Author Topic: Cute or Annoying? UPDATES pg 3,4  (Read 17142 times)

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Arianoor

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #45 on: June 21, 2012, 11:25:36 AM »
Sounded like he was lonely to me, the kind of guy that wants a girlfriend to have someone to share everything with. I tend to steer away from people like that since they can be super-clingy. I like having some alonetime, and if i wanted to be worrying about whether something could cope for 30 minutes without me id get a puppy :D

I think you nailed it. Now that I think about it, during our date he didn't talk much about himself besides his ideas for future plans for us, which now makes me think that he's waiting for a girlfriend for his life to begin.

Whoa!  Hold your horses!  He discussed furture plans for the two of you on your *first* date?  Serious creepy/clingy.  I'm glad you politely cancelled the second date.

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whiterose

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #46 on: June 21, 2012, 12:01:51 PM »
Sounded like he was lonely to me, the kind of guy that wants a girlfriend to have someone to share everything with. I tend to steer away from people like that since they can be super-clingy. I like having some alonetime, and if i wanted to be worrying about whether something could cope for 30 minutes without me id get a puppy :D

I think you nailed it. Now that I think about it, during our date he didn't talk much about himself besides his ideas for future plans for us, which now makes me think that he's waiting for a girlfriend for his life to begin.

I do not know if he realizes this or not. But the most appealing, interesting, and alluring trait any person can have is to have somewhere to go and something to do. He needs to start doing something for himself- going to a gym, taking music lessons, you name it. Then he will have a life- and something interesting to offer any future women he dates.
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Nebraska Jones

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #47 on: June 21, 2012, 12:51:37 PM »
I know a lot of posters are saying it would be cute if you liked him but I disagree.  If I just started dating someone I thought I really liked and they did this I would take a big step back.  I guess I may be too independent and smother easily.  :D

I would also not know how to respond to his texts.  Saying just "okay" feels kind of snotty but what else can you say?  "Have fun watching TV!"  "Yes, melons are good."  "I like lawns."  Ha ha, sorry about the last one.  I really couldn't come up with a thing for the lawn one.  There's just no substance to these texts and they just come one after another (without a response from OP mind you). 

Obviously, I vote it as annoying. 

OP, I think you did the best thing.  Good for you to not feel like you had to just go on "just one more date."   :D
« Last Edit: June 21, 2012, 01:06:26 PM by LittleBlueBird »

blarg314

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #48 on: June 21, 2012, 09:55:04 PM »
Sounded like he was lonely to me, the kind of guy that wants a girlfriend to have someone to share everything with. I tend to steer away from people like that since they can be super-clingy. I like having some alonetime, and if i wanted to be worrying about whether something could cope for 30 minutes without me id get a puppy :D

I think you nailed it. Now that I think about it, during our date he didn't talk much about himself besides his ideas for future plans for us, which now makes me think that he's waiting for a girlfriend for his life to begin.

That would creep me out *way* more than dull text messages. Put it together with the messages, and what you've got is a guy who has a girlfriend shaped hole in his life, and wants something to put in it. He doesn't much care *who* it is, as long as it's female and dating him. And it also indicates someone who doesn't realize or care that the person he's dating is a, well, person, with likes and dislikes and thoughts and goals and a daily life of their own. Ick.


Reason

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #49 on: June 22, 2012, 02:27:01 PM »
It's a shame that he probably won't learn from this experience because he will not know what he did wrong. Of course you are certainly not required to tell him. It would be difficult to do so without coming off as preachy anyhow. I think you handled it well.

Calypso

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #50 on: June 22, 2012, 06:21:07 PM »
It's a shame that he probably won't learn from this experience because he will not know what he did wrong. Of course you are certainly not required to tell him. It would be difficult to do so without coming off as preachy anyhow. I think you handled it well.

Reason, as a guy, let me ask you this: if you were in TextGuy's shoes, would you appreciate a kindly-worded heads up, something along the lines of "you seem like a nice guy, so if you want, I can tell you what put me off about you, and maybe it'll help you next time you meet someone."

Of course, the woman in the situation would have to be very, very clear that she's not saying "fix this and I'll date you." If that *could* be made clear, would it be a helpful or a rude thing to tell him why his approach isn't working?

mbbored

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Re: Cute or Annoying?
« Reply #51 on: June 24, 2012, 05:53:48 PM »
UPDATE

So, since I started this, he called once (while I was at work!) and then texted me yet again about his day. So that makes 4 texts and a phone call in 36 hours, without a response for me. I must confess, I was a chicken and deleted the voicemail without listening to it.

After he called, I emailed him and said that he was a nice guy, but that we were looking for different things in relationships, so I was cancelling our next date. I then wished him the best of luck in his quest for the perfect woman.

UPDATE Part 2:

I got an email from him at 3 am today saying he was confused. He thought our date went really well. Could I explain what I meant by wanting different things?

And no, I'm not going to respond. We had 1 date, I don't plan on starting a debate with him on what I want in a relationship.

Shea

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #52 on: June 24, 2012, 06:27:44 PM »
I know a lot of posters are saying it would be cute if you liked him but I disagree.  If I just started dating someone I thought I really liked and they did this I would take a big step back.  I guess I may be too independent and smother easily.  :D

Me too. I'm not even in that kind of contact with my boyfriend. I think you did the right thing by cancelling your date, OP, and you're doing the right thing by not responding to his second email. You've already given him an explanation, he's not owed more after only one date.


