I don't want to see your vacation pictures - again

[LazyDaisy]

I'm of both minds on this one. On one hand Jocelyn is right, the length of your friendship suggests you should be honest with Ben that you don't want to see 200 photos of the same beach he's been photographing for 20 years because you can literally say you've seen it all; and on the other, it is obviously important to him and friendship sometimes means putting up with minor personality flaws.

I wouldn't continue to put him off by saying you are too busy -- it sounds like he takes you literally on your word that as soon as you're not too busy, you'll look at all of them. You could be honest that you don't want to look at them because you've seen it all before and want to use your time together talking about other subjects, but I'm guessing this might be all he has to share and the rest of his life is "I get up, go to work, go home, go to bed; on weekends I do laundry, and sometimes I go grocery shopping -- lather rinse repeat."

Is photography really his hobby? Try to encourage him to expand his repertoire to new subjects. If fact why not tell him to bring his camera with him when you meet up and make it a day of finding new things to photograph together. Then you can converse while he takes photos or at least be distracted by finding stuff to photograph. You might still end up looking at 200 photos, but the scenery will change.

[bloo]

I understand the kind motives of the people who suggested that the OP just put up with it. I agree that Ben's seeking personal validation by having people admire his vacation pictures.
But...IT'S. NOT. WORKING.
Ben is using an ineffective strategy that's having the opposite effect.
Perhaps it's time for what my family called 'A talk from your Dutch uncle'.  That is, a kind, loving but frank phonecall on the clue telephone. In the long run, a Dutch uncle talk spares a person a lot of hurt, because it presents them with the information they need (but lack) to meet their goals.
'Ben, you do a great job of taking pictures. But do you realize that by now, I've seen thousands of pictures of X island? You're overestimating how many pictures people want to see of the same place. You need to take some photos of other places to share, if you want people to look forward to seeing your pics. Or join an photography club, and meet people who really adore looking at photos, more than the average person.  The average person wants to see about 20 pics at any given time. Please don't ask me to sit through a showing of ten times that.'

Have you ever suspected that Ben might have Asperger's?  I say that because my sister does, and this sounds like something she does: vastly overestimating how interested other people are in her interests. It's something most AS people have to learn by rote.

I tend to agree with this, but one thing that makes me groan: Another message board I lurk on has Aperger's brought up so much in regards to odd behavior that it totally incenses the regular posters. But I'm quick to note here that I was thinking the same thing.

Off topic: Jocelyn, I think you were the one that added your experience in Dr. F's team-building thread (now-closed) about the drawing with the brown marker? I laughed so hard I cried. My kids came into the room to ask what the funny was and gave up as I couldn't spit it out 'cuz I was hysterical! Thanks for the laughs!

[IWish]

OP here.

To respond, I don't think Ben has Asperger's. He's not socially awkward in any other way. He's just really, really excited about his trips and his love for that island. Seriously, he could be their unpaid ambassador. He does take pictures other than the island occasionally. He's won some contests in the state fair. However, he doesn't seem to have the same zeal to share these with everyone in the same quantity. And now that I think of it, some of the pictures he enters in contests are island pictures. I don't want to encourage him in the photography area because, honestly, I don't really want to look at 200 pictures of flowers each time either.

He has other hobbies, is very active in his church and has an interesting job. These things I'd love to catch up with him about.

GingerG, I feel for you with your coworker! You are a captive audience. At least I can say I have to get back to work and physically leave. Your description of not taking  the photo albums home until everyone has been hounded gives me chills because it's the same feeling I get from Ben. He's brought up the most recent fb pics four times now. In the same manner as your coworker, he won't "take them home" until I go through them all. That's why I'm going to try liking a few and having some generic comments to appear like I have looked at them all.

CrazyDaffodilLady, I'll be laughing at your predicament for the rest of the day of the concert with naming rights. What torture.

[Jocelyn]

 
I tend to agree with this, but one thing that makes me groan: Another message board I lurk on has Aperger's brought up so much in regards to odd behavior that it totally incenses the regular posters. But I'm quick to note here that I was thinking the same thing.

Off topic: Jocelyn, I think you were the one that added your experience in Dr. F's team-building thread (now-closed) about the drawing with the brown marker? I laughed so hard I cried. My kids came into the room to ask what the funny was and gave up as I couldn't spit it out 'cuz I was hysterical! Thanks for the laughs!

I know, I know...I debated about saying it.  But it made such a huge difference in how we respond to my sister, to be able to think 'it's how her brain's wired, it's not that she's trying to be annoying'. I thought that if it resonated with the OP, it might help her in how she felt about the behavior, too.

