Author Topic: A friend took offense on my behalf. Should I comment on it?  (Read 5559 times)

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shivering

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Re: A friend took offense on my behalf. Should I comment on it?
« Reply #15 on: July 18, 2012, 02:21:28 PM »
Quote
I asked LDH to "please control your father when he meets my parents." LDH said "So you want my father to not be himself?" What a slap in the face wake-up call that was.

I get it, but I also disagree with this sentiment. A big part of etiquette and polite behavior is creating comfortable situations and putting others at ease; especially those you've just met.

Just because someone means well and is a great person at heart doesn't mean that it's okay to be  rude, crass, and tell insulting jokes. While someone shouldn't have to change their personality, toning it down for a first impression isn't an unreasonable request.

baglady

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Re: A friend took offense on my behalf. Should I comment on it?
« Reply #16 on: July 19, 2012, 12:31:59 AM »
I've got two problems with this. One is the idea of asking an adult to control the behavior of another adult -- especially a parent. I think a better alternative would be, "Hey, can you let your dad know my folks are kind of uptight, so I'd appreciate it if he watches his language when he meets them?"

The other is that asking dad to modify his behavior = asking dad to "not be himself." We all modify our behavior depending on the situation we're in -- workplace, locker room, church. You can refrain from insults and off-color jokes in a given situation without sacrificing your very identity.
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TheVapors

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Re: A friend took offense on my behalf. Should I comment on it?
« Reply #17 on: July 19, 2012, 12:34:07 AM »
I've got two problems with this. One is the idea of asking an adult to control the behavior of another adult -- especially a parent. I think a better alternative would be, "Hey, can you let your dad know my folks are kind of uptight, so I'd appreciate it if he watches his language when he meets them?"

The other is that asking dad to modify his behavior = asking dad to "not be himself." We all modify our behavior depending on the situation we're in -- workplace, locker room, church. You can refrain from insults and off-color jokes in a given situation without sacrificing your very identity.

Thank you, Baglady, I was trying to think of exactly how I felt about that. And the bolded is it!

LEMon

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Re: A friend took offense on my behalf. Should I comment on it?
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2012, 02:14:53 PM »
Would Ken even expect you to know what they argued over?  If I were Ken, I wouldn't expect you to know of our argument details.  The only unless would be if Ken were given the impression that you wanted him told to stop.

I would treat Ken as if there was no change in our relationship

Junior's conversation shows that he might have used Ken's comments to start the argument, but they weren't what was really bothering him.