General Etiquette > Life...in general

Roommate Common Space Sharing??

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ttaylor:
I share a 2bedroom/2 bath apartment with a roommate. Roommate has a boyfriend. Roommate is Christian, and is uncomfortable hanging out with her boyfriend anywhere but the living room (aka she won't hang out with him in her bedroom). Our apartment is open concept, so the kitchen/dining/living area is basically all one room. While I don't have a problem vacating the living space one night a week when he comes over for their Bible study, she's started having him over more often. Because they will only hang in the living room, and there's only one couch in there, this means that I'm banished to my bedroom whenever he comes over and only come in and out of my room for food and whatnot. They pop in at odd hours (like Sunday afternoon, or Wednesday at 9pm) and while it's half her apartment and having a guest is fine, it's a bit annoying that it's expected that they "get" the common space every single day. I kind of just avoid the living space now when I know she's out, because I never know if she'll be coming back with him or not, and it would be awkward for them to walk in and for me to be expected to leave. Even if she told me in advance he was coming, it would still be expected that I would leave the common space for them to hang out, which I feel is unfair since I pay to live in that space and he does not. (I should also mention that she moved into my apartment, and although I signed her onto the lease, the living furniture, down to the television, is still mine). Like what if I'm curled up on the couch with blankets etc watching a movie, and they just walk in?? Am I supposed to pack up all my stuff and go to my room because I know they don't want to chill in her bedroom, or just continue watching the movie and let them be uncomfortable and have to leave the apartment?? It's such a weird situation I don't even know what the etiquette is.

It would make more sense for them to hang out at his place (he lives in a house with roommates, so there's more rooms/space there to hang out in) but she's old fashioned and insists he pick her up/drop her off which is usually when they hang out. He comes in anywhere from 30 mins to 5 hours, which is why it's getting moderately annoying. I don't care so much now that it's summer because I'm home all day and have the apartment to myself during the day while she's at work, so I don't need to be in there in the evenings, but once school starts up again, the evenings will be my only relaxation time and I don't want to feel pressured to have to come home, and then go to my room for the night. Advice?

Judah:
Why do you have to leave the common area just because the boyfriend is there?  Why can't you all be in the common area?  I would just make myself comfortable on the couch or where ever and if they need privacy, they can go somewhere else.

sejeroo:
If its a common area- I don't see why you need to vacate.

Now, if she asked for a certain time- like say Wednesday evening from 5-8, and you agreed, that's one thing.

But if you are there at other times, and enjoying your tv or food or whatever, they can work around you.

Margo:
I agree. It's your home, too. You shouldn't feel obligated to leave the living room.

Have you talked with your roommate? If  neither of you is comfortable with you hanging out in the living space when her boyfriend is there maybe you would consider having a deal - you each get 1 or 2 nights where you have the living space to yourself, and the rest of the time you share.

Also - could she spend time in her room if she left the door open?

bah12:
By definition, a common area is common to those that live there, which means that in general one shouldn't expect that they can commendeer the space whenever they want.  Now, I can understand if you and your roommate would give each other this space at times, out of courtesy, but I think it's too much to expect that just because one of you has a guest, the common area is just for you and the guest.

So, does your roommate actually expect you to vacate the common area when her boyfriend is there, or do you feel like you should because having them hang out there together makes you uncomfortable?

In either case, this is something you should discuss with her.  Come up with some ground rules for guests such as when they can and can't come over and the expectation for the common area when they are over.

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