Fathers day and my coworker

[Sharnita]

As far as Valentine's Day and being "traditional" the argument could  just as easily be made that it isn't a holiday for lovers but for observant members of a specific religion celebrating the feast day of a saint.  Even the "lovers" aspect was very specific to the sacrament of Christian marriage.  I would imagine that would exclude a whole lot of lovers observing Valentine's Day in all countries during this decade.

[The Wild One, Forever]

I find mothers day and fathers day to be fairly offensive holidays to be honest. I do not need a day set aside to honor my parents for being the great parents that they are. However, if someone wanted to use it to honor all the positive male role models who play a role in their lives and in the lives of their children, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I feel similar.  Also, these days really shine a spotlight on the pain of people who have lost children or have never been able to have them, are estranged, etc.  Our church always has all the mothers/fathers stand for applause on their respective days, and every time, I see wistful-looking people remaining seated.  One of my best HS friends and her boyfriend, (now husband),were pressured by their parents into surrendering their newborn son for adoption when they were in their late teens, and they never got over that pain.  Mothers Day/Fathers Day were pure agony for them, and the pain remained even when they married and had two more beautiful children.  (They are now in reunion with their grown son, he longed for them all his life and considers them his real parents, so there is that, but it doesn't make up for a lot of empty years for them.)  I am sure there are millions of stories like this, involving child loss in one form or another, or people who desperately want kids but can't have them.  That's why these "special days" make me rather uncomfortable. 

I do honor my own parents on their "days", as it has become culturally expected, and I love them.  My "absent-minded professor" teenaged son might or might not remember to tell me "Happy Mothers Day", but if not, my feelings are not hurt, as I am secure in the knowledge that he loves me & we have a great relationship.

[Piratelvr1121]

While I can understand not wanting to honor every man/woman on Mother and Father's day simply for having the reproductive organs whether they were used or not, I do like the idea of being able to perhaps honor someone who might have had a big influence on your life whether they were your mom or dad or not.

I'm estranged from my parents, but I do like doing things for my MIL cause I get along great with her and I guess technically being a Mother in law, that does count. 

But then there's my best friend who in the last 4 years we've been friends, has often mothered me in many ways, but since she's not my mother and doesn't even have kids of her own, to say "Happy Mother's Day" to her would be kinda weird for both of us.  Every year when Mother's day comes around, I really want to get her something but since I don't think she'd be comfortable with that, I don't.   

[Allyson]

What I'm used to is, Mother's and Father's Day are for people who are important in your lives. I really haven't seen it used as a generic greeting, or even towards mothers who aren't your mother/wife/grandmother. I don't generally see brothers wish sisters 'happy mothers day', for instance. But with that said, because it's personal, it wouldn't have to be a biological mother--a brother *might* wish a sister Happy Mother's Day if that sister is 15 years older than him and mostly raised him. Or someone might give a teacher a Happy Father's Day present if that teacher had a really strong influence.

It honestly would not occur to me to give someone a Mother or Father's Day present, or even really acknowledge the day, to anyone who didn't have a parental role in my life or my hypothetical child's life.

[apple]

I guess I will chalk this up to a lesson.  Fathers day is for the Male gender and Mothers day is for the female gender?

Got it!  I hope I don't offend my childless friends.

I think you can go on celebrating Father's Day as you always have, and she can celebrate Manhood Day, if that's her preference.

She does seem odd in her approach, but it wouldn't bother me personally. I'd just ignore her recommendations for how you should celebrate.

[Piratelvr1121]

My brother did wish me happy mother's day on my fbook page on the day. I didn't raise him or anything though being 8 years older I did babysit him a lot and looked after him a good bit, but I don't really think that counts.

[MOM21SON]

I think that she is being insenitive to have a gift or a word with EVERY male.  The men that have no children?  Really?

She said even my DS should get a gift!  No way in hell am I buying my teenage son a fathers day gift!

So don't buy a gift for your son. 

But if she's gifting or "having a word with" men she knows, in honor of Father's Day, I really don't see how that is any of your business.  If one of those men is offended, they can take it up with her.  You seem really upset about something that doesn't concern you.

She made it my business when she asked me what I was getting my son for Fathers Day.  When I was very confused about her question, I said, "You know he is 13, right?"  She said she did and that all males should get a gift on Fathers day.

[MOM21SON]

I know Germany has a "Men's Day" which is not just for fathers, and it's possible that other countries/cultures might have something similar.  Is she from a different culture?

No, she is not.

[snowdragon]

 If you are in Buffalo, I know your co-worker.  I had someone at the Y start chit chatting with me about father's day, last week. When I told her I was not doing anything for my father because he's dead  and has been for 10 year, she told me how horrid of a daughter I was and that I should be ashamed of myself. Really, my dad would not want me to be wasting the money on him anymore. There was time enough for that when he was alive.  The entire time I was on the treadmill, she was yapping at me to get something to "honor my father with"

[The703]

OP - Do you think she was "yanking your chain"? I agree with the PP that say if she wants to do it let her. You don't have to and end of story. 

[Jocelyn]

  To me, saying 'mother's day is about all women' is like saying 'all workers should get a present on secretaries day because they all work hard'.

Which brings up a pet peeve with me- why should one class of employees get an annual treat from the employer, whereas other job titles get nothing? I once heard it explained that 'well, secretaries are paid the least' which is REALLY an awful sentiment...we'll pay them dirt all year long, and make up for it with a $100 gift on one day!

[TootsNYC]

I guess I will chalk this up to a lesson.  Fathers day is for the Male gender and Mothers day is for the female gender?

Got it!  I hope I don't offend my childless friends.

I don't think ANY of us said this is true, or even that we necessarily agree with her. We just don't understand why you're so upset about it, and we think you should just internally roll your eyes at her.

Just because SHE SAYS something, doesn't mean you have to do it (buy your son a Father's Day gift), or that it's true.

If what you'd like is some advice on how to let her roll off your back, we might be able to help.

My personal tactic for those situations is to be Teflon. And to remember that I can TELL her anything I like. I can say, "Oh, yes, it might be a good idea to get a gift for my son on Father's Day," and I can DO absolutely nothing like that. I can lie to her all I want!

Or I can say, "Oh, hmm, I'll have to think about that."

[Sharnita]

Another option would be to tell her that you want him to have the thrill of enjoying his first Father's Day gift(s) when he can hold his baby in his child in his arms.

[Iris]

Another option would be to tell her that you want him to have the thrill of enjoying his first Father's Day gift(s) when he can hold his baby in his child in his arms.

Oooo I like this one.

[still in va]

Another option would be to tell her that you want him to have the thrill of enjoying his first Father's Day gift(s) when he can hold his baby in his child in his arms.

absolutely this.  my son will be having his first Father's Day this weekend.  my grandson will be 17 days old.  how sad if i had diluted that moment by getting him gifts from the year he could have biologically fathered a child.  CW has some pretty strange ideas.