Friending and liking and blocking

[demarco]

Here are the facts:

I don't use facebook much.

My thirty something nephew sent me a friend request shortly after I opened my facebook account. I accepted the request. I received lots of things from nephew on my wall, photos, jokes, links, observations.  I "liked" some and commented on some. I presume these items were sent out to lots of nephew's friends, not just to me.

A few months ago, all messages from nephew stopped. I visited his wall and noticed that nothing new was being posted there.  He has put a couple of things up on his wall in the past few days. I tried to "like" one of them repeatedly but it doesn't work. The "like" count goes up by one but then it goes back down and my picture doesn't show up in the like list.

It appears to me that my nephew has blocked me, doesn't it?  Now, I can understand that there are things he might want to post that he doesn't want his aging aunt to see but ... everything? I can't understand why he would send me a friend request and then block me later on when I have done nothing, and I mean nothing, to offend him and it is not that I have suddenly become the aging aunt. I've always been the aging aunt.

My nephew has always been unfailingly polite and friendly to me.  We do not see each other often because of distance but are always friendly when we do see each other. 

Now, the etiquette question:

DH and I will be seeing nephew at Thanksgiving, along with several other members of his immediate family.  Should I ask him about this or just not mention it? 

[Judah]

I wouldn't mention it at all. He hasn't blocked you, if he had, he wouldn't exist to you on Facebook. He has likely limited your access you his page because he doesn't want that much contact with you on Facebook.  That doesn't mean that he doesn't want contact with you in real life. There are plenty of people whose company I truly enjoy but who I won't friend on Facebook.

[demarco]

Yes, but he did friend me.  That's what I don't understand. 

[jmarvellous]

It's him, not you.

I go through phases of restricting access to my family members and co-workers and lifting them sometimes and putting them back on again. It's about my comfort level, not theirs. I'd explain that if any of them asked.

I imagine my father's extended family was not happy when I defriended all of them, but one of them (most likely innocently) let my cut-off father see my page once, and that was enough. I didn't want to go on a witch hunt or explain our private business (and why I didn't want him to know about mine); I did want to put an abrupt end to any such sharing, though, and I wasn't getting much out of being their Facebook friend. If any of them had any other way to contact me, I'd be happy to associate with them again. Perhaps you should call your nephew if you want to keep in touch! You say yourself that you don't use Facebook much, anyway.

[MariaE]

Actually, it sounds to me like facebook being funny. He hasn't blocked you, or you wouldn't be able to see him at all. He doesn't seem to have restricted you, or you wouldn't be getting the "Like" button. It's just facebook being facebook. I wouldn't mention it.

[demarco]

After reading your responses, I agree that I shouldn't mention it.  It would be awkward no matter how the conversation went. 

[WillyNilly]

You absolutely aren't blocked.  Just take that word right out of the discussion.  If you were blocked you would not be able to eve search for his name, let alone see his page.  It would be exactly as if he'd deleted his entire account.

As for the "liking" sounds more like a FB quirk.  If he'd limited your access you wouldn't even see the posts.  Now did anyone else successfully "like" these things?  If not he might have restricted his posts so no one can "like" them.  If others have "liked" them and yours won't stick let me ask you this - how are you getting back from his page to yours?  If you use the "back" button on your browser it "unlikes" things.  You need to actually click the "Facebook" or "home" on the top of the screen to return to your page in order for the "like" to stick... which means yes, you revert back to the top of your feed and will have to scroll back down to where you were to keep checking older posts.

[Knitterly]

Sometimes facebook is dumb and quirky.  I had an issue a while ago where I couldn't like anything on ANYONE's wall and couldn't comment on anything and facebook was eating private messages.  Right now, facebook's current quirk on my profile is refusing to allow me to change my profile pic. 

It doesn't sound like your nephew has changed anything.  It sounds like facebook is being facebook. 

[Jones]

Facebook goes through these strange phases. Phasebook. For example, today apparently I am not allowed to change my profile picture. Tomorrow it might not let me share something I find funny (it has done that before). Sometimes it lets me comment to one person but not another. Fortunately, I am usually still able to PM, and I will if it's something I think is important.

[Knitterly]

Facebook goes through these strange phases. Phasebook. For example, today apparently I am not allowed to change my profile picture. Tomorrow it might not let me share something I find funny (it has done that before). Sometimes it lets me comment to one person but not another. Fortunately, I am usually still able to PM, and I will if it's something I think is important.

You're not able to change your profile pic, either??

So glad it's not just me!!

A few weeks ago, I couldn't update my status.  It was supremely frustrating!

[greencat]

Does he have you marked as "Family" on Facebook?  Around the time you mentioned (a few months ago) Facebook changed the way it handles post privacy and automatically grouped family together in a list.  You can set privacy options for groups to only be able to see your profile certain ways, and it may be that he's generally set "family" to have a more restricted access to his page and not automatically see the things he shares. 

[demarco]

I checked back hours later and now my "like" is recorded.

 

Does he have you marked as "Family" on Facebook?  Around the time you mentioned (a few months ago) Facebook changed the way it handles post privacy and automatically grouped family together in a list.  You can set privacy options for groups to only be able to see your profile certain ways, and it may be that he's generally set "family" to have a more restricted access to his page and not automatically see the things he shares. 

He must have me listed as family. When I look at his wall, my SIL, and only my SIL, pops up under his friends list.  But ... my DH (who is also a friend of nephew) does not pop up and he is also family!?

Facebook is just too much of a moving target for me to get a grip on.  I should probably just stick to the US Mail.

[Knitterly]

I checked back hours later and now my "like" is recorded.

 

Does he have you marked as "Family" on Facebook?  Around the time you mentioned (a few months ago) Facebook changed the way it handles post privacy and automatically grouped family together in a list.  You can set privacy options for groups to only be able to see your profile certain ways, and it may be that he's generally set "family" to have a more restricted access to his page and not automatically see the things he shares. 

He must have me listed as family. When I look at his wall, my SIL, and only my SIL, pops up under his friends list.  But ... my DH (who is also a friend of nephew) does not pop up and he is also family!?

Facebook is just too much of a moving target for me to get a grip on.  I should probably just stick to the US Mail.

The friend list that shows up is not a comprehensive list of one's friends.  You actually have to click the link that says "friends" on someone's profile to see the full list of their friends.

Facebook has gotten rather complicated lately.

[artk2002]

Yes, but he did friend me.  That's what I don't understand.

As we've discussed here before, "friend" means many things to many people on FB. For you, it's more intimate; for him, it's less so.

Also, don't take anything that FB does personally. It's a piece of garbage as far as software is concerned and will happily lose stuff, or have serious delays. Remember, it exists for two purposes: 1) To get revenue through clicks on ads; and 2) To get revenue through selling your information to 3rd parties. All of the "friend" stuff and being able to post pictures and articles are means to an end. Those features don't have to work well, only well enough.

[thedudeabides]

I checked back hours later and now my "like" is recorded.

FB is notoriously glitchy.  Doesn't sound like your nephew has done anything to keep you from posting.