I don't want to see your vacation pictures - again

[a]

I'm going to go against the tide here *snerk*.

I think that Ben is a lovely man from the sound of things, who is a little insecure.  By showing his pics and asking your opinion, he is seeking validation of himself, and is looking for your approval.  I get your point of view, and understand it would be quite frustrating.  However, in the greater scheme of things, if it means so much to him, and really does no harm to you, then taking a little time to view the photos (maybe a half hour, tops?) and comment on how great they are could mean a LOT more to him than you realise.  Perhaps view it as an act of kindness, so that way you feel good about it, rather than impatient?

I was just about to post something like this. If you think this means *a lot* to Ben and it is an annoyance you can live with - maybe it's worth that hour (if it is one hour?) a year?

If not, I'd try liking some on facebook, and also mentioning it to him next time you meet him so that he sees that you actually see them.

If it is unbearable, how about you tried to talk about techniques instead of motives? How did you manage to get that angle/that lighting...

[IWish]

Thanks for all the replies!

I especially like the idea to just briefly skim fb on my own, "like" a couple of pics, then be able to honestly tell him that I've looked at them.

Well, I like the idea better to bring my own 200 pics and see what happens, but I guess that's not the best etiquette solution. DH's suggestion was similar: bring a stack of pictures every time of  something really random and boring, like pancakes. Take pictures of them every time we make breakfast or eat breakfast out. Then, with a straight face, make Ben sit through my slide show while I describe them one by one. "This particular beauty was from IHOP on June 5th. Notice how you can almost make out Abe Vigoda's face."   

Redsoil, I do understand and appreciate your point. That's why I've put up with it for 20 years and not been more blunt. I guess part of me also wants to help him because I know if I'm finding myself avoiding him, others are too.

Thanks again, all. You always have better wording than I can come up with.

[jaxsue]

You know how cartoonists picture visions of hell, based on individual tastes? My version is, "Welcome to hell, now look at my vacation photos and family videos." 

[IWish]

I was just about to post something like this. If you think this means *a lot* to Ben and it is an annoyance you can live with - maybe it's worth that hour (if it is one hour?) a year?

Good point, a.  I would (and have) put up with it, but our time together is limited. We generally meet on our lunch break several times a year so we've only got an hour to catch up. When that hour is taken up almost entirely by photos, I miss out on hearing what's really going on in his life. And I'd rather hear about him, than just his vacations. I guess I could just tell him that and maybe it wouldn't hurt his feelings. He does tend to get his feelings hurt if I try to deflect the conversation away from the photos before he's ready.

[Petticoats]

I was just about to post something like this. If you think this means *a lot* to Ben and it is an annoyance you can live with - maybe it's worth that hour (if it is one hour?) a year?

Good point, a.  I would (and have) put up with it, but our time together is limited. We generally meet on our lunch break several times a year so we've only got an hour to catch up. When that hour is taken up almost entirely by photos, I miss out on hearing what's really going on in his life. And I'd rather hear about him, than just his vacations. I guess I could just tell him that and maybe it wouldn't hurt his feelings. He does tend to get his feelings hurt if I try to deflect the conversation away from the photos before he's ready.

Yes, tell him that! I just hope that he actually does have more going on in his life than vacation photos, because I started to wonder that as I read. Maybe he doesn't think anything else is interesting to others?

[thedudeabides]

He's sweet, but he hijacks a ton of your time together for his pictures.  And he's tried to keep you from eating before when you weren't as interested in the pictures as he thought you should be.  That's not sweet; that's self-absorbed.

"Dude, I know you like taking pictures, and they're great, but I want to know what you got up to while you were on vacation/since you got back/since the last time we saw each other.  We can do that and eat."

[chibichan]

"Yes! I particularly liked the one  of the beach - you know, where the water's all 'ooooooooooo' and the sand and everything" 

I am so using this line ....I don't know where , why or with whom but I cannot let this masterpiece remain unsaid . I actually have an intense desire now to paint a seascape , just so I can title it  "The Water's All  'ooooooooooo' " .

