S/O Dealing with people who give out your contact details

[Pippen]

There have been a couple of threads lately around the uncomfortable positions people get caught in after other have given their contact numbers to third parties. I have had the misfortune of having this happen to me on a number of occasions and have been pretty peeved about it.

Is it rude to point out how presumptuous they were to do this? On one occasion the woman who gave out my number saw me months later and asked if I had changed my number and if she could have my new one. I let her know I had changed it due to the dreadful person she had given it to and the hassle it had caused me. She seemed genuinely surprised it was an issue. I felt pretty bad as she is a nice person, but I feel she had seriously misjudged or been misled about the intentions of the person she gave the information too.

If I had given her the full rundown of exactly what happened she would have been pretty unhappy and felt even worse. But by me refusing to give her my new contact details she now thinks I am a drama queen. So what do you do? Provide scant details of the impact their actions had and have them think you are a nutter, or full disclosure of the situation and have them feel like a fool?

[ddawn23]

You don't owe her an explanation.  If you'd rather not tell the story and as a result she thinks you're a drama queen, so be it.  However, if you do let her know how her actions have caused actual damage she might think twice next time she considers giving away an acquaintance's contact information.

[TheVapors]

For how it was described it doesn't seem that the issue would come up again with the friend. So, it might as well be left as is. Let her think you're a drama queen. Better that than handing her over your contact info and having it fly free into the wind.

In the future, and hopefully it will never happen again, I don't see a problem with a brief explanation of the story. The juicy bits, if you will. I don't find it odd or rude if you were to choose to tell her about the consequences of having your information handed out to someone you didn't know. If she feels bad, well, ya know... sometimes we get to feel bad about things in order to remember never to do them again. And you aren't necessarily telling her that she should feel bad, but rather warning her of what happened in your situation.

[Pippen]

For how it was described it doesn't seem that the issue would come up again with the friend. So, it might as well be left as is. Let her think you're a drama queen. Better that than handing her over your contact info and having it fly free into the wind.

In the future, and hopefully it will never happen again, I don't see a problem with a brief explanation of the story. The juicy bits, if you will. I don't find it odd or rude if you were to choose to tell her about the consequences of having your information handed out to someone you didn't know. If she feels bad, well, ya know... sometimes we get to feel bad about things in order to remember never to do them again. And you aren't necessarily telling her that she should feel bad, but rather warning her of what happened in your situation.

I just think she took this person at face value and thought 'Oh I know who you should talk to!' Networking gone wrong on so many levels. An actual friend did something similar to me and she got a very angry call asking her what on earth she thought she was doing directing lunatics in my direction. She explained and I forgave her (just) and dealt with it the situation she had put me in. It is a bit harder with people you don't know as well. You can't quite speak to them in the way you can with someone you know well. You want to give them what for, but have to cut them some slack.

[Sharnita]

was your explanantion enough for her to know not to hand out naybody else's info?  I would give her all the scoop if it meant saving somebody else form the hassle.  If she has already figured out not to give info out, especially to this person I wouldn't tell her any more.

[SleepyKitty]

An actual friend did something similar to me and she got a very angry call asking her what on earth she thought she was doing directing lunatics in my direction. She explained and I forgave her (just) and dealt with it the situation she had put me in. It is a bit harder with people you don't know as well. You can't quite speak to them in the way you can with someone you know well. You want to give them what for, but have to cut them some slack.

It's funny, but I always felt the exact opposite - I would cut a friend some slack in this situation, since I already know them to be in general trustworthy and could chalk up one mistake to simply being misinformed or something. But someone I didn't know well that did that to me? No way! I would be very clear and firm in explaining exactly what happened and why that person will never be trusted with my info again. If they feel bad - well, they probably ought to. I'd try to protect a friend's feelings more than an acquaintance's.