Fb etiquette - tagging unflattering photos or tagging other people's pics

[Samgirl2]

Is there an acceptable etiquette for posting or tagging photos on facebook?

I try not to post unflattering photos of people on facebook.  However if it's an otherwise good photo of a group but one person is doing something strange or looks funny then I might post it, but not tag that person so that it doesn't appear in their timeline to all their friends before they've had a chance to see it themselves and decide if they want to be tagged.  I think that's just the nice thing to do.

I've noticed other people aren't so kind and a stack of hideous photos of me appeared in my timeline earlier today which I've just frantically taken down - eyes shut, mid-bite of my dinner, mid-sneeze and only me in the photo in once case - why would anyone want to see that or think it's worth posting?! I've had to go through and untag myself!

B/G
I just came back from my sister's hen weekend at which I was nominated 'official photographer' so that we could create a photobook as a souvenir for my sister to look at in years to come. Of course other people had camera phones etc too.

I love photography and was pretty careful to take nice shots, not just snap away. Sometimes I took a few quick ones because the moment was funny but I knew I would edit through them later.

At my sister's request I posted them on facebook shortly after getting home (having edited them in Picassa first as well as making up the photobook to be sent to her).  Any photos that were really unflattering or just not good I removed completely. I tagged my sister and the few friends of her's that I was Fb friends with in the photos that I thought were good. If a photo was good but had one person pulling a weird face, or in their opinion I knew they would think they looked larger than they were because of the angle or something and I thought they might not want it appearing in their timeline for all their friends to see then I left their tag off. I basically don't tag anyone in something that i would be embarrased by if it was me.

Unfortunately one of the girls there was less scrupulous.  She requested to add me as a friend and as soon as I accepted I discovered I'd been tagged in nearly 50 photos she'd snapped on her camera phone. Some I wasn't even in, some you could see my arm or my hand so it was harmless but odd! The rest were just so so unflattering to everyone in them, not just me!  She has also gone through all of my photos from the event and tagged people I pursposely didn't and written in tags for people she isn't friends with. I just find it a bit rude to work your way through someone else's photos?

[Sharnita]

I think you need to realize different people have different standards for what is unflattering.  They also have different standards for why you might tag somebody.  Yours seem a bit rigid.  Hers seem a bit loose. I don't think she is rude.

[dawbs]

I think you need to realize different people have different standards for what is unflattering.  They also have different standards for why you might tag somebody.  Yours seem a bit rigid.  Hers seem a bit loose. I don't think she is rude.

This.

[NotTheNarcissist]

OP, I totally feel your pain. My daughter-in-law (who truly is a super sweet-natured woman) posted a picture of me in the middle of dancing to "YMCA" during her wedding reception (spread-eagled & hands and arms flailing up to the heavens) on Facebook. While I am ever so grateful she did not tag me, still.... (ahem) Anyway... I also had a very good friend of mine post a picture of me after I had just woken up & wandered half asleep outside to feed my horses, mercy! I looked like death warmed over, and there it was on the internet for "who knows who" to see. (With that one, I called her and she removed the pic). So I totally empathize. But as PP have noted, as with everything else FB (games, friend invites, unfriending, inviting to an event, etc.), what is acceptable to one person is unacceptable to another. This is because FB etiquette is still evolving, and with people from age 10-100 coming from every conceivable upbringing and background -- well there are sure to be  misunderstandings to put it lightly. Just know, in case there is any doubt, that you have every right to untag yourself & you don't owe any explanation if you do. If the bride found photos unflattering, she might have a little more sway in getting them off FB than anyone else perhaps... IDK, and I hate to conjecture since it seems like dynamics change with every circumstance, but I totally do feel your pain and hope at least the 'worst' pictures do get removed.

At least this way you know in the future to keep an eye on this person's camera especially when alcohol is involved... is that one positive to take away from this? 

[flowersintheattic]

I agree with NotTheNarcissist - you can't count on everyone having the same sense of decency when it comes to tagging and posting pictures, and you can't count on everyone having the same idea of what's unflattering.

