General Etiquette > Life...in general

You can't sing

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Bethalize:
I belong to an amateur vocal collective. There is no audition to get in and you don't need to read music to participate. This year one man joined and could not sing. By that I mean he could not carry a tune, he could not pick up rhythm correctly, he could not even hold a single long note, and he could not sing the a tune when 50 other people were singing exactly the same thing. I don't mean singing the wrong part in a four part harmony, I mean singing something that is not a proper note. The musical director was  informed about this and knew it simply from listening but chose to do nothing, hoping that this person would not do too much damage to the sound.

On the day of the big concert that we had been working towards for six months (I took singing lessons and lost weight! It was a really big, high profile deal) there were changes in the staging that meant I ended up being the person on his right. Usually he is on the end of the third row behind most of us. This time he was in the second row, and despite my protests to the person doing the last minute staging,  next to me. The person on his other side is IMHO the least musical person in that section and is apparently unbothered by this. My entire section was aware of this problem, but I was the one musically able to cope with him (apart from the person doing the staging who wasn't about to give up her front row spot to take on the responsibility!) so I felt unable to demand someone else take my place.

My concert was ruined. Instead of being able to join in an amazing musical experience I constantly had the vocal equivalent of a car alarm in my ear. I could not do what I usually do and become part of the music because of this constant, painful sound. Everyone else had a wonderful time, but I nearly burst into tears on stage by the second half. I worked so hard for six months and I was cheated of the thing that makes it all worthwhile. I feel especially badly because I was very clear with the musical director months ago in saying this person could not keep a tune and that it was a problem for those of us who had to stand next to him, and that I would suggest that he was similar to someone who was actually asked to leave, so there was no way she didn't know.  I think the musical director shied away from conflict and I paid for that. Seriously, I cried after, when I went to bed and again several times today. I never, ever cry. I'm a very chilled, centred person who doesn't emotionally over-invest in things (lesson learned a while ago!) and my section were all very sympathetic but very glad it wasn't them who took the brunt of this. Yes, they did say that.

My etiquette question is this: Should a musical director ask people to leave if they are unable to sing in time and in tune? Even if they were allowed in without audition? I think this is like asking someone to leave a swimming team when they can't swim, even if they can dog paddle a width or too, or to leave a book club when they can't read. Tolerating these people when they show no signs of improvement is, to me, putting their feelings over those of everyone else. I feel that Geek Social Fallacies should be required reading, but I need a reality check before I say anything. Or was it right that someone should have to accommodate his inability and sacrifice their good experience? That's really how I see it. I'm keeping stum at the moment because all my peers can do is feel bad for me or guilty but relieved it wasn't them, but it sticks in my throat when everyone else is raving about how wonderful their night was and friends are asking me if I had a wonderful time. I can't bring myself to go to the next (informal) performance and I will quit if this person is not dealt with, but is it polite of me to point out that I suffered because the musical director did not act?

NyaChan:
I think you could phrase it as being your problem and ask to be placed away from that person.  I will admit that if I hear someone who is really off (and we had one in our choir as well) it throws my voice off as well - have to fight to keep the true sound in my ear while tuning out the discordant notes.  Tell her that you can't handle standing next to that person because hearing them sing is throwing your own singing off.  Say that you would hate to add to the problem by singing the wrong notes, and that you need to be moved somewhere else to prevent a reoccurrence.  Perhaps ask the person who used to stand next to him and didn't mind if they will agree to standing by him again & if they agree, offer that as an alternative to the director to having you stand next to the tone-deaf guy.

poundcake:
Can Tone-Deaf Guy be reassigned a role in the group? Perhaps he can play that very important triangle note at the end of the piece. It's a very important part.  >:D

Sharnita:
Does this group have a mission statement of some sort?  I think that might make a difference.  In a church I think people are exhorted to make a joyful noise so in that case I think that it would be out of line to say anything - one doesn't have to be in tune or on time to be joyful.  Look for a mission statement and if one exists ask yourself how this situation falls in line with the statement.

Roe:
Answer: No.  Not if it's the policy of the group to let in anyone who wants to participate. 

My suggestion to you is to find a musical group that has auditions and is more selective over who they let join.  Good luck! 

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