Of in laws and childbirth (New Questions: pg 2)

[LifeOnPluto]

Mil has told him she's visiting just before and after the birth, despite her full knowledge of the overnight ban. She hasn't told us this though, and DH is aware a 'chat' may be needed. I think it might be a spot of jealousy. Mil lives 4 hours away. Fil lives 8 time zones away!

Have a list of hotels ready in case she shows up on your doorstep with a suitcase.

...and one of those chain-lock thingies so your door only opens a couple of inches....

Yep. I was going to say that if your FIL does turn up on your doorstep with a suitcase expecting to stay, do NOT let him in! Send him to a hotel, but don't cave in.

[lady_disdain]

Once the baby was here, she didn't care. She actually told me, "I'm like anticipation more than reality. When are you going to get pregnant again?" I'm SO SO SO glad I wasn't dealing with that immediately after childbirth.

"I am going to let you enjoy the anticipation of waiting for that answer."

[guihong]

Nah, you're not being unreasonable at all.  My mother came out the day after my first son was born and at the time I thought "Yeah I really want my mom to come and help out" and in all truth she did, but in hindsight I would have kinda liked if she'd come when he was about 2 weeks old. 

It didn't help that my first son was born on the day we were supposed to pick up the keys to our base house.  He was born at 11:10 that morning and as soon as I was settled into the postpartum room, he had to go to the housing office to pick up the keys and start moving things in.   *snip*

[/b]

I know what you meant, but I had a visual of a newborn getting out of the baby warmer, going to pick up the keys, and moving things in 

My in-laws came when DD was born, maybe a few days afterwards after the flurry of church dinners came.  My MIL can be a little overbearing, but she didn't expect me to cook or clean-in fact, she cleaned my house.  I wasn't in any shape to object.  I think if I had to do it over, I would have waited longer, too.

[MrTango]

Think of it this way.  Marriages get a honeymoon.  Why not a new baby?

Absolutely this!  I don't think it's at all unreasonable for a new mother (and father, for that matter) to want some time to get to know the new addition to their family without their parents, siblings, or friends barging in uninvited.

With a honeymoon, I know a lot of people who wouldn't tell their family anything more than the city (or even the state) of their honeymoon destination until after they returned from the trip.  I don't see anything wrong with new parents choosing to wait a few days or even a couple weeks to notify people of the baby's birth.

[ClaireC79]

Now while a lotus birth not clamping or cutting the cord, waiting for the placenta to detach naturally which takes between 3 and 10 days isn't for everyone, those who have done it say that it works wonders at getting rid of unwanted visitors and ensuring they get a 'babymoon'

[pwy a wyr]

Thank you for all your advice and encouragement. Sorry for the late reply, I've been working. Turns out, MiL totally understands why we won't want overnight guests and empathises mightily. Sister in law can't come over anyway, so the only person Fil was speaking for was himself. That helps.
DH is a star. He's been so reasonable in all of this and keeps speaking sense. We'll see how the trip goes next month.

Thanks everyone!

[heartmug]

Glad to hear it!

[weeblewobble]

She actually told me, "I'm like anticipation more than reality. When are you going to get pregnant again?" I'm SO SO SO glad I wasn't dealing with that immediately after childbirth.

Your MIL was definitely in the wrong and showed herself to be a real twit with that comment.  But a teeny-tiny-teeensiest part of me sort of empathizes with her about the "pregnancy over birth" preference.

Not that I don't love my kids or enjoy their baby years, but I'm just having this flashback of a family dinner in which SIL and several aunts and uncles were grilling me about my work and daycare plans after my DD's birth, and then informing me of what THEY planned re: outings with and discipline of my daughter.  My SIL, who I would not entrust with the care of an ant farm, informed me that she planned on using time-outs on my infant, unless they didn't work and then she would progress to "light spanking."* 

I just remember sitting there thinking, "I wish there was a way to keep her inside.  She's safe and warm now, and as soon as I give birth, she's going to be exposed to these whackos."

*Once I recovered from my shock, I informed SIL that disciplining my child wouldn't be an issue for her, because DD wouldn't be left in her care. 

[Jocelyn]

Guys, thank you! I'm very different from my fil. He once took my sister in law shopping for honeymoon underwear and everyone was ok with that. Me, I'd be freaked out if my dad did that. The most personal my dad and I got was him getting me a cup of tea if I told him I had 'monthly pains'. Then ran away. :

Smart man.

A smarter man would have also brought a big box of chocolate.