Father's Day: which dad wins?

[Sharnita]

Why on earth would you assume the responses would be any different for Mother's Day

[Sophia]

I can symphatize with the OP's husband.  My first Mother's Day as a Mother of a then 9-month-old, I was very pressured into going over to my parent's house with my husband and daughter.  They live an hour away, and visits usually involve the entire weekend.  I was very grumpy. 
This last Mother's Day (my second) I stayed blissfully at home and the next weekend we went over to my parent's house.  All my mom cares about is that it is an oppurtunity to command my/our presence, so the next weekend was fine with her. 

[Judah]

I'm surprised by these answers because  I have a feeling that it would be a completely different response if she was posting about Mother's Day and  stated that SHE didn't get along with her MIL and she told her DH that he had to choose between her and his MOM I have a feeling that  a lot of you would be telling her that her DH should be putting her first not his Mother and I think that the same holds true with this situation,  but since its Father's Day then it would be ok for her to ell her DH that she can;t choose and if he doesn't get along with her father then he should just celebrate with his kid because she going to spend time with her dad because that more important that her husband.

You'd be wrong about that.  My answer would be the same.  I am not DH mother so, when she was alive DH spent Mother's Day with his mother and I organized a multi-generational celebration for all the mothers in my family, same as I do now.

[bopper]

Now that you are married, it should be your DH first.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

Why on earth would you assume the responses would be any different for Mother's Day

 Because they would and if a poster stated that her husband neglected her to spend Mother's Day with his Mom instead of her then other people would be telling her how wrong the Husband was not saying that if is his Mom so she should be ok with it

[Outdoor Girl]

I advocated spending time with her father and her husband.  Were it a man, I would advocate the same thing - spend some time with his mother and his wife.

The situation described in the OP was her father was in town, which wasn't usual and she wouldn't ordinarily get the chance to spend time with her father on Father's Day.  So for her husband to be pissy about her wanting to share one meal with her father was totally not on, as far as I'm concerned.  And if my hypothetical husband wanted to spend part of Mother's Day with his mother, I wouldn't be bothered at all, as long as we got to spend part of the day together.  Bonus for me if he took any hypothetical children with him to visit MIL - I'd get some time to myself for a nice bath or whatever else I wanted to do.

[Sharnita]

I think the majority of people advocated for sharing the day and if one person objected, penalizing that person - whoever it was.

FWIW, I did bring up Mother's Day and when OP said her husband does indeed acknowledge his mom on Mother's Day I indicated that he seems to have a double standard in claiming that Father's Day is his holiday only.

[fluffy]

Why on earth would you assume the responses would be any different for Mother's Day

 Because they would and if a poster stated that her husband neglected her to spend Mother's Day with his Mom instead of her then other people would be telling her how wrong the Husband was not saying that if is his Mom so she should be ok with it

I'm not a huge fan of my MIL. I'm also currently about 8 months pregnant.

I told my husband that my Mother's Day gift for next year is that I don't want to have to deal with my MIL. That doesn't mean that he shouldn't see his Mom, he'll still go over there. I just want to be left at home in peace! :p

So, I *am* in the reverse situation and I am advocating the same plan of action for myself as people are urging for the OP.

[Girlie]

In a marriage relationship, your first responsibility is to your spouse. The whole "leave and cleave" thing if you want to look at it that way.

That doesn't mean that you can't be upset with your spouse if they put you in this type of sitatuon. Indeed, your spouse should also be putting YOUR needs first and realize that you need time with the others in your life whom you also love. They should be able to share.

Alas, no one is perfect, including husbands, and just because they make a bad call in this sort of situation doesn't negate your original responsibility to put them first.

[Sharnita]

I don't know - I guess ot me part of that responsibility would be helping them work through logic and reason.  I don't think catering to them and giving in to selfishness is actually doing them a kindness.  If they are acknowledging their parent on the appropariate day then pointing tht out and doing the same for your parent so you can teach your kids kind ness and rspect for all is what you owe your spouse, not continuing to shore up the delusion that they are then end all be all of Father's Day.