Hi all! I’m a “lurker”, and I enjoy reading the posts and sage wisdom of you all. I finally have a situation I would like opinions on. Gotta warn you – it’s a long one!
Just for background, in my group of friends the use of evite or email invitations is very common for the parties we have. The usual notice for a party is about a week, usually early in the same week of a Fri or Sat party. For those that aren’t familiar, evite is an electronic invitation website that also takes the RSVPs, so that you can easily say “yes/no/maybe” and see who else is coming.
About a week before New Year’s Eve, I decided to have a NYE party at my place since several of my friends wanted to get together but didn’t have a place to congregate. My place is small. I can fit a max of 10 people, so we are talking about my nearest & dearest here. The Tuesday before NYE, I send out the evite. Now, I never put the word out for a party unless I know that 2 other people are coming. It’s my “3 makes a party” rule. In other words, as long as you have 2 other people coming to your party it doesn’t matter if no one else comes – you’ll have a great time regardless. In my crazy mind it takes the pressure off worrying that the party will be dud. My friend S is very well aware of my “3 makes a party” rule – we have joked about it on several occasions.
So I send out the evite on Tuesday. As the host you can tell when someone has looked at the invitation. Several friends called to tell me that they could or couldn’t come, so they didn’t have to go to the evite and RSVP. By Friday, the evite only showed the “no” responses two people. All the “yeses” (4) to that point were verbal.
This is the part where I’m not sure if I’m getting too sensitive or if it really is kind of rude. I consider S a very good friend. I noticed that S looked at the evite everyday – Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. She didn’t respond until Saturday afternoon. On Sunday, she left a message for me saying that she noticed that no one RSVP’d “yes” so she didn’t think there would be a party.
This upsets me because it seemed that she checked the evite to make sure other people were coming. Like she wanted to make sure the “fun” people would be there. It makes me feel like she doesn’t value MY friendship, more that she values the social networking I’ve provided for her. And I’m hurt. More background: I am S’s primary connection to this particular group of friends. Most of us pursue community work are our career or at least a part-time passion. S doesn’t do any type of community work, either as volunteer or as part of her daily job. That’s not a bad thing, I’ve never held it against her, just to say that she wouldn’t have met this group of friends any other way. She has always been very welcomed by the group and has lots in common with everyone anyway. It’s definitely not a question of S not feeling comfortable or welcome within the group.
What do you think of this? Was S rude to check on who is coming to the party before she finally made up her mind? Or am I overly sensitive?