News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 26, 2017, 11:53:02 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36  (Read 136494 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

rashea

  • Member
  • Posts: 9666
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #60 on: June 11, 2012, 05:09:24 PM »
My research says that string cheese is a good choice: http://www.livestrong.com/article/253845-diabetic-snack-foods-list/
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

Vermont

BarensMom

  • Member
  • Posts: 2343
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #61 on: June 11, 2012, 05:14:02 PM »
With everything I've read about your situation, the only thing I think you should be saying to L's mother is:  "I'm sorry, it is no longer possible for me to watch him."  I could just see L sneaking into your fridge, gorging himself into a diabetic coma, and his mother going ballistic on you.  This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

ydpubs

  • Has a fine singing voice.
  • Member
  • Posts: 3542
  • Reading the threads here makes me hungry.
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #62 on: June 11, 2012, 05:24:41 PM »
After reading the OP's additional info, the first thing that popped in to my head is this.  The mother knows he's gobbling every bad thing to eat like a hog.

The mom is dumping the kid on the OP so there is the appearance of supervision for him, but really there isn't because he's just running amok in th OP's house eating all this junk food that is one day going to make him really, seriously ill. I mean, this is the rationale for not leaving him home alone, right? Because his eating is out of control. The excuse for having the OP babysit is to make sure the kid has some supervision.

If the kid goes in to a diabetic coma the kid's mom doesn't want the rap of being the irresponsible, terrible parent, leaving the kid home alone. If the kid got sick at home while she was at work, all the fingers would be pointed at the mom. Instead because the OP is babysitting, the mom can then say: ZOMG!!!! You let him eat that?!?!?!??!? It's all YOUR fault!!!

And there it is. She doesn't have to be the parent AKA the bad guy because she's hasn't been enforcing the kid's diet AND she gets to blame the OP for not properly caring for the kid when something eventually does go wrong with his health.
No matter where you go, there you are...

HorseFreak

  • Member
  • Posts: 2619
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #63 on: June 11, 2012, 05:37:13 PM »
With everything I've read about your situation, the only thing I think you should be saying to L's mother is:  "I'm sorry, it is no longer possible for me to watch him."  I could just see L sneaking into your fridge, gorging himself into a diabetic coma, and his mother going ballistic on you.  This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

I agree. No good deed goes unpunished and this kid will get seriously ill sooner or later playing chicken with his illness like this. I wouldn't want to be the face in the newspaper being accused of not properly caring for this "innocent" child if he should become seriously ill or die.
« Last Edit: June 11, 2012, 06:15:12 PM by HorseFreak »

LadyL

  • Member
  • Posts: 3420
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #64 on: June 11, 2012, 05:56:40 PM »
OP, I'm sorry you are just realizing what a mess of dysfunction you've been caught up in. Keep in mind that your friend probably wasn't sitting there evilly plotting to make you the bad guy - when people are overwhelmed they sometimes slide into their worst habits, and it sounds like that's what happened here. But the way she is treating you  - more like a paid medical caregiver service than a friend doing a favor - is inexcusable and needs to stop. It's also a red flag for me that your parenting styles are incompatible, and she doesn't take responsibility for the consequences of her choices.

A good friend is grateful for favors, and she should be buying you dinner or otherwise showing her gratitude for your help regularly, not heaping on guilt for her son's behavior.

And FWIW string cheese is what most people would consider a low carb food at about 1g carb per serving, but at 10 servings that it a lot of calories for a "free" food. Some dairy, like milk, other cheeses, and yogurt can have a lot more carbs. As a carb watcher I am amazed that this kid can function at all eating what he eats for meals.


JustRhon

  • Member
  • Posts: 165
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #65 on: June 11, 2012, 06:21:36 PM »
OP, I'm sorry you are just realizing what a mess of dysfunction you've been caught up in. Keep in mind that your friend probably wasn't sitting there evilly plotting to make you the bad guy - when people are overwhelmed they sometimes slide into their worst habits, and it sounds like that's what happened here. But the way she is treating you  - more like a paid medical caregiver service than a friend doing a favor - is inexcusable and needs to stop. It's also a red flag for me that your parenting styles are incompatible, and she doesn't take responsibility for the consequences of her choices.

A good friend is grateful for favors, and she should be buying you dinner or otherwise showing her gratitude for your help regularly, not heaping on guilt for her son's behavior.

And FWIW string cheese is what most people would consider a low carb food at about 1g carb per serving, but at 10 servings that it a lot of calories for a "free" food. Some dairy, like milk, other cheeses, and yogurt can have a lot more carbs. As a carb watcher I am amazed that this kid can function at all eating what he eats for meals.

