General Etiquette > Family and Children
Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
JustRhon:
My youngest son's best friend (L, nearly 13) has juvinelle diabetes. L was diagnosed a couple years ago and for the longest time he did great with watching his diet and taking his shots on time. Lately he has became very careless about it all.
L's diet consists of chocolate Cheerios's for breakfast, a pizza Lunchable and fries for lunch and 2 slices of cheese pizza with chips for dinner with chicken tenders as an alternate every now and then. He eats granola bars for snacks with dill pickles and string cheese as free foods. Not an ideal diet or anything I'd want my kids eating day after day but he has always been a picky eater so I assume his mom just worked with what she could to meet his needs. He spends a couple weekends a month here plus several evenings a week so I keep his stuff stocked and leave it at that.
As I said, lately he has gotten very careless about things and that includes getting into sweets and other snack food after I am in bed and pigging out. If his visits here are planned I try to make sure I don't have a bunch of stuff stocked that he shouldn't have but his visits have became very spur of the moment and more frequent in recent weeks (his parents are separated and the grandfather that had been keeping him while his mom works has began dating).
His mother and I have been the best of friends for years but his behavior is causing a lot of problems between us. When he goes home after pigging out and his blood sugar is sky high she blames me even though these episodes occur after I am in bed. He has also became nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning (as in it can take hours to get him up to eat and take his morning meds), something that his mother complains about often but I still get blamed for his numbers being out of whack.
This has all became so stressful that I am ready to start refusing to keep him. I know that doing so would put his mom in a very bad place and probably destroy our friendship but it has became so much trouble plus I am terrified that he is going to end up having on a serious diabetic episode "on my watch" and I'll be in bed asleep without a clue until it's too late. I just don't know what else to do. I shouldn't have to lock all the food away from a child that is only months from 13 and that wouldn't be very practical anyway.
Does anyone have any advice or experience with this sort of situation? I would greatly appreciate any help.
*I'm new so I hope this is in the right place.
**I'm on my phone so please ignore any mistakes.
katycoo:
I think you need to have a heart to heart with your friend.
You need to tell her how much you are happy to watch her son but that you can't control what he does when you're in bed, and you can't control what's in the house when the visits are last minute.
She needs to step up and take some responsibility in this too.
Also - the kid is 12. What is being said/done to him??? Why is HE not being made responsible? I think he needs a scaremongering visit to the doctor - failing to keep to his diet can have severe repercussions for his health.
JustRhon:
--- Quote from: katycoo on June 11, 2012, 01:09:57 AM ---I think you need to have a heart to heart with your friend.
You need to tell her how much you are happy to watch her son but that you can't control what he does when you're in bed, and you can't control what's in the house when the visits are last minute.
She needs to step up and take some responsibility in this too.
Also - the kid is 12. What is being said/done to him??? Why is HE not being made responsible? I think he needs a scaremongering visit to the doctor - failing to keep to his diet can have severe repercussions for his health.
--- End quote ---
I've tried to talk to her a few times but every time I bring it up she makes jokes and blows me off. To be honest, she has never been willing to discipline him or listen to any suggestion that maybe his behavior isn't appropriate.
I really do enjoy keeping L. My son is very happy to have his best friend around so often since his big brother is wrapped up in baseball and his girlfriend but I can't keep taking responsibility for a child that is so nonchalant about putting his life on the line and I can't possibly stay awake and keep my eyes on him all night, nor should I have to.
I've threatened L with not allowing him to come back if I can't trust him to behave once I am in bed or count on him to get up on time without a major struggle and he straightens up for a day or two then it is back to the bad behavior. I have found a diabetes support group for teens in our area that I would really like to get him involved with (I'd take responsibility for getting him there and back) but I don't know if it would help or how to bring the idea up with his mom.
SoCalVal:
--- Quote from: katycoo on June 11, 2012, 01:09:57 AM ---I think you need to have a heart to heart with your friend.
You need to tell her how much you are happy to watch her son but that you can't control what he does when you're in bed, and you can't control what's in the house when the visits are last minute.
She needs to step up and take some responsibility in this too.
--- End quote ---
Pod. It might be best that you refrain from having her son over until he gets his eating habits under control. Someone I know lost his teen recently when the kid had a diabetic episode while at a friend's house. While I understand the grief of the parents, their grief has caused them to lash out at the parent whose house it is and blame that parent for their teen having a diabetic episode that resulting in the kid's death (neither the teen nor the parents told the friend's parent that the kid is diabetic so that parent did not know how to handle it when the teen started having a seizure).
JustRhon:
--- Quote from: SoCalVal on June 11, 2012, 01:40:12 AM ---
--- Quote from: katycoo on June 11, 2012, 01:09:57 AM ---I think you need to have a heart to heart with your friend.
You need to tell her how much you are happy to watch her son but that you can't control what he does when you're in bed, and you can't control what's in the house when the visits are last minute.
She needs to step up and take some responsibility in this too.
--- End quote ---
Pod. It might be best that you refrain from having her son over until he gets his eating habits under control. Someone I know lost his teen recently when the kid had a diabetic episode while at a friend's house. While I understand the grief of the parents, their grief has caused them to lash out at the parent whose house it is and blame that parent for their teen having a diabetic episode that resulting in the kid's death (neither the teen nor the parents told the friend's parent that the kid is diabetic so that parent did not know how to handle it when the teen started having a seizure).
--- End quote ---
This is my greatest fear (sorry can't bold on my phone but I'm sure you know what I mean). I make a point of keeping L's chosen food on hand and try to watch what I have stocked when I know he is coming but with him staying so often now and generally without any real notice I keep getting caught off guard. I try my best to keep an eye on him and I make sure that he eats on time and takes his shots as directed when I'm up but there is nothing I can do in the middle of the night when I'm sound asleep. L and my son have even been fighting lately because my son will wake me up and "tattle" if he sees L eating stuff he shouldn't.
I know if something happened to him his mom would never forgive me or stop blaming me even if it did happen when I was in bed and had no control. I'd never be able to live with it either which is why I'm ready to stop keeping him altogether.
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