Fathers day and my coworker

[MOM21SON]

I do not mean to insensative to anyone, but I think she is.

She thinks that every male friend, relative, child, every male!  Needs a gift for fathers Day!  She said it s a mans holiday and they should all have something!

I think it is rude on so many levels.  I was the childless one for many years! 

So am I wrong?

[ccnumber4]

I'm really not sure what you are asking.

Is your coworker trying to get you to pay for gifts for a bunch of people who are not your father?

Or is she just planning to do this on her own.  If so, why do you care?

I am always baffled by people who take personal affront to the way other people celebrate holidays, when it doesn't involve them.

A friend of mine is very offended that my nephew makes it a point to call me every mother's day, since, you know, I'm not a mother. 

Apparently, it's insulting to her, or something. 

[SiotehCat]

I also don't understand.

Is she wanting to gift men who are not fathers, or men that are fathers,but not just her father?

I send something to my brother and my father on Fathers Day.

[MOM21SON]

I think that she is being insenitive to have a gift or a word with EVERY male.  The men that have no children?  Really?

She said even my DS should get a gift!  No way in hell am I buying my teenage son a fathers day gift!

[whatsanenigma]

Well, giving a gift to your son might be a little over the top, but overall, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  Maybe she is seeing it more as a day to celebrate men in general and the role they play in society, as good role models, etc.  And every or almost every man, even teenagers, I would think , plays this role, or should be encouraged to play it, with their own children or nieces and nephews or siblings or children of friends or whatever, playing a father-like role.

The church I go to always emphasises this point, for both mother's day and father's day.  All grown women get a little token the kids have made on mother's day and all the grown men get a little token on father's day, and the sermon is always about appriciating the female or male role models in our lives, respectively.

Now, if she didn't do the same thing for mother's day, for the women, then I might find that a little odd, but these ideas have to start somewhere and maybe she is intending to follow up with the same thing next year on mother's day for all the women.

[ccnumber4]

I think that she is being insenitive to have a gift or a word with EVERY male.  The men that have no children?  Really?

She said even my DS should get a gift!  No way in hell am I buying my teenage son a fathers day gift!

So don't buy a gift for your son. 

But if she's gifting or "having a word with" men she knows, in honor of Father's Day, I really don't see how that is any of your business.  If one of those men is offended, they can take it up with her.  You seem really upset about something that doesn't concern you. 

 

[MOM21SON]

I guess I will chalk this up to a lesson.  Fathers day is for the Male gender and Mothers day is for the female gender?

Got it!  I hope I don't offend my childless friends.

[whatsanenigma]

I guess I will chalk this up to a lesson.  Fathers day is for the Male gender and Mothers day is for the female gender?

Got it!  I hope I don't offend my childless friends.

Well, it doesn't have to be, if you don't want it to be to you personally.  But I think that more and more people are coming to feel that way, and that the approach is not entirely without logic or merit.

[immadz]

I find mothers day and fathers day to be fairly offensive holidays to be honest. I do not need a day set aside to honor my parents for being the great parents that they are. However, if someone wanted to use it to honor all the positive male role models who play a role in their lives and in the lives of their children, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

I suspect that part of what concerns Mom21Son is that Coworker is ultimately using the occasion to focus attention on herself and is telling other people how they should celebrate, which is none of her business.  If Coworker were to quietly go around and speak to every male and give them gifts, it would be weird, but probably not a big deal.

Is Coworker’s behavior insensitive?  It could be.  There may be men there who are struggling with infertility issues or who are going through the breakup of a relationship they hoped would lead to fatherhood.   

My vote is for weird and tacky.

[kareng57]

I'd call it odd, rather than weird.

I find the trend towards including all adults in Mother's Day and Father's Day to be a bit strange, to be honest.  But I can kind of understand an institution such as a church possibly doing this - they don't want to make wrong assumptions as to who is or is not a parent.

[whatsanenigma]

I suspect that part of what concerns Mom21Son is that Coworker is ultimately using the occasion to focus attention on herself and is telling other people how they should celebrate, which is none of her business.  If Coworker were to quietly go around and speak to every male and give them gifts, it would be weird, but probably not a big deal.

This is a good point also.  If she's just suggesting the idea to people, knowing that they might not have thought about it in this way before and might be interested, and then dropping it if they are not, that's one thing, but if she's actively pressuring people, trying to make them feel bad if they don't do as she does, then that is of course rude no matter what the topic.

The other thing is that if you try to include everyone who is a member of a class with some kind of individual acknowledgement, it is almost inevitable you will leave someone out.  A more general acknowledgement would be sure to include everyone it pertained to.

I still don't disagree with the overall concept but I do agree, there would be ways and ways of trying to put it into practice, and some of those ways would be rude or tacky.

[Piratelvr1121]

Well, giving a gift to your son might be a little over the top, but overall, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  Maybe she is seeing it more as a day to celebrate men in general and the role they play in society, as good role models, etc.  And every or almost every man, even teenagers, I would think , plays this role, or should be encouraged to play it, with their own children or nieces and nephews or siblings or children of friends or whatever, playing a father-like role.

The church I go to always emphasises this point, for both mother's day and father's day.  All grown women get a little token the kids have made on mother's day and all the grown men get a little token on father's day, and the sermon is always about appriciating the female or male role models in our lives, respectively.

Now, if she didn't do the same thing for mother's day, for the women, then I might find that a little odd, but these ideas have to start somewhere and maybe she is intending to follow up with the same thing next year on mother's day for all the women.

Wonder if it's the church my bf goes to. She's childfree, and told me that on Mother's Day when they went to church, the priest's homily was about not just appreciating mothers, but having respect for all females in our lives.  I don't know what they do for Father's Day, as she just joined it this year, but I wouldn't be surprised if the sentiment is the same.   She really actually appreciated that the priest said that about honoring and respecting women in general and not just the mothers. 

[pearls n purls]

I know Germany has a "Men's Day" which is not just for fathers, and it's possible that other countries/cultures might have something similar.  Is she from a different culture?

[guihong]

Russia, and I presume other countries, have a "Women's Day", whether or not they are mothers.  I actually like that idea more than one based on parenthood.