Thank you and Rashea for the info on string cheese. I do feel a little better now. I'll admit that I'm not as aware as I should be of the nutritional facts. That is why I have always fed him exactly what his mom said, right down to the same brand and number of fries/nuggets. I make sure he eats exactly on time, does his checks right when he is supposed to and never forgets his insulin.

I think that maybe I just bit off more than I can chew by expecting a young child to cooperate and not step out of line. I've got to reword my email some with that in mind and then I'll post it for advice.

Minmom3

  • Member
  • Posts: 2712
  • Life moves onward and upward
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #66 on: June 11, 2012, 06:52:28 PM »
OP - Keep in mind that R isn't treating you like a friend, even though you say you've been friends with her for 8+ years.  You're doing her this gigantic favor - and she's taking full advantage of it, and of you.  I can't remember if it was you or somebody else who said that you shouldn't watch him anymore, unless or until he gets his BG back under control.  I think that is a very good idea, and it would protect you against the train wreck that IS coming in that boys life if things are not brought under control. 

You aren't L's mom, R is.  It's HER job to train her boy to handle his diet and his condition, not your job.  As somebody else said here, you have the responsibility to keep him safe while you watch him - but not the authority or power to change things, and that's an impossible situation to be in.  If something happens to that boy on your watch, you will never forgive yourself.

That being the case, I cast my vote for you putting a halt to caring for him, and let his mother step up and find somebody else to give nightmares to.  Write out that email in a word processing document.  Put it ALL there, don't leave anything out.  Then save it and close it and let it percolate in your brain for a few hours, or overnight.  Go back and edit it.  A lot.  Take out the emotion and the ranting.  Leave all the safety points that need to be made for that boys future well being.  Save and close.  Take a walk or do something mindless.  Go back and read it again.  Have other people look at it if you have other people you trust to be calm.  Once you have all the necessary points listed, and all the emotion deleted, send it to her.  It will probably change your friendship with her for the worse, but that's already happening because she refuses to take responsibility and be the parent.  She doesn't get to wreck your life by refusing to handle her issues and problems. 
Double MIL now; not yet a Grandma.  Owner of Lard Butt Noelle, kitteh extraordinaire!

baglady

  • Member
  • Posts: 5061
  • A big lass and a bonny lass and she loves her beer
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #67 on: June 11, 2012, 07:05:48 PM »
Don't freak out about the cheese! There really are worse things to worry about here, like the chocolate Cheerios and fries.

I'm not diabetic, but I am on Atkins, and string cheese is my go-to snack. As LadyL said, it's less than a gram of carbohydrate per serving and should not have much of an effect on blood sugar. However, as she also points out, it is a lot of calories, and in combination with all the high-carb stuff he eats, could contribute to obesity ... which could aggravate the diabetes.

I'd go with the nuclear option: No more having L stay over. Period dot dot. I understand that he wants to be like other kids, that at his age he thinks all those horrible consequences can't happen to him, etc., etc. I feel for him. But *none of that is your problem.* Refusing to keep him will force Mom to step up to the plate and make other arrangements. Something could still go wrong, but at least it won't be on your watch.

Yes, it may cost you your friendship with L's mom, but I'd rather risk losing a friend than risk having that friend's child die in my care.

Good luck and stay strong!

ETA: BTW, let's not throw Grandpa under the bus without knowing the facts. "He's started dating" could mean "He met a nice widow and they've started keeping company," not necessarily "He's out chasing women."
« Last Edit: June 11, 2012, 07:26:22 PM by baglady »
My photography is on Redbubble! Come see: http://www.redbubble.com/people/baglady

YummyMummy66

  • Member
  • Posts: 1170
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #68 on: June 11, 2012, 07:21:28 PM »
As much as you want to be there to help your friend, I think you need to think about the ramifications against you if something should happen to this child while under your supervision.  What would happen if he would go into a diabetic coma?  or something else while under your care because he was eating things he should not have been.  You already state that she is blaming you.

I think you need to have a frank talk with the mother and let her know you cannot watch her son as much as you are, or you need to stop altogether.  Quite frankly, while you know that at 13, he is mature enough to understand his limitations and abide by them for his health and you realize that at 13, sometimes, it is hard to work within those limitations  and stick to them.  But, you simply cannot supervise this child 24/7 and although, you have been doing the best that you can and doing everything she has requested while you are awake, you simply cannot control what her son does when you are asleep.  Since he is not following the guidelines he is supposed to follow, you can no longer watch her child due to the possible legal ramifications. 




still in va

  • used to be gjcva1
  • Member
  • Posts: 3277
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #69 on: June 11, 2012, 07:33:39 PM »
JustRhon, she's expecting you to adhere to standards that she does not attain herself.  she's angry with you for her child eating as much as possible while you're sleeping, yet he does the same thing at home while SHE sleeps.  double standards much?

