Jones]

Last year for Mother's Day, my church gave out booklets to all the grown ladies titled "Are we not all mothers?" IIRC, it makes the point that through volunteer work, community responsibilities, friendships and family ties, all women can make a difference in a child's life. It leaned very religiously (God endowed women as His secret weapon in this world), but I thought it was sweet of them.

They didn't give out anything for Father's Day.

[still in va]

i guess i really don't get the issue here.  CW can think whatever she likes.  she can't force the OP to buy gifts for every male that she knows, including her DS who, to the best of the OP's knowledge, is not a father.

let the CW do what she likes.  the OP should do what she likes. 

so much angst for so little reason. 

[thedudeabides]

I don't get the problem.  Coworker can think and do whatever she wants for the men in her life.  The OP doesn't have to follow suit.   

[Sharnita]

Perhaps if there was a bit more clarification.  While coworker can think whatever she wants it might get old if she is pontificating on the subject at length. If she is berating OP for not sharing her views then she is definitely rude. It might even be one of those situations where it would help to be there and hear her tone to really get it. I say this as somebody who did get a Mother's Day card form my 3 y.o. niece and found it incredibly touching.

[Iris]

Russia, and I presume other countries, have a "Women's Day", whether or not they are mothers.  I actually like that idea more than one based on parenthood.

That would make more sense to me, as well.

See to me, these are separate issues, and this is part of why I have a problem with generic gifting on mother's and father's days. For me, mother's day is an opportunity to thank my own mother for all the positive input she has in my life - positive input that is different to any other's. I would also consider an acknowledgement of any woman who has provided the same type of positive input, especially in your childhood years, appropriate. So an aunt, grandmother, kindly neighbour etc would all be appropriate people to honour on mother's day. I don't give presents to other people's mothers because they're not MY mother. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone other than my own children to acknowledge me on mother's day.

All women (and men) do deserve honouring, but to me that is an entirely separate thing perhaps best reserved for International Women's day (is there an International Men's day? There should be). To me, saying 'mother's day is about all women' is like saying 'all workers should get a present on secretaries day because they all work hard'. Yes, all men and women deserve honouring, but that doesn't mean they get to horn in on mother's day.

[AuntyEm]

I was surprised at how many strangers wished me happy mother's day this year.  I know they were just trying to be nice and I thanked them but I felt like I was taking credit for something I didn't do. 

The only person I would wish happy mother's day would be my own mother...same with father's day.  I don't even do it for my in-laws...I leave that to my husband (but I do help him buy the presents and remind him of the day.)

[blarg314]

I think it comes down to whether Mothers and Fathers days are private or public holidays.

If they are a private holiday, you celebrate with your parents/in-laws and children, a personal celebration of your choice.   There is no confusion or ambiguity over whether someone is eligible to celebrate or not, or who you should be sending presents to, or giving good wishes to.

If they are public holidays, though, then you have the problem of seeing a woman on Mother's day and not knowing if she has children (and therefore should be wished a Happy Mother's day) or should be left in peace. So you can then decide that you will wish Happy Mother's day to any apparent female over the age of puberty, so you can't leave anyone out.

Personally, I find it rather silly when you end up congratulating a random stranger and giving them best wishes on a particular day because they may have at some point in their life, or may in the future, bear or adopt a child, based entirely on the fact that they are female (or male).  Plus, for people who have made a conscious decision not to have children it can be kind of insulting, and for people who want children but can't have them it can be pretty painful.

[KenveeB]

Russia, and I presume other countries, have a "Women's Day", whether or not they are mothers.  I actually like that idea more than one based on parenthood.

I like that so much better. I find celebrating Mother's Day with my extended family very uncomfortable, being that I'm the only adult woman who does not have children. And I'm leaning towards childfree -- though I haven't shared that with anyone in the family. If I were desperately wanting children and realizing it might not happen, then it would be even worse. Still, it was kind of a slap when greeting the family this past Mother's Day and one of them said, "Happy Mother's Day! <pause> Oh, wait, you're not a mother."

Mother's Day is about mothers. Father's Day is about fathers. If we want to generically celebrate all women/men who had an impact in our lives, then Women's Day, Men's Day, or Celebrate Those Who've Had an Impact in Your Life Day would make much more sense.

[veryfluffy]

Plus, for people who have made a conscious decision not to have children it can be kind of insulting, and for people who want children but can't have them it can be pretty painful.

Actually, I think you can add in a lot of other situations where wishing a random stranger happy parent-of-whatever-gender's day might not be welcomed:
Someone who :
- has lost a child (especially an only child)
- has suffered a miscarriage - especially in the past year
- has given up a child for adoption
- has recently lost a parent
- has a child with a serious illness
- is estranged from their child/ren
- is estranged from their parent/s
- has had their children taken into care
- is fighting a custody battle
etc.

[Itza]

If she wants to gift every single male she knows, whether they are fathers or not,  is up to her. I hope she can afford it!

(Psst: I do think it's a bit silly and OTT. Gifting HER father is good, gifting HER husband/S.O. on behalf of her young child(ren) is also enough. After that, nice thought but unnecessary especially if you can't afford it).

[Redsoil]

I tend to think it's peculiar that a day specifically to honour fathers is now being extended (apparently) to any person with *cough*, ummm, er,  "certain attributes".  Likewise, that Mothers' Day has somehow become "if you're a female, then Woohoo for You!" Day.

In Australia, it is far more traditional in that both days are meant to honour those who are parents.  Just as Valentine's Day here is for lovers, not everyone who breathes.

Personally, I prefer it that way.  I also dislike the mentality that "everyone wins a medal/no-one loses" and we're all just so terribly "inclusive" about everything, lest someone have their ego damaged.

And you kids get off my dingdangity lawn!!!  *snerk* 

[Itza]

In Australia, it is far more traditional in that both days are meant to honour those who are parents.  Just as Valentine's Day here is for lovers, not everyone who breathes.

Personally, I prefer it that way.  I also dislike the mentality that "everyone wins a medal/no-one loses" and we're all just so terribly "inclusive" about everything, lest someone have their ego damaged.

And you kids get off my dingdangity lawn!!!  *snerk* 

This has started to creep here into the UK. I'm with you Redsoil. Poor Cupid's already got his work cut out!

[Hmmmmm]

I tend to think it's peculiar that a day specifically to honour fathers is now being extended (apparently) to any person with *cough*, ummm, er,  "certain attributes".  Likewise, that Mothers' Day has somehow become "if you're a female, then Woohoo for You!" Day.

In Australia, it is far more traditional in that both days are meant to honour those who are parents.  Just as Valentine's Day here is for lovers, not everyone who breathes.

Personally, I prefer it that way.  I also dislike the mentality that "everyone wins a medal/no-one loses" and we're all just so terribly "inclusive" about everything, lest someone have their ego damaged.

And you kids get off my dingdangity lawn!!!  *snerk* 

POD to this.  Not every holiday needs to be inclusive of everyone.   While  I'm sorry if someone is wished a happy mothers day and it makes them uncomfortable for what ever reason, I think most people are able to shrug it off.  If I receive a happy hanakuh I'd say thank you.  Happy GP day would probably send me to a mirror to search for gray hairs, but I'm going to assume it was said with the best intentions.