[Hunter-Gatherer]

Great.  Now I'm totally going to have to start looking for Abe Vigoda's face in all my pancakes.  That would be the find of the century.

P.S. - Abe Vidoda is still alive and living in NYC... and surprisingly, he's only 91.

[random numbers]

What about a combo approach -
Go on FB, like a couple of pictures, comment on one or two, right before you get together for that lunch.
Then you can say, "Oh, I just looked at them all; I'd rather hear about what else is going on in your life!"

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

This thread brings back memories of some of the excruciating things I’ve tolerated in the name of friendship.

One friend is a mediocre composer of new-age type music.  He held a “party” where guests had to listen to him play about 20 of his instrumental compositions (which all sounded pretty much alike) and suggest titles for the songs.  The songs begged for titles like Serenity in Topaz or Autumn Remembered.   At least this only happened once.

I really don’t understand how people can expect their friends to suffer through this type of thing. 

For the O.P., I POD the idea of skimming through the photos on Facebook and liking a couple.  If Friend brings hard copies to dinner, I’d insist that I wanted to spend the time getting caught up and that I’d look at the photos on Facebook later. 

[Giggity]

"Yes! I particularly liked the one  of the beach - you know, where the water's all 'ooooooooooo' and the sand and everything" 

I am so using this line ....I don't know where , why or with whom but I cannot let this masterpiece remain unsaid . I actually have an intense desire now to paint a seascape , just so I can title it  "The Water's All  'ooooooooooo' " .

I am emotionally attached to this line. I think I'll make it my tagline on my e-mail.

[Giggity]

One friend is a mediocre composer of new-age type music.  He held a “party” where guests had to listen to him play about 20 of his instrumental compositions (which all sounded pretty much alike) and suggest titles for the songs.  The songs begged for titles like Serenity in Topaz or Autumn Remembered.   At least this only happened once.

I'd have whipped open my makeup case and started naming them after eye shadow colors.

[Ginger G]

I was interested in reading this thread because I have a coworker who does almost exactly the same thing.  Every year, she and her extended take a cruise to the same general area in the Carribbean.  A week or so after she comes back, here come the photos, literally hundreds of them.  She puts them in albums (several large albums per trip).  The photos are just ridiculously awful in subject and composition.  Many shots of her and her family in their swimsuits cavorting about, and many, many shots of the food they ate.  She will ambush you and insist you look at them and stand there and watch while you do.  I have successfully managed to avoid the ambush so far this year, but I know it's coming since the albums are still sitting on her desk, she won't take them home until she knows every one has seen them.  I don't get it, I really don't.  Now I'm seriously thinking about getting 100 or so of my cats' photos printed and make her look at them while I look at hers.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

I'd have whipped open my makeup case and started naming them after eye shadow colors.

I sure wish I'd thought of that. 

[Jocelyn]

I understand the kind motives of the people who suggested that the OP just put up with it. I agree that Ben's seeking personal validation by having people admire his vacation pictures.
But...IT'S. NOT. WORKING.
Ben is using an ineffective strategy that's having the opposite effect.
Perhaps it's time for what my family called 'A talk from your Dutch uncle'.  That is, a kind, loving but frank phonecall on the clue telephone. In the long run, a Dutch uncle talk spares a person a lot of hurt, because it presents them with the information they need (but lack) to meet their goals.
'Ben, you do a great job of taking pictures. But do you realize that by now, I've seen thousands of pictures of X island? You're overestimating how many pictures people want to see of the same place. You need to take some photos of other places to share, if you want people to look forward to seeing your pics. Or join an photography club, and meet people who really adore looking at photos, more than the average person.  The average person wants to see about 20 pics at any given time. Please don't ask me to sit through a showing of ten times that.'

Have you ever suspected that Ben might have Asperger's?  I say that because my sister does, and this sounds like something she does: vastly overestimating how interested other people are in her interests. It's something most AS people have to learn by rote.