General Etiquette > Life...in general

Say something? Nothing? When?

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TealDragon:
Fiance and I are supposed to attend a wedding in a couple weeks. Fiance really does not want to go. The couple getting married are good friends of his, but the maid of honor is his ex-girlfriend, whom he had big legal troubles with and lots of drama. She stole a lot of money from him and at one point, she threatened to kill him and she ended up spending a few weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Several of her friends are also going to be there, and all of them hate my DF and have made comments indicating that they still hold a grudge for what happened 8 years ago and blame me for DF not wanting to get back together with this girl. I think that the happy couple will be smart enough to seat us with people that we actually know and get along with instead of this small handful of people, and I think that simply ignoring them completely is the best way to handle it.

DF wants to call the groom and tell him that we won't be able to be at the reception or won't be able to stay for all of it. He wants to say that I've been having very bad migraines recently and my current medical treatment dictates that I take a certain medication, eat a healthy food, and then rest for an hour. While this is true, it's not nearly as severe/strict as he wants to make it sound, and it's very unlikely to be an issue at all. I think it would be better to just go and try to have a nice time and if it is too horribly uncomfortable, then we can decide to leave early and apologize/explain when we wish them well and say goodbye for the night. I also don't really want to lie to them or be the story for the lie.

Should we let them know ahead of time that we may leave early, or just see how it goes? Is there a better alternative?

Sharnita:
Honestly, I wouldn't go at all.  I'm not sure that I would remain friends with people who continued to esteem somebody who had done all of that to me and I certainly would avoid all social events that included her.  The fact that they made her MOH seems to indicate who ranks higher in their eyes.

hobish:
I would tell the groom the truth.
“Groom, I love you and I am happy for you. I know your wedding will be a really great day and I would feel terrible if a bunch of harpies started trouble just because of my presence. I feel bad bowing out, too; but I think it is better than taking a chance on your & Wifelie’s day being all messed up. Please join TealDragon and me for dinner when you are back from the honeymoon and you can tell us all about it and maybe show some pictures if you have any.”

Or something? I think blaming you and migraines is just … weak? I dunno … there is something I just don’t like about that lie. At least find a better lie if that is the way you’re going (and I am not being facetious or sarcastic).

Autumn Rose:

Personally, I dont believe in in avoiding events (that you WANT to attend) just because of someone else.

I would happily RSVP.    Go and have a wonderful time.    If ex starts drama, you can always leave. 
(And then at a much later date explain to B&G that ex was starting trouble...and you didnt want any drama to interfere with their day).

However, the MOH will probably be too busy to start up anything.

If there are other reasons your DH doesnt want to go,  just give them a decline (no excuses) and tell them you would love to meet up with them after the honeymoon.

But it seems a shame that B&G want you there....and you decline because of some past issues with a crazy ex!

 ;)    good luck!

Sharnita:
I guess knowing that they were good buddies with the person who threatened my life and put me through so much would affect how much I wanted to be with them, too. 

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