Yes, that was me with the brown marker (or, rather, me egging on my colleague with a brown marker). It struck both of us as hilariously true. However, the CEO was so pissed, no one else dared laugh. This CEO would periodically lament that he just couldn't understand how these sly employees who looked so good during an interview, would, after a few years of work, become bad-attitude bears who'd quit. How could this misfortune keep happening to him over and over? Fortunately I had the golden excuse for leaving: I was going back to grad school. He actually laid claim to having inspired me to continue my education...well, that's certainly true, but not in the sense he meant. 

[DoubleTrouble]

You know how cartoonists picture visions of hell, based on individual tastes? My version is, "Welcome to hell, now look at my vacation photos and family videos." 

That would be me & DH sitting through one of my brother's slide shows of his trips. What's worse is his pictures aren't that great & he doesn't do any editing that might make them better but he thinks they are the best pictures evar. I got a reprieve the last time he brought out his laptop when my youngest reveled he picked up the stomach flu right when brother turned on the slide show. I've never been so happy about stomach flu in my life!

[gramma dishes]

...    I miss out on hearing what's really going on in his life. And I'd rather hear about him, than just his vacations. I guess I could just tell him that and maybe it wouldn't hurt his feelings.

If you haven't already tried this, I think it would be worth a try just once.  Maybe he really thinks the most interesting thing about him is his cache of beautiful pictures of the beach, ooooooooy water, and his plate full of lobster next to a wine glass.  Maybe he'd feel better if you were able to assure him that there were other things about him you found even more interesting.

One thing though.  I began getting squirmy just reading about the restaurant incident where the poor waitress had to keep coming back to see if you all were ready to order.  You know most of their pay comes in the form of tips and when a table sits there looking at pictures for forty-five minutes before even ordering, it reduces her table turnover and probably cheats her out of a significant part of her income for that evening.  If nothing else, I'd point that out and put a total kibosh on picture viewing at restaurants.

[Bijou]

You could say you looked at his pictures and click "like"on one or two.

This is what I do when friends post tons of pics from vacation.  I scan the thumbnails, and pick a couple to like or comment on.

Brilliant!  That means a person has really viewed them!  If I were the OP, I would be so grateful for them being posted online where I could just do as you suggested and not be held captive to a bunch of pictures!  I would also let him know I had looked at them (not that I just looked at the thumbnails) before he could contact me to ask about it.

[POF]

Lakehouse Sally used to do this when she was hosting a party for a holday / birthday.  We show up for T-Day, dinner is the usual 2 1/2 hours late after dinner she'd play 75 trillion vacation pictures on her TV and get mad when I would opt to TALK in another room to out of town relatives.

It was considered a mandatory viewing !

I feel your pain.

[jaxsue]

Lakehouse Sally used to do this when she was hosting a party for a holday / birthday.  We show up for T-Day, dinner is the usual 2 1/2 hours late after dinner she'd play 75 trillion vacation pictures on her TV and get mad when I would opt to TALK in another room to out of town relatives.

It was considered a mandatory viewing !

I feel your pain.

I hate being roped into stuff like this.

Several years ago X-DH and I spent Thanksgiving at his Aunt's house. Her son had gotten married not too long earlier and after dinner we were all treated to a video of the wedding. It was several hours long! And we were given the life story of every person in the video. I gave up, and, risking the wrath of the relatives, went for a long walk.

[Mikayla]

OP, I might have missed it, but do you know if you're the only recipient of Photo Overload, or are there others?  I'm asking because I agree with the majority here, but if he's really a close friend, you might want to mention to him that he risks driving people away.  I actually cringed reading part of this!

I was in a similar position with a good friend. I don't think she ever held people hostage in a restaurant forcing them to look before eating, but if you got invited to her home, she'd hook the camcorder up to the TV and you'd get to see trip photos.  The last time she did it, there were like 25 photos of ONE hibiscus - complete with commentary on each photo.

People started declining her invites, and it was sad, because like your friend, she was awesome otherwise.  It wasn't the easiest convo I've ever had, but her parties were going to be just her and me if someone didn't say something.

[gramma dishes]

People started declining her invites, and it was sad, because like your friend, she was awesome otherwise.  It wasn't the easiest convo I've ever had, but her parties were going to be just her and me if someone didn't say something.

How did you word it and what was her reaction? 

You are a really good friend.  Most people just retreat with no explanation.  It had to have been hard to tell her there was a problem, but really good friends do that for each other.