Author Topic: don't bend over in that dress  (Read 8112 times)

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TootsNYC

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don't bend over in that dress
« on: June 18, 2012, 01:08:37 PM »
a younger colleague of mine is wearing a really short dress today. i just looked up from my desk to see her at someone else's desk, leaning over to look at what they're working on. And I can see her underwear and her cheeks.

Should I tell her?

I thought of sending her an email, so she'll get it at her desk in private.

or should I not say anything?

WillyNilly

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2012, 01:09:53 PM »
I would tell her in a really discreet way if I was sure she was unaware.  And especially since she's young, she really might be unaware. 

siamesecat2965

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2012, 01:29:53 PM »
I would also discreetly mention to her what you saw...just for her own good.  She may very well not be aware when she bends over she flashes people.

redberry

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2012, 02:45:59 PM »
She may very well not be aware when she bends over she flashes people.

Ah siamesecat you are kinder than I...I think there is no chance that she is not aware. If it were Evilberry she was within hearing distance of and she bent over I'd clap my hands over my face and repeatedly moan, 'oh my eyes...my eyes"...

OP, try saying something to her discreetly, but I believe it will have no effect.

JustRhon

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2012, 02:57:49 PM »
Please mention it to her.  I am extremely long legged and when I was younger I would often forget not to bend from the waist. I would always check the length when I sort of squatted but it never failed that I would bend from the waist and provide a free show.

sweetonsno

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2012, 03:45:12 PM »
I imagine that she's not aware that she's flashing people. I'd let her know that she needs to crouch/bend at the knees rather than bend at the waist. Chances are that the dress is too short to be appropriate for the office anyway. Sometimes, younger people confuse "looking nice" with "looking sexy."

BeagleMommy

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2012, 03:59:01 PM »
I say pull her aside and discreetly tell her that she's giving the office a view she might not want them to see.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2012, 04:09:42 PM »
I wouldnt mention this in any recordable manner (ie email). I'd discreetly tell her in private.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

bah12

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2012, 04:15:19 PM »
She may very well not be aware when she bends over she flashes people.

Ah siamesecat you are kinder than I...I think there is no chance that she is not aware. If it were Evilberry she was within hearing distance of and she bent over I'd clap my hands over my face and repeatedly moan, 'oh my eyes...my eyes"...

OP, try saying something to her discreetly, but I believe it will have no effect.

Why do you feel this way?  I'd highly doubt she wore the dress to work thinking she would give everyone a "view". As a young person, I would assume that she thought the dress was stylish and wore it to work not realizing that it also looks unprofessional and potentially embarrassing. 

I actually think saying something to her discreetly will help.

Yvaine

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2012, 04:29:12 PM »
She may very well not be aware when she bends over she flashes people.

Ah siamesecat you are kinder than I...I think there is no chance that she is not aware. If it were Evilberry she was within hearing distance of and she bent over I'd clap my hands over my face and repeatedly moan, 'oh my eyes...my eyes"...

OP, try saying something to her discreetly, but I believe it will have no effect.

Why do you feel this way?  I'd highly doubt she wore the dress to work thinking she would give everyone a "view". As a young person, I would assume that she thought the dress was stylish and wore it to work not realizing that it also looks unprofessional and potentially embarrassing. 

I actually think saying something to her discreetly will help.

Agreed. Why jump to uncharitable conclusions? I had a moment myself a few years ago when I realized how much static was generated by the combination of my new dress and my office chair (it stayed decent--but probably just because it was knee length to begin with!)

QueenofAllThings

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2012, 04:33:10 PM »
I'm thinking you need to teach her the Bunny Dip. Back in the day, the Bunnies at the Playboy Club were taught to never bend over to serve a drink, but to bend at the knee instead (do not ask how I know these things).

It is a piece of advice that is useful whether the garment is a short dress or a low cut top. I am no longer of the age when anyone wants to see what I'm flashing, so I make good use of the Bunny Dip when necessary.

Oh Joy

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2012, 04:40:17 PM »
Here's the way I see it: either she's doing it on purpose or she doesn't know what the feeling of that draft means.  What's the worst that happens if you tell her?  If she's doing it on purpose, it will go over her head.  If she doesn't know, it will be embarassing today but not in the future (as she corrects it). 

You're probably at the end of the workday, but I vote for a gentle mention.

TootsNYC

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2012, 05:15:26 PM »
Knowing her, I'm sure she didn't mean to flash people.

I sent an email that simply said, "don't bend over in that dress."
She emailed back, and I think she wasn't offended or anything.

I'm curious about why someone thought it was a bad idea to say anything in a trackable way.

I picked email because it was the ONLY discreet way. We sit in cubicles, and people would be able to hear me if I called, and we'd have to talk in low tones her desk, which would actually be noticeable.

PastryGoddess

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2012, 10:37:06 PM »
I was that girl a few years ago.  I wore pants that were too tight, skirts that were too short,and tops that didn't cover my belly all the way.  I "thought" that I was being grown up and fashionable, since these were the things I saw in the magazines as "work appropriate".  It wasn't until a very nice executive secretary sat me down and explained that I was doing myself a disservice, that I realized that my "cool" clothes were not work appropriate. She gave me tips I still use to be on trend and yet still professional.

sweetonsno

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Re: don't bend over in that dress
« Reply #14 on: June 18, 2012, 10:52:56 PM »
Knowing her, I'm sure she didn't mean to flash people.

I sent an email that simply said, "don't bend over in that dress."
She emailed back, and I think she wasn't offended or anything.

I'm curious about why someone thought it was a bad idea to say anything in a trackable way.

I picked email because it was the ONLY discreet way. We sit in cubicles, and people would be able to hear me if I called, and we'd have to talk in low tones her desk, which would actually be noticeable.

While that wasn't my comment, I can think of a couple of good reasons to keep that sort of thing off of email:
1. If email is monitored and someone from HR saw it, your coworker could possibly get reprimanded by HR/get something on her record. (Obviously, this depends on the office environment. If you're very laid-back, chances are she'd just get a reminder not to wear that dress.) Because it's clear that you don't want to get her in trouble, inadvertently letting HR know might be a problem.
2. It's tough to say "you flash people when you bend over in that dress" without admitting that you were looking at, well, what they were flashing. It's possible that your comment could be misconstrued and make her uncomfortable. An email could wind up getting you in trouble if it wasn't worded properly.

It sounds like you handled it well. I'm glad you clued her in. There are a lot of things that we (general) are expected to know about professionalism that aren't necessarily obvious until we've been in the environment.