Author Topic: You are such a creeper! UPDATE #12  (Read 10999 times)

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NyaChan

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You are such a creeper! UPDATE #12
« on: July 14, 2012, 01:33:01 PM »
I don't know if I did the right thing here, but I couldn't think of anything that wasn't me defending myself to someone when I hadn't done anything wrong (at least to my thinking, please let me know if I am off on that) so I just kept quiet and then walked away for a while.


At a work event, we were taken on a tour of a famous building where a famous person and all his staff works.  It is a beautiful building and there are tours given to the public, however, as our organization's Head is one of the famous person's key advisors and has offices there, we got a little extra information and access.  Pretty much everyone on the tour had camera phones and multiple people were taking pictures, there was also a photographer there taking pictures of our Head. 

At one point, we were taken from the show areas to the offices where people actually work.  We were taken in multiple groups of 10 due to limited space and to avoid bothering people with the noise.  I was in the second to last group and noticed that people were also taking pictures in there and our Head was standing right there and even waited so that a girl could get a great shot.  So I go in, I didn't take pictures at first because my guy friend was and I knew I could get copies from him (he is taller and I couldn't get a clear shot).  Our Head pointed out the famous person's desk.  He was not there, but as we walked out, I took a zoomed in picture of the name plate (not the actual desk or anything) and there was a woman working in a desk closer to where I stood - she was not in the picture I took, and didn't even look up from her work (nor did anyone else while we were there for that matter). 

My female friend goes "You are such a creeper!) in a semi-loud voice that anyone standing near could hear and then walked out.  When I left the room, she was standing there and again repeated it, saying "You are such a creeper, taking random people's picture like that while they are working. Jeez!"  I inwardly shrugged and walked away to another area.  Later, I went to this awesome rice pudding shop.  They have really funny signs inside so I shot a quick pic of a couple that had particular meaning to me (other people were doing it too, the shop is known to have interesting and funny signage.)  The female friend asked me the other day how the rice pudding outing went and I said it was really good and the shop was so neat.  I took out the phone to show her the picture of a sign I thought she'd find amusing and she goes "God, you WOULD have taken a picture!"

Now let me just say, I don't constantly take pictures of things, in fact, when I am at home I almost never do.  This is a special experience for me this summer and I wanted some pictures to show my family and remember it by.  This person has been taking photos just as much if not more than I do.  We apparently just take photos of different things, for example, she'll spend time trying to get the perfect shot of the sunset while I like to watch it first hand, but I love taking pictures of things that I just find amusing or cool.  Like at the museum, there was a plaque about Baluchistan.  My mom & I love Georgette Heyer (reading is the only thing we really connect over) and in Frederica, there is a funny chapter about a Baluchistan hound so I snapped a picture and made sure to send it to her. I mean, the girl and I BOTH have a photo blog! 

I thought maybe she was making the comment because she thought it was unprofessional of me and didn't want to be associated with me?  What do you guys think?
« Last Edit: August 12, 2012, 12