Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

Shunned by our Haitian neighbors for no reason

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Kali:

--- Quote from: eastonp on July 11, 2012, 05:32:18 PM ---My wife and two kids live in Skokie, IL. Though we are in Chicago's northern suburbs, it's actually a pretty diverse community. I'm a teacher, my wife is an out-of-work social worker, daughter is six, son is two, pretty typical white American family, quiet but friendly, not obnoxious in any way that I can tell.

When our new neighbors moved in--a couple in their late 30s / early 40s, we introduced ourselves, learned names, exchanged pleasantries. And then they shunned us. Serious shunning. The kind of shunning where you say, "Hi, how are you?" and wave, and he pretends we don't exist. Like I'm Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense shunning.

Now I don't mind it so terribly. Obviously something is wrong, he thinks I did something, or who the hell knows what. But he and his wife do it to our kids. And we are left answering questions like, "Daddy, why doesn't our neighbor look at me or hear me talking?"

And two other things: he will set up a 10 foot monitor right next to our back fence and blast music for hours on end on the weekend. Also, his friends who come over will talk to us, say hi, very cordial and polite. But he and his wife...nothing.

What would you do? I've considered everything from writing a note to ask what we've done, to bringing over cupcakes that my daughter and I made, to just calling the cops the next time the music is out of hand.

Advice?

Shunned in Skokie

--- End quote ---

Is it possible you are doing something to annoy them, such as a barking dog? Or perhaps you have come off as "too friendly" and they simply don't want to take it to that level and are avoiding you. I had new neighbors move in across the street six months ago. I greeted them politely and said welcome to the neighborhood and basically left it at that. For a couple of weeks after that the kids were screaming "hi" from across the street and the parents and kids alike were noticing every time I pulled into my driveway. Completely annoying and I now just look the other way when they are out. After I stopped responding at all to the screams way across the street of "hi" they stopped.

Too friendly is no good either and feels like an invasion of privacy. The noise issue may be in response to a dog or something you are doing, or perhaps they are just inconsiderate.

VorFemme:
We moved into a new house back in 1992.  The homeowners across the street came over to meet us after our moving van left. 

It seems that the day the preacher & his wife had moved in, one of the the four strippers living in the same house with their live-in boyfriends had had a huge fight, ending with one of the girls going through a glass storm door - ambulance, police, and more drama that most people want next door or across the street.  Especially the preacher who had bought his house only days before moving in, not realizing that the one across the street was rented out....we rented it next, some six or eight months after the dramatic introduction to the neighborhood.

Fortunately, with two cats, a cute nine year old red headed girl, and a spouse in the military - we did not end up causing anyone to put their house up for sale to get away from us!  The girl next door did not like our daughter - but that was for reasons not related to my being a stay at home mom (as far as I knew).  The rest of the neighbors were glad that no one was sunbathing topless in the backyard to avoid tan lines any more........no fights, no loud drunken parties after the strip clubs closed, and we kept the lawn mowed on a more regular basis (hired someone when I got pg a few months later). 

But I got the distinct impression that there had been some very worried homeowners on the block!

They just didn't do a lot of fraternization with people who hadn't bought the house at about the same time they had - say about twenty or thirty years earlier....it was an area heavily populated with retirees or people about ten years from retirement.

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