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Author Topic: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36  (Read 136493 times)

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poundcake

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #600 on: July 03, 2012, 03:46:52 PM »
I also vote for radio silence. This is the classic advice from Gavin de Becker and I think it's applicable here.



Mr. de Becker does say that there should be "one explicit rejection and then after that absolutely no contact."

True. It's up to Rhon to decide if her last text counts as the explicit rejection (I tend to think it does,) but no going back and saying, "Well my rejection must not have been explicit enough since she keeps contacting me, so THIS one will be the explicit rejection." And so on.

Backing this up. Lather, rinse, repeat.

RebeccainGA

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #601 on: July 03, 2012, 03:53:33 PM »
Nothing to add that others haven't already said - but certainly have lots of sympathy. What an awful situation!

mj

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #602 on: July 03, 2012, 04:09:30 PM »
If you have already said "stop contacting me" (and I gather you have) then it's best to ignore her.  I hope this advice doesn't stray too far into the legal arena, but I want you to know that most authorities need absolute clear proof that you have told the person to stop -- AND you have not contributed to further communication attempts.  Otherwise, legally their hands are tied in helping you, if you will ever need it.  You have to show clear and convincing proof that you have called, texted, messaged or in anyway responded after your no contact statement.  Otherwise, it likely won't count.

Hopefull

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #603 on: July 03, 2012, 04:50:02 PM »
If you have already said "stop contacting me" (and I gather you have) then it's best to ignore her.  I hope this advice doesn't stray too far into the legal arena, but I want you to know that most authorities need absolute clear proof that you have told the person to stop -- AND you have not contributed to further communication attempts.  Otherwise, legally their hands are tied in helping you, if you will ever need it.  You have to show clear and convincing proof that you have called, texted, messaged or in anyway responded after your no contact statement.  Otherwise, it likely won't count.

Good point!! Rhon have everything printed out just incase!@!!!
“I felt this thrill going up my leg!”

weeblewobble

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #604 on: July 03, 2012, 05:19:16 PM »
Also, I would consider changing the passwords to any social media accounts- email, facebook, twitter, your weight loss app, etc.  You never know if she saw you log in at some point or maybe be able to guess your passwords.  And she could cause some serious chaos if she logged onto facebook as you.

And, I would put a fraud watch on my credit cards and my social security number.  You don't know what sort of personal information she may have seen while at your house.  and now that she can't get babysitting out of you, she might decide to help herself to some of your credit.  She has to get something out of you, afterall.  And you're not cooperating.  >:D

AmethystAnne

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #605 on: July 03, 2012, 06:15:41 PM »
JustRon do you have a plan in place in the event she just drops the kids off and runs??? Do you have some car seats you can borrow if you have to take the kids back to her???

I would not put it past her to do a drop and run.

My plan would be: Call the police, state that someone that you know has dropped off her children without any notice or plans and that these children MUST be removed immediately.

When asked "Why?" State that there is a medical reason that watching the children would be unsafe and that you have already stated to the mother, many times, that you were NOT going to watch her children.

At least in my area that would have both police and protective services at your house in minutes.

I had the same thought as Hopefull.

I like what Gmatoy has written above, just in case this happens.

MOM21SON

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #606 on: July 03, 2012, 06:56:59 PM »
I really don't understand why you are worried about this.  This is not your problem.  I would send her emails to spam and delete her texts without reading them.  Exercise for the spine is always good.

Giantkillersmom

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #607 on: July 03, 2012, 10:57:05 PM »
I have to say that I agree with the posters who have suggested that your DH speak with her as well.  It shows that you are a united front, that you have discussed together and that this is is a family decision.

Tai

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #608 on: July 04, 2012, 12:23:49 AM »
Did you know you can install call block on most smartphones?  It works on text messages as well, and archives them for you without seeing it unless you mean to.  I use "Call Control" for Droid. 


Elfmama

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #609 on: July 04, 2012, 12:30:16 AM »
So did R try to dump her  kids on you yesterday, Rho?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Winterlight

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #610 on: July 04, 2012, 07:02:44 AM »
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with all of the people who keep saying "send one more text, like you mean it this time." There are no magic words that are going to get R to behave. A rational person would take "no" for an answer, but R is not a rational person. She's living in her own reality and that reality doesn't include Rhon saying "no" and meaning it. Another note isn't going to do any good -- all it will do is prolong the problem. Every "no" or "go away" response isn't "no" or "go away" for her, it's just a signal about how much she needs to push before getting a response. (For the record, I disagreed with sending the last text, but didn't see the post before it happened, so I didn't say anything.)

Ignoring her will be hard: We're conditioned to be nice to people and nice people don't ignore others, especially others in need. But R really isn't truly in need, she just wants a convenient and compliant babysitter. Ignoring her will be hard: She's going to "up the ante" for quite a while. This isn't really about her kids, this is about her. The kids are just a lever; they're hostages for Rhon's good behavior. It's about having someone at R's beck-and-call. It's about the anger when Dobby gets a sock and escapes the Malfoys. Rhon isn't a friend, she's a servant and R will punish her servant for disobedience.

Rhon needs to take steps to protect herself and her family: Document everything and contact the police so at least there's a file open. Then she needs to stop responding at all.

This. The more you respond, "This is my final word. No, this one's more final. Now, this is it!" the more you undercut yourself. You said no, so stick to it.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

YummyMummy66

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #611 on: July 04, 2012, 07:36:40 AM »
Wow.  "misunderstanding".   Yes, the misunderstanding on her part is that she simply cannot grasp that you will no longer be babysitting her children. To suggest that you get a double stroller.  If she has that many kids, why doesn't she have one in the first place?

And it does not matter that her babies do better with L around.  So, she is still assuming that you will be watching L since he cannot be left home alone. That is because she has not taught her own child responsibility.  I have to wonder if this is why the grandfather is not sitting any longer.  He has had enough also.  He also needs a life.  R needs to figure out her own life and stop having others do it for her.

I would reply back one more time.  "R, there is no misunderstanding.  I have decided that I can no longer babysit any of your children anytime ever.  I am done.  Period.  You need to make other arrangements.  We would love to have L visit, but until you and he become familiar with his disease, I will not take on the responsibility of his health issues.  That is your job to parent your child, not mine.  Please do not contact me again.  Our one sided friendship is over."

Did not get a chance to read further replies yet, so some had mentioned my post.  In thinking more about it after posting, I would stop at you need to make other arrangements and leave everything out about L.  Or also add on, do not contact me again.  No Please.

Roe

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Re: Friend and Diabetes Updated P13, 18, 28, 31 & 36
« Reply #612 on: July 04, 2012, 10:55:57 AM »
Rhon, have you decided how you are going to handle R's latest text? 

Whatever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the right move for you! :)  Good luck!


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