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wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #53 on: June 24, 2012, 06:40:34 PM »
That is too clingy for a first date, unless you are 14, verging on creepy.

I could only imagine what he would be like if you moved to a more serious level.

There seems to be a lot of warning signs of what would be to come if you kept seeing him.

Tilt Fairy

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATE pg 3
« Reply #54 on: June 24, 2012, 06:43:37 PM »
I agree. Too clingy. This isn't a job interview. You don't need to give him any feedback on what he did to creep you out so he learns for next time. I wouldn't text him back either.

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: Cute or Annoying?
« Reply #55 on: June 24, 2012, 07:46:30 PM »
UPDATE

So, since I started this, he called once (while I was at work!) and then texted me yet again about his day. So that makes 4 texts and a phone call in 36 hours, without a response for me. I must confess, I was a chicken and deleted the voicemail without listening to it.

After he called, I emailed him and said that he was a nice guy, but that we were looking for different things in relationships, so I was cancelling our next date. I then wished him the best of luck in his quest for the perfect woman.

UPDATE Part 2:

I got an email from him at 3 am today saying he was confused. He thought our date went really well. Could I explain what I meant by wanting different things?

And no, I'm not going to respond. We had 1 date, I don't plan on starting a debate with him on what I want in a relationship.

Oooh so many red flags with this person.

blarg314

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATES pg 3,4
« Reply #56 on: June 24, 2012, 09:07:59 PM »

With most of the behaviour, I"d chalk it up to cluelessness, where maybe a bit of advice would help.

But when you add in the fact that he thought that discussing his long term plans for the two of you on the first date was good behaviour, this is either creepy, or clueless to an extent that advice isn't likely to penetrate.

It's a tricky thing, though, offering advice for well meaning but clueless-creepy dating behaviour. A friend can do it if they know about it - I can remember one case  where it was a nice guy, not that experienced, who was trying hard to get dates. When discussing his dating attempts with friends he had it pointed out very vigorously by the women in the group that  when chatting someone up "Want to come back to my place for coffee" was likely going to be interpreted as "Want to go and have sex with me" and was going to scare the woman off. And even if she didn't interpret it that way, going to the apartment of someone you've randomly met isn't the kind of thing that's all that safe. He genuinely didn't realize that - all he thought was that they could go back to his place, have a cup of coffee and chat.

But quite often friends don't see how someone acts on a date. Only their date does, and if they're scaring people off and can't put things together to figure out why, it can take some time to figure out how to change their approach.

Raintree

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATES pg 3,4
« Reply #57 on: June 25, 2012, 12:29:51 AM »
Yeesh, emailing to further question why you don't want a second date? Maybe he's hoping you'll tell him what different thing it is that you want, so that he can say, "No, no....you misunderstood! I want that too!!"

Maybe you'd be doing him a favour by saying, "Look, I thought you were nice enough and although I was willing to try a second date, I still needed time to make up my mind about you. But three texts over the course of the following day when I hadn't had time to respond to any of them, only served to make me feel smothered and lose interest altogether. I am only offering you this insight so you know for the next person you date. I wish you all the best in your search."

After all, he did ask, right? So he should be prepared for whatever answer he gets. But I in no way mean to imply that you have any obligation at all to answer. He may be overly eager and clueless, or he may be a creepy stalker guy, in which case any response at all is probably a bad idea.

I do believe some of the "rules" of dating have some validity, the first being that you should never appear too eager without some kind of reciprocation of that eagerness from the other party.

Lauren

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Re: Cute or Annoying? UPDATES pg 3,4
« Reply #58 on: June 25, 2012, 07:16:32 AM »
Quote
Maybe you'd be doing him a favour by saying, "Look, I thought you were nice enough and although I was willing to try a second date, I still needed time to make up my mind about you. But three texts over the course of the following day when I hadn't had time to respond to any of them, only served to make me feel smothered and lose interest altogether. I am only offering you this insight so you know for the next person you date. I wish you all the best in your search."

I favour this approach. Finished with something like 'Please do not contact me again'

TheVapors

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Re: Cute or Annoying?
« Reply #59 on: June 25, 2012, 07:54:54 AM »
UPDATE

So, since I started this, he called once (while I was at work!) and then texted me yet again about his day. So that makes 4 texts and a phone call in 36 hours, without a response for me. I must confess, I was a chicken and deleted the voicemail without listening to it.

After he called, I emailed him and said that he was a nice guy, but that we were looking for different things in relationships, so I was cancelling our next date. I then wished him the best of luck in his quest for the perfect woman.

UPDATE Part 2:

I got an email from him at 3 am today saying he was confused. He thought our date went really well. Could I explain what I meant by wanting different things?

And no, I'm not going to respond. We had 1 date, I don't plan on starting a debate with him on what I want in a relationship.


Yikes. Now he just sounds desperate. And, no, don't waste your time replying. He's probably just looking for any opening to keep talking. You already nicely explained you weren't feeling it, and wished him well. Hands washed.

Edited: Fixed my quote mushiness.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2012, 05:49:38 PM by TheVapors »