I handle this by restricting posts so I have to approve them before they'll show up on my timeline. If it's an unflattering picture, I can decline having it appear on my profile and remove the tag. In extreme circumstances, I've requested the photo be removed. (It turns out my husband does not have the same definition of unflattering as me...)

As far as other people tagging pictures you posted, I think you have two options. Either untag them and send a PM to the offender politely asking her not to tag photos you post, or leave them tagged and let the person in the picture deal with it.

[Yvaine]

The last year or so, I've moved toward just posting the pictures sans tags and letting people tag themselves if they want. I don't want to tag anyone in an unflattering picture, but I feel like leaving exactly one person out is like saying "I think you look awful in this pic."  And you never know who wants to be tagged in a picture where there are drinks, or people in costumes, or who told their boss they were sick that day. 

[Breezygirl]

I have my setting set for Only Me" to see photos I'm tagged in, so they do not show up in my timeline as while as the newer setting described above to have me approve anything someone else adds to my timeline.

[LifeOnPluto]

I don't think it's rude to untag yourself from photos that look less than flattering. You could send a short note to your friend saying "I've just untagged myself from a few of your photos, as I look a little strange in them."

Of course, there's a chance your friend could then simply ignore the note and re-tag you! But I think that would be rude.

[Cosmasia]

There is a setting that works in a way that means you have to approve of a tag before it shows up in your profile/photos.
That way you can untag yourself before any of your friends see the photo, that's what I do because I'm extremely picky about photos other people take of me. With close friends I contact them and request for the photo to be taken down. (Because frankly not being tagged doesn't change the fact that their whole friendlist and our shared friends can still see the photo).

However annoying it is though, it's not rude. People have different standards for what is and isn't shared.
So it's up to you (and me and others) to change your settings.

It's also not rude to work around in someone else's photos, because as the "owner" you can always just untag them again. As far as I have experienced, if someone is untagged they cannot be tagged again by the same person, so that no one can be harrassed by getting repeatedly tagged by one person on a photo they don't like.

[crella]

Samgirl2, I feel your pain. People's ideas of what they don't mind having out on the net are so different from person to person sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes people tag without knowing what it means, and some just tag everything.

I had to ask my sister to stop tagging pics of my granddaughter. I am careful as to who I 'friend' and have my privacy settings high. Sis comes along and tags a photo because she wants one friend to see it,unaware that it opens it up to her whole friend list (over 100 people, a lot of them high school students because she's a band mom、and subsequently all their friends too) and everybody on the friend's list too. 'Oh, I didn't know that'.....it seems she thought it was like bookmarking. 

I think all you can do is explain your expectations. It may simply not occur to people that you don't want things tagged.

[Xandraea]

Some people don't seem to realize that once you put something on the internet, it's there. Forever.  I greatly dislike sites like Facebook because people share photos that never should have been seen, or that those IN the photo may not want on the internet for all to see.  I don't believe the filters limiting "who sees" are enough.  Your photo is now stored on a server somewhere and people have access to it, whether specifically given the privilege or not.  I very much dislike the idea that photos of me, or my child, may be on Facebook somewhere because someone posted without asking me first.  I do not have a Facebook account and therefore cannot check up on these things.  I have heard enough about Facebook to not have the slightest interest in being involved.

My sister has gone about the "share our lives" thing an entirely different way.  She's got a personal blog that is passworded so that only those she personally invites may go see this site.  She also is very concerned with safety of our personal information and photos of children, events, etc. 

Of course, I am irked by the way personal information is available to the public in general.  I bought a house years ago and the local newspaper posted that this address was purchased by this person for this much $$.  Granted, it may be "public information", but make people go hunt it up at least, no need to broadcast it like that!  Also, paying to have my phone # unlisted/blocked seems backwards to me.  One should have to pay to BE listed, not pay for privacy.  (Never mind that it doesn't stop the telemarketers/political surveys, etc from calling me constantly anyway..)

Sorry, that turned into a rant.  I stand by my opinion of Facebook and similar sites, however.  I wish to be in control of my image and personal information, and it irks me that someone else could take that control right out of my hands.