if you are willing to watch him during her evening shifts, she must pick him up and take him home after she gets off work so he can sleep at home.  he'll still be able to hang with your son until your son's bedtime, grandpa can date all he wants, and his mother will be the one who is responsible if he eats himself into a diabetic episode.  when she protests that her picking him up will mean he goes without sleep, point out that he is going without sleep when he stays at your house.  he's waiting until you go to sleep, then eating everything he can get his hands on.  it will then be her problem to get him up in the morning.

frankly, i think she's expecting way too much of you.  i would stop watching the child on short notice now.  from now on, it will only be planned sleep-overs, where you can limit the amount of foods in the house that he can't have.  and i would only do that for the sake of my son, so he could still see his friend.

YummyMummy66

  • Member
  • Posts: 1170
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #70 on: June 11, 2012, 07:35:37 PM »
After having read more of the posts and how close this boy has been to you for so long, have you thought about finding out more info. on what this kid should be and should not be eating?  Can you call your family doctor and find out where you can find the best info. available?

My dad had type two diabetes and he took a few classes along with my mother on foods he can and cannot eat.

Also, you say he won't eat any fruit or vegetables.  All he eats is the frozen stuff.  Well, of course, if that is all that is available to him, that is what he will eat.  If he wants xyz, say sorry, not until you have abc.  Or these are your options.  Choose one.

Just because his mother does not want to parent, with his serious conditon, I would be parenting at my house regarding his illness.  This boy needs someone to step up for him.

You still might want to check in with your homeowner's insurance to see what your liability might be if somethng happened to this child while under your supervision. 

Also, if something should happen, do you know what to do?  If not, again, here is something that you need to discuss either with your doctor or with the child's doctor.  You are treating this child as your son.  So, do what you would do as if he actually was one of your children.  Think about what you would do if this was your "Johnny".

ydpubs

  • Has a fine singing voice.
  • Member
  • Posts: 3542
  • Reading the threads here makes me hungry.
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #71 on: June 11, 2012, 07:53:40 PM »
I wouldn't ask my own doctor about how to handle someone else's condition. No doctor would give advice in this scenario. I am sure s/he would say, that is up to the kid's doctor to determine. It's not worth the liability for the OP's doctor to give medical advice on a third party. That is way too much to take on and not at all the OP's responsibility. The only person with the correct and specific information for medical treatment of this kid is the kid's doctor. The OP is not the person to step up and care for this kid. His mother is.
No matter where you go, there you are...

still in va

  • used to be gjcva1
  • Member
  • Posts: 3277
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #72 on: June 11, 2012, 07:56:59 PM »
Also, if something should happen, do you know what to do?  If not, again, here is something that you need to discuss either with your doctor or with the child's doctor.  You are treating this child as your son.  So, do what you would do as if he actually was one of your children.  Think about what you would do if this was your "Johnny".

it would be good to know what to do in case of emergency.  however, JR's doctor won't discuss this with her as they won't have examined the boy or reviewed his medical records.  the child's doctor won't discuss it with JR because she is not the child's mother and they legally cannot do so.  frankly, this doesn't seem to be a good idea to me simply because the child's mother already expects JR to adhere to standards that she doesn't in the child's own home.  taking the step of getting more medical information places even more responsibility on JR's shoulders. 

Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #73 on: June 11, 2012, 08:00:12 PM »
I wouldn't ask my own doctor about how to handle someone else's condition. No doctor would give advice in this scenario. I am sure s/he would say, that is up to the kid's doctor to determine. It's not worth the liability for the OP's doctor to give medical advice on a third party. That is way too much to take on and not at all the OP's responsibility. The only person with the correct and specific information for medical treatment of this kid is the kid's doctor. The OP is not the person to step up and care for this kid. His mother is.

POD.  I feel really bad for the OP, and for L too.  As if dealing with diabetes isn't hard enough as a teen, he's also got to deal with his parent's divorce, and if he didn't get along with his dad and refuses to stay with him, sounds like that's possibly a cause for stress for him and the mom too.  Just a bad situation all around.   And I can definitely understand being reluctant to just wash one's hands cause I'd be worried about how L would do if his mom doesn't seem to take his health seriously.

I hope that for L it doesn't come to him having a serious hospitalization worthy episode for her to finally take his diet seriously.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

snowdragon

  • Member
  • Posts: 1095
Re: Friend and Diabetes
« Reply #74 on: June 11, 2012, 08:37:36 PM »
http://www.diabetes.org/  this site will help you sort things out. There is a lot of great info there.  Personally. I would stop caring for this kid, because doing so is putting your own family at risk should something happen while he is with you.


Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.