Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

"What a waste of an education"

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Judah:

--- Quote from: hobish on June 12, 2012, 05:33:29 PM ---
--- Quote from: Judah on June 12, 2012, 05:23:42 PM ---
--- Quote from: hobish on June 12, 2012, 05:08:41 PM ---
Did they pay for you to go to school? I think if i spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to help someone reach a goal and they told me they were planning on not using it at all, and even degrading it ... i'd be a little peeved ... and if it was my kid i would tell them so. Having a "precious one month old" on the arm is irrelevant, IMO. If they didn't, and you didn't discuss it with them is one thing; but if they did i am not sure what you were really expecting. That's got to hurt as a parent.

--- End quote ---

So educating her own children isn't a good enough use of her education?  Just simply getting an education for educations sake is a waste?  Who gets to decide what a good enough use of an education is?  I'm paying for both my children's educations, well, DH and I both.  It's our gift to our children. What they choose to do with that gift is up to them.

OP, silence was the best option.

--- End quote ---

I think if you help pay for, or pay for a lot of someone's education as most parents do - and they tell you that they want to "be a mommy" you have a right to express an opinion, yes.

--- End quote ---

To me this is more about the OP's parenting choices, staying home and home schooling, and no one has a right to express an opinion on that except OP and her husband.

Knitterly:
I'm a little stunned that people are supporting the OPs father in this. 

My sister has a master's degree and received no end of this sort of comment from vague acquaintances and even from some (former) friends.  It's one thing to hear it endlessly from mere acquaintances, but it is quite a bit more hurtful to hear it from one's parents.

This isn't a case of wasting an education.  This is a situation where the OP made her intentions to raise and educate her own children very clear.  Her father chose a moment where he could be deliberately hurtful without the consequence of being called out on his bad behaviour by others.

My mother does this to me often.  She is sweet as can be when Mr. K is around, but when he's not, she can be incredibly unkind.

I find it interesting that the OP's father didn't even have the courage to belittle her choice to be a SAHM in front of his wife (who had also been a SAHM).

Mrs. Pilgrim IS using her education.  She's just not using it in a way that her father approves of.

I had plans to be an accountant.  Once I actually started, though, I found it tediously incompatible with my personality.  I am now a stay-at-home-mom, too.


--- Quote from: hobish on June 12, 2012, 05:33:29 PM ---
I think if you help pay for, or pay for a lot of someone's education as most parents do - and they tell you that they want to "be a mommy" you have a right to express an opinion, yes.


--- End quote ---
One can express such an opinion politely and kindly, which the OPs father did not do.  One does NOT, however, have a right to belittle a choice once it has been made.


--- Quote from: QueenfaninCA on June 12, 2012, 05:30:30 PM ---I'm with hobish. The OP didn't just get an education, she went to law school, which last time I checked wasn't exactly cheap. If it had been her plan all the while to be a SAHM, she could have gotten a degree in something more applicable for a lot less money.

--- End quote ---

Perhaps... but what if she couldn't have kids?  What if she had a hard time finding the right Mr. Pilgrim?

Sometimes life takes us in all sorts of directions.


--- Quote from: Judah on June 12, 2012, 05:37:21 PM ---To me this is more about the OP's parenting choices, staying home and home schooling, and no one has a right to express an opinion on that except OP and her husband.

--- End quote ---
POD!

Nika:
I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say... then Knitterly posted exactly what I was thinking. So I will sit just sit back and say that I agree with everything she said.

Luci:
This should be some encouragement.

I graduated with a teacher's certificate in math and English. I only taught nine weeks (I was a permanent sub at the end of the year for a cancer victim). My parents paid for all of my education, including my senior year when we were married. They sent us the same amount of money that they had paid the previous year.

Mom died far before we realized that I wouldn't teach. But Dad always said that he was glad I had something to fall back on if I were left alone.

My MIL, also an educator, said that I shouldn't worry about it because an education is never wasted. She was right, because as a school librarian (an aide job), I used many of my skills learned by just being in college that one would never expect would be helpful. I was also more supportive of our children all through their educations and my husband in his teaching career. (I also hated teaching classes, although I loved tutoring, so I probably would have had to have therapy if I had taught. Those potential students dodged a bullet and don't know it!)

Of course my degree isn't as spectacular as yours, but I would support you and know that it is your right and privilege to do what you need to and want to do. You child and future children are very lucky.

I agree that you can't ever talk your dad into understanding, so complete silence is probably the best policy.

hobish:

--- Quote from: Judah on June 12, 2012, 05:37:21 PM ---
--- Quote from: hobish on June 12, 2012, 05:33:29 PM ---
--- Quote from: Judah on June 12, 2012, 05:23:42 PM ---
--- Quote from: hobish on June 12, 2012, 05:08:41 PM ---
Did they pay for you to go to school? I think if i spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to help someone reach a goal and they told me they were planning on not using it at all, and even degrading it ... i'd be a little peeved ... and if it was my kid i would tell them so. Having a "precious one month old" on the arm is irrelevant, IMO. If they didn't, and you didn't discuss it with them is one thing; but if they did i am not sure what you were really expecting. That's got to hurt as a parent.

--- End quote ---

So educating her own children isn't a good enough use of her education?  Just simply getting an education for educations sake is a waste?  Who gets to decide what a good enough use of an education is?  I'm paying for both my children's educations, well, DH and I both.  It's our gift to our children. What they choose to do with that gift is up to them.

OP, silence was the best option.

--- End quote ---

I think if you help pay for, or pay for a lot of someone's education as most parents do - and they tell you that they want to "be a mommy" you have a right to express an opinion, yes.

--- End quote ---

To me this is more about the OP's parenting choices, staying home and home schooling, and no one has a right to express an opinion on that except OP and her husband.

--- End quote ---

Then why is she discussing it with them? It's not very fair to bring things up and not allow anyone else to have an opinion on it other than, "How lovely for you, dear."


--- Quote ---I'm a little stunned that people are supporting the OPs father in this.
--- End quote ---

... and what was an interesting little debate sinks to condescenscion and "I can't believe you think like that" in less than a page. It's been fun.

OP, i wish you the best and hope you can have some understanding for your dad. I know if it was my dad who had supported me in breaking into law or another male dominated field to hear me say i want to be a mommy he would be shocked and hurt. Maybe yours does, too. Give him some room.

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