Author Topic: Using With Mother of Bride  (Read 7230 times)

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Delia DeLyons

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Using With Mother of Bride
« on: June 27, 2012, 07:55:34 AM »
I am a bridesmaid for one of my best friends.  We (the bridal party) held her shower over Memorial Day weekend.  Bride lives 4+ hours from her hometown (where shower was held with majority of guests as her female relatives). We bridesmaids are invited to a subsequent shower being held by Bride's coworkers/friends in her current town.  3 of the 6 of the bridal party are going, to include myself, the Maid of Honor, and another friend (A).  Since it is such a long trip, and in a great winery town, my boyfriend (who is good friends with both bride and groom) is coming along. We are driving up the day before the shower (Friday), and are staying (in a hotel) until Sunday (our 1 yr anniversary :-) )

Maid of Honor (MOH) and other Friend (A), are not driving up until Saturday, departing hometown @ 8am to arrive in time for shower @ 1pm.  Mother of Bride (MOB) just texted me to ask if I would be joining she and the shower's hostesses for decorating set up Saturday morning @ 9am.

My problem with this is that (1.) I am an invited guest to the party (2.) MOB is not a hostess or coordinator of this party (3.) I have taken exhaustive roles in coordinating/executing/financing a  Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party already. (4.) MOH and A won't even be arriving until just before shower begins (hopefully!) and will not be expected to do any set up.

So, I know I'm starting to sound like a whine bag (as my boyfriend would say) but dagnabbit, I don't want to roped into yet more duties for a party hosted by people I haven't even met before (I have good reason to assume that they never even suggested we the bridal party or the MOB assist with set up... MOB just likes to have say in everything, and likely just insisted) . Although, I will add that I'll be more than happy to stay after to help clean up. So, after having a mini-brain explosion at the idea of having to nearly host yet another shower, I stopped, thought, and replied: "Actually, BF and I have plans for that morning. I'll be @ Bride's house around 12 to join she, MOH and A in ridng to party. Looking forward to it!"  I didn't mention our plans are of the snuggly, sleep-in variety. :-)   

MINOR UPDATE:  MOB replied, "OK, we'll talk Friday night." So, I may need to reinforce that it "won't be possible", and anticipate she may inquire what my plans are with BF that will keep me from helping with set up.  I'm not going to sweat over it too much though... I think it could easily be answered with a loving glance towards BF (who she has known since he was a kid) and say "Oh..just...stuff."  ;-)  She'll likely do a dramatic eyeroll and respond "Sorry I asked!"  But hey, it's our anniversary weekend, too, here.  I am pleased to have been thought of for an invite to the shower, but never until this moment was I made aware of any strings attched to that invite (which was issued back in May).

Edited to put all the paragraphs into one post. -Ticia-
« Last Edit: June 27, 2012, 11:11:39 AM by Ticia »
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BeagleMommy

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2012, 09:32:29 AM »
Good for you for not giving an excuse.  Plans are plans.  If she presses you for details you can just say "It just won't be possible.  See you at 12:00.".

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2012, 01:34:04 PM »
Thanks so much Ticia! And thank you, too, BeagleMommy :-) Should be a nice weekend!!!!
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

TheVapors

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2012, 01:44:43 PM »
Keep rolling out that "It won't be possible"! Great job with it so far. I'm sure you'll have a grand weekend ^^

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2012, 02:53:08 PM »
. . .
MOB replied, "OK, we'll talk Friday night." So, I may need to reinforce that it "won't be possible", and anticipate she may inquire what my plans are with BF that will keep me from helping with set up. . . .
Why does she think you'll talk Friday night?  If she's planning to call you, you don't need to answer.  You forgot to charge your cell phone or something.

Surely no one would be so clueless as to ask what plans you and BF have for Saturday morning.  But just in case, I suggest just saying that you're celebrating your anniversary, 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2012, 04:37:43 PM »
MOB will be @ Bride & Groom's house Friday night, where we'll all be hanging out and catching up.  FOB will be there too. They are staying with B&G Thurs night to Tuesday. 
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

Kaypeep

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2012, 04:53:36 PM »
Do not answer any calls or texts from her.  As you pointed out, you are not the hosts of this party.  You are a guest.  I'm sure you may want to lend a hand when you get there, assist the BTB with gift opening and games, but otherwise you don't need to be there.  Hold firm!

Hmmmmm

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2012, 04:59:12 PM »
MOB may not have realized you had plans and thought offering for you to come by and help would give you something to do.  I don't see any malice in her saying we'll talk on Friday since she knew she'd see you on Friday. 

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2012, 10:26:14 PM »
MOB:Well what are your plans, because you know this is way more important than anything you have planned because this is all about the bride. blahblahblah...

You:Well, actually I don't know, BF says it's a surprise, and to let you know he will make sure I am at the designated are at designated time.

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2012, 06:31:29 PM »
There is certainly no malice in MOBs reply that we'll talk Friday - that can be taken @ face value as it is a fact, yes.  But due to the closeness of our (BF & I) relationship with this family (we've known them long before we met each other - they actually set us up) topics such as "What are your plans that will keep you from helping?" are sure to crop up.  I genuinely love MOB; however we do not share the same viewpoints on -well - *most* things. So, where she prides herself on getting involved in absolutely everything going on around her, I am more the type to anticipate quiet moments where I don't have any obligations.  Where she would see my viewpoint as negative, I see both sides as perfectly valid, but different. So I know I can't explain to her my reason for not wanting to be overly involved in Shower #2, which is why I instead will use the shutdown phrase and also, bean dip and often. :-)   
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Using With Mother of Bride
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2012, 06:43:36 PM »
BF will probably throw me under the bus anyways though, as his brain to mouth filter doesn't... Exist? So he'd think "everyone will get a kick out of it!" when he says 'Oh, you know she just wants to sleep in and cuddle me!'  I'm still working on a "signal" with him to change course in the middle of something I might deem, er, inappropriate to the situation.  Just mentioning for added texture to the story... I don't need ettiquette advice with him, as he does not speak that language ;-) (Example, he asked my Grandmother, and I quote: "I know your hair's white now, but what color did it used to be?")  But so help me, he is a wonderful man... Probably in part thanks to his failure to recognize some of these socially/traditionally/needlessly(?) imposed boundaries... He is just a great genuine guy ... Ok, very sorry... end gush!         ETA: My Grama loves him, too. :-)
« Last Edit: June 28, 2012, 06:58:38 PM by Delia DeLyons »
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...