Dont EAT THAT! (umm...too late)

[Autumn Rose]

This happened many years ago...but the memory resurfaced.    I am curious to know what you
(etiquette hellions) would have done.   


(Long story short)

Holiday Time.    Just moved into the area.

Wonderful opportunity is presented to meet the neighbors when they have an "open block party".
Everyone sets up a table at the end of their driveway with food and drink.

Among other things, my mother makes her famous "stuffed mushrooms", which includes sausage.

While chatting with other neighbors, a lovely lady  (who is obviously Muslim),
comes over and eats one of the last remaining mushrooms.

She comes over, starts chatting with us, and asks my mother
"how did you make the mushrooms....they are delicious"!

..........................uhhh


So do you...

A)   Tell her that she unknowingly violated one of her religious beliefs   

or

B)   Mention everything but the pork...

or

C)  ________________________



(I am sure this has been discussed before...but I am a newbie...  )

[Zilla]

How was it known that the lady in question was a practicing Muslim?  i would have simply told her.  If she had restrictions, I am sure she would have asked first.

[still in va]

i would be honest.  i know next to nothing about the Muslim religion, but there may be some special prayer or ritual or something when one has accidentally eaten pork.  i would want my guest to be able to avail herself of that if there was one.  which she couldn't, if i lied.

[NyaChan]

I am Muslim and it would be best to tell the person in most cases.  I say most cases because there are unreasonable people in every faith who you just can't count on to not pull a nutty    It is not considered a true violation if the pork is consumed unknowingly as it was in this case.  It is also good to tell her in the moment so that she knows to be careful next time.  Sometimes I get used to people pointing out what I can't eat ahead of time and just figure things are ok to eat - but then I'm not that strict.  Most people who are strict and know that they are in a non-Muslim household make an effort to ask if there is anything they should avoid.  A reminder that you do cook with pork in the form of an "I am so sorry, MuslimFriend, but there was actually sausage in that dish" is perfectly alright.  Let them have a moment to react (probably an oops & possibly a request to use the restroom to wash out the mouth in case there is still food in there) and then offer to point out the things that they should avoid sampling.

[QueenofAllThings]

I would think if you were vehemently against *type of food* for religious, moral, allergy or ethical reasons, you'd become good about asking before eating. But if someone asks AFTER they eat, you should tell them - if only to help them avoid eating more should they choose.

I don't eat meat. Last night, someone was passing spring rolls. It was delicious, but I realized after the first bite that it held meat. My fault  for not asking, but not a big deal because it's a personal choice for me (vs. religious or moral).

[lowspark]

I agree that people who have dietary restrictions, whether due to religion, choice or health, normally will ask before eating. If they don't ask, well, the responsibility is theirs. Regardless of whatever made this lady "obviously Muslim", she may or may not follow the dietary restrictions of the religion.

She asked, tell her. Oh, and just answer her question. Tell her how you made them. Not that she just violated her religious belief (you couldn't possibly know that for sure and it would be rude to presume). And don't purposely leave out an ingredient when passing on a recipe -- that's rude.

So... did your mother tell her?

[Thipu1]

When pot-lucks were held in our building, a memo was sent out.  It specified that all foods should carry labels to identify the ingredients.  It was a pain in the you-know-where but it made sense because people with allergies or aversions to certain foods knew what it was safe to eat.

Unless they are really recent immigrants, most people will realize that stuffed mushrooms are likely to contain sausage.  Yes, there are mushrooms stuffed with bread crumbs but the very good recipes do include pork.  when in doubt, it's always a good idea to ask before eating something. 

[Wulfie]

I think that may be a regional thing. I have never seen them with pork in them. Many of them around here (Seattle) have seafood in them.

[Winterlight]

My father makes them all the time and his are vegetarian. It wouldn't occur to me that they'd have sausage, because that's not what I'm used to. This was just one of those things- nobody is wrong.

[O'Dell]

I'd say something. I'd hope that a person with a restricted diet would ask about ingredients first, but if not, I'd let them know so in case they decided to eat more. If it's a problem that they already ate it and now have to do penance or something that's their problem, but it would be rude to knowingly withhold information that they should have.

[Zilla]

My father makes them all the time and his are vegetarian. It wouldn't occur to me that they'd have sausage, because that's not what I'm used to. This was just one of those things- nobody is wrong.

Interesting, all the ones I have had in the southern US have sausage in them.   My mom makes them two ways, crab and sausage.

[whatsanenigma]

I think in that situation, I would just act as though I was not aware that she was probably muslim.  I would just answer as though she were anybody else, and just say what was in them or that I would give her the recipie after the party or whatever.

As others have said, if someone's dietary restrictions are very strict, it's really on them to ask about what foods might contain certain ingredients.  Maybe she doesn't follow those restrictions, or is not in fact muslim, or, I guess any number of things.

So just to answer straighforwardly, to "play dumb", I think would solve the problem of feeling awkward, where she wouldn't necessarily know that you know you are actually probably telling her she just violated one of her own religious beliefs, a really big deal, and so she wouldn't be emberassed, not knowing how to react herself.   She could just say "okay, that's interesting!" or whatever, and then do whatever she needs to do, if anything, to "make up" for the mistake, and if that's actually not one of her restrictions, you've saved yourself some awkwardness too.

[rose red]

Even veggies can have hidden ingredients like being cooked in bacon fat or chicken broth.  I agree it's up to the person to ask and if they didn't, I have no problem giving them the recipe.

[jpcher]

I tend to agree that it's up to the person with dietary restrictions/food aversions to ask before ingesting.*

Especially in a situation such as OP has described . . . a block party where everybody has their favorite recipes set out.

Any person with a dietary restriction could always eat off of their own table or ask before trying the other goodies.



OP, to answer your question, you should be honest about the ingredients. Absolutely no need to hide behind what you think is a restriction on the eater's part.

[kareng57]

I have to wonder, how do you know that this person is "obviously" Muslim?

Even if she mentions where she worships, you don't have any way of knowing whether or not she follows dietary rules stringently - she might not.  Another example - not all Jewish people keep strict Kosher.  Some do as often as possible - they keep a strict kitchen at home and do their best to keep Kosher when eating away from home, although they know it's not always possible to be 100% stringent.  Others simply don't worry about it.

I would think addressing a person re "aren't you Muslim/Jewish/Hindu?  Don't you know that you should not be eating that?" would be pretty offensive.  If people are concerned about what they are ingesting, the onus is on them to ask about it.