Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."

Death and people putting their feet in their mouths....

<< < (4/5) > >>

Midnight Kitty:

--- Quote from: gingerzing on June 18, 2012, 05:36:49 PM ---
--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on June 18, 2012, 04:16:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: MariaE on June 18, 2012, 01:09:40 AM ---I thought you were overreacting to the first comment, but with the second, I definitely don't. I'll give her the benefit of doubt that she means well, but this really comes across as "this is all about ME!".

--- End quote ---
I think I missed something; Where was the second comment?  I only saw "My grandpa is dying of cancer, so I know the pain." in Bottlecaps's initial post.

--- End quote ---

Bottlecaps had another comment #8 of the girl taking BC's letter to put with Pawpaw and made it all about her giving her letter to her grandfather. 
--- End quote ---
D'oh! <forehead slap> I totally missed that part.  Thanks for cluing me in.

I think she's trying to empathize with BC.  She may be awkward and a bit socially inept, but I think her heart is in the right place.  When someone is grieving, it's hard to see past one's own pain.  In fact, it (our grief) becomes the filter through which one views everything.

kareng57:

--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on June 18, 2012, 06:16:07 PM ---
--- Quote from: gingerzing on June 18, 2012, 05:36:49 PM ---
--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on June 18, 2012, 04:16:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: MariaE on June 18, 2012, 01:09:40 AM ---I thought you were overreacting to the first comment, but with the second, I definitely don't. I'll give her the benefit of doubt that she means well, but this really comes across as "this is all about ME!".

--- End quote ---
I think I missed something; Where was the second comment?  I only saw "My grandpa is dying of cancer, so I know the pain." in Bottlecaps's initial post.

--- End quote ---

Bottlecaps had another comment #8 of the girl taking BC's letter to put with Pawpaw and made it all about her giving her letter to her grandfather. 
--- End quote ---
D'oh! <forehead slap> I totally missed that part.  Thanks for cluing me in.

I think she's trying to empathize with BC.  She may be awkward and a bit socially inept, but I think her heart is in the right place.  When someone is grieving, it's hard to see past one's own pain.  In fact, it (our grief) becomes the filter through which one views everything.

--- End quote ---

I too see this more as empathising rather than a hijack attempt.  People who know that they will be facing a close-relative's death in a few months often feel that they are in a sort of community with others who are recently bereaved - plus, I gather that the OP and her friend are still quite young and don't have a lot of experience with this.

Re my own experience - I lost my husband a few months ago, and while it wasn't sudden (he'd been ill for the better part of a year), we did get the "terminal" diagnosis about two weeks prior.  I have an acquaintance who learned that her husband was terminally ill a few months ago although he does have some time left. She sometimes asks me questions about how I dealt with this-or-that and I'm fine to answer; I don't think that she's trying to horn-in on my grief at all.

Bottlecaps:

--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on June 18, 2012, 06:16:07 PM ---
--- Quote from: gingerzing on June 18, 2012, 05:36:49 PM ---
--- Quote from: Midnight Kitty on June 18, 2012, 04:16:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: MariaE on June 18, 2012, 01:09:40 AM ---I thought you were overreacting to the first comment, but with the second, I definitely don't. I'll give her the benefit of doubt that she means well, but this really comes across as "this is all about ME!".

--- End quote ---
I think I missed something; Where was the second comment?  I only saw "My grandpa is dying of cancer, so I know the pain." in Bottlecaps's initial post.

--- End quote ---

Bottlecaps had another comment #8 of the girl taking BC's letter to put with Pawpaw and made it all about her giving her letter to her grandfather. 
--- End quote ---
D'oh! <forehead slap> I totally missed that part.  Thanks for cluing me in.

I think she's trying to empathize with BC.  She may be awkward and a bit socially inept, but I think her heart is in the right place.  When someone is grieving, it's hard to see past one's own pain.  In fact, it (our grief) becomes the filter through which one views everything.

--- End quote ---

And I think that might be why it hit such a nerve with me, because everything (not just this, but absolutely everything) is currently being viewed through the dull, gray-scale filter of grief.

And kareng57, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. :(

Shalamar:

--- Quote ---She didn't say something like "I know how you feel, my hamster died six months ago". 
--- End quote ---

I had a coworker who did this!   When my coworker friend Dan lost his father, Donkey Coworker said "I know how you feel, my dog died".   :o

BeagleMommy:
Bottlecaps, I have no advice, but I'm sorry for your loss.

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