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Author Topic: Once you go black....  (Read 4793 times)

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kayesse

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Once you go black....
« on: July 04, 2012, 04:02:14 AM »
I've recently started dating a South African man (yay me - he's lovely!), he's black and I'm white.
I'm surprised at the amount of people - friends, acquaintances etc, who quote the above phrase and want to know how big his uh 'broom' is. Its obviously NOT something that I'm going to discuss with anyone (like my mother's friends or the girls I play hockey with) and I really dont know how to respond without being rude. I've tried bean dipping but it seems like the people who ask actually want me to respond.
This kind of question might also be being asked because not too many people I know have dated Africans or had mixed-race relationships and maybe want to know more about the relationship but are putting it in a clumsy way.
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Iris

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2012, 04:13:50 AM »
They ask you ...WHAT?? Okay, I can see that conversation taking place. With my absolute best friend in the whole world towards the bottom of a bottle of wine...and even then I wouldn't expect an ANSWER!!

I really think this is a great opportunity to practice your cold stare. You could throw in a "Now, why would you ask me that?" if you wanted. TBH I think this is a form of racism. I know that is a nuclear word but surely he should be accorded the same dignity and respect they would expect towards their own (white) partners.
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Hollanda

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2012, 05:06:55 AM »
"Why would I want to tell you that?" said laughingly. If she continued, a hard stare and "What an interesting assumption" would be fine. After that you wouldn't be out of line to walk away from the intimate and overly personal questions. Ugh why would it ever be ok to ask that?!?
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Redsoil

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2012, 05:24:12 AM »
"I don't think that's a suitable question.  I'm dating *name* because he's a lovely person"  Beandip...
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cicero

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2012, 05:53:53 AM »
Quote from: kayesse on July 04, 2012, 04:02:14 AM
Its obviously NOT something that I'm going to discuss with anyone (like my mother's friends or the girls I play hockey with) and I really dont know how to respond without being rude. I've tried bean dipping but it seems like the people who ask actually want me to respond.
This kind of question might also be being asked because not too many people I know have dated Africans or had mixed-race relationships and maybe want to know more about the relationship but are putting it in a clumsy way.
your "friends" are the ones being rude. that is a disgusting thing to ask - it's one thing to joke with a friend about a BF's (or Ex BF's) thing. but it's another to make such a prejudice, boorish and racist remark about "certain ethnic group"

I wouldn't worry about being rude. I'm not saying you *should* be rude, but you should certainly be very very clear and firm.

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Tilt Fairy

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2012, 06:15:45 AM »
Just say you're a lady and don't kiss and tell!
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TheVapors

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2012, 06:23:50 AM »
Let me just say that I can sympathize. It's a very awkward position to be in when people ask you those types of things. I always went with, "Wow. That's a really personal question. What's your boyfriend's penis like?"

I was a teenager at the time... so I can't exactly recommend the above as polite. It's more like retaliatory rudeness. And, luckily, no one ever answered me back, they just kinda laughed and changed the subject.

Instead, I'd recommend a look. A surprised, and almost horrified look. Then compose yourself. Say in a serious tone, "That's a very personal question." And beandip the heck out of it.

ETA: I also love Tilt Fairy's idea. "I don't kiss and tell" is a wonderful thing.
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caz

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2012, 06:45:05 AM »
We're not married yet!
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Winterlight

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2012, 07:48:04 AM »
I vote for dead silence and an icy stare. Then, "Soooo kind of you to take an interest," and walk away.
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Amalthea

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2012, 08:14:02 AM »
"Do you realize you just asked me about my sex life?"

I've luckily never run into this (knock on wood), but my friend used to get creepy questions about her ex-husband, who is Chinese.  If I catch her online soon, I'll ask her what she used to do about it.
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LadyClaire

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Re: Once you go black....
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2012, 08:22:04 AM »
A friend of mine is married to a Chinese man. While they were dating you would not believe the number of people who made comments about "small" Asian men.
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