General Etiquette > Family and Children

A little too generous... (warning, mentions loss of a child).

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pinklightbulb:
Hello wise E-hellions! I am a longtime lurker and would love your advice on this delicate subject. (Again, warning: this topic mentions loss of a child for those sensitive).

Main players:
Alice, James's mum
James (deceased child)
EJ, my first son
LJ, my second son
OH
Tim, OH's colleague and our ex housemate
Tim's partner Tammy

I am friends with a lovely woman,we will call Alice,  who married a man, Brad, that had five children already. They tried for their first together after they were married, and three months into my pregnancy with my son, EJ, Alice became pregnant. So our babies were very close in age, and when baby James was born, I gave her all my newborn clothes from EJ.

This is where the story becomes sad. When James was a few months old he was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder. Just before his first birthday, he died. I went to the funeral with a heavy heart and still cry now for this gorgeous little soul taken far too soon. Alice and me kept in touch on Facebook after James's death as clearly seeing my EJ (and any woman with a child J's age) was very upsetting for her.

I became pregnant again three months after James's death. When OH and I discovered we were expecting a second son we asked permission to honour James in the name. Alice was more than happy for this to happen. She then offered back EJ's clothing, along with a lot of James's clothing for the new arrival. In specific she mentioned a specific item of clothing that belonged to James that she wanted one of my boys to have (whichever it fit first/last).

This is where it gets a little hairy. OH's friend and our ex housemate, Tim, was expecting a baby that had the exact same dates as my second boy. Tim's boy was born two days before our little boy, LJ. OH, being the twit he is, offered half the clothing to Tim without telling me and gave one bag to him before both bags reached me.

Sod's law, the bag that Tim ended up with has the item of clothing in it that Alice mentioned she would like for my boys to have. Tim's partner Tammy didn't know where the clothing came from until yesterday, when Tim told her after she bugged him about it for the hundredth time. It is a sizeable bag of clothing, so fair enough. But receiving secondhand, well really, thirdhand clothing, once worn by a deceased child may be unsettling to some mothers and we didn't know how Tammy would take it. Once told, she was very upset and shaken by this revelation, but kept the clothing, which I am fine with--but I would really like this specific item of clothing that is in that bag.

How do I go about it, considering Tammy is quite unstable mentally and the reason why Tim was our housemate for six months before he took her back? She isn't by any means predictable. I've never met her, which doesn't help.

Am I wrong for requesting the item back?
Was my OH wrong to offer the clothing before consulting me?
Was OH in the wrong to offer it at all since it was not intended for Tammy?
If I am in the clear to ask for the item back, how do I go about it?
If not, what can I say to Alice when she asks about the item, if she does?

Please help me, E-hellions! I am rather stuck.

Edited to make things clearer with regard to names and who is who.

Sharnita:
This is really confusing with all the letters insted of names.

That beings said, I think that you can go to somebody and say your husband unknowingly loanend/gave a clothing item that had deep sentimental vakue to another family member.

pinklightbulb:
Should I modify it so it can be read more easily? New to all this, so I'm sorry.

Sharnita:
It might be helpful, yes.

pinklightbulb:
Done. Added the main players in a list up the top and given everyone names. Is this easier to read?

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