Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

You are such a creeper! UPDATE #12

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O'Dell:
I had a friend (note the past tense ;)) and went with complete silence. She kept at the "You *would*..." type statements. I regret not speaking up. Now I'd be inclined to say "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Excuse me?! Care to explain that?"

I've always had a hard time expressing why that sort of statement is so bad. To me it seems like the verbal equivalent of a sneer or eyeroll. And just like a sneer or eyeroll it is rude and expresses contempt but in a passive aggressive way that is hard to tackle directly.

And the insulting statement said for all to hear...that too seems like a frenemy tactic. If this stuff is new behavior, then maybe ask if she is upset with you and let her air any grievances if she has them. Maybe she's upset and doesn't know how to handle it and it's coming out in a destructive way. Not an excuse for her, but it might be worth a shot to once and only once ask her directly why she said that.

TheVapors:

--- Quote from: O'Dell on July 14, 2012, 05:35:09 PM ---I had a friend (note the past tense ;)) and went with complete silence. She kept at the "You *would*..." type statements. I regret not speaking up. Now I'd be inclined to say "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Excuse me?! Care to explain that?"

I've always had a hard time expressing why that sort of statement is so bad. To me it seems like the verbal equivalent of a sneer or eyeroll. And just like a sneer or eyeroll it is rude and expresses contempt but in a passive aggressive way that is hard to tackle directly.

And the insulting statement said for all to hear...that too seems like a frenemy tactic. If this stuff is new behavior, then maybe ask if she is upset with you and let her air any grievances if she has them. Maybe she's upset and doesn't know how to handle it and it's coming out in a destructive way. Not an excuse for her, but it might be worth a shot to once and only once ask her directly why she said that.

--- End quote ---

To the bolded: exactly.

I think it might be a good idea to give this person a little rope with which to hang herself. "Would you care to explain what you mean by that?" Then, you let her explain. If it was meant in a lovingly teasing way it would come to light. And if it was not, then that'll also come to light.

Either way, you get to decide what you want to do about it from that point. Ask her to stop, or add distance, or any manner of choices depending on how you normally feel about this person.

deety:
  Later, I went to this awesome rice pudding shop.  They have really funny signs inside

(sorry, I deleted the quoty bits.  I'm obsessed with rice pudding)

Perchance, was this a rich rice store?  ;)

NyaChan:

--- Quote from: deety on July 14, 2012, 06:14:44 PM ---  Later, I went to this awesome rice pudding shop.  They have really funny signs inside

(sorry, I deleted the quoty bits.  I'm obsessed with rice pudding)

Perchance, was this a rich rice store?  ;)

--- End quote ---

Yup :D Rice to Riches - I was trying not to completely outgrow my wardrobe (horizontally I mean) this summer, but I could not resist the rice pudding.

Twik:
The thing about "oh, you would..." statements like this is that they ARE a sneer and an eyeroll. The OP's friend is clearly implying that (a) everyone should know that taking such pictures is improper, and (b) the OP commonly does improper things.

I can only agree that you should call her on this (and possibly change her status from friend to frenemy). However, you'll probably get a sigh and "Oh, you WOULD make a big deal out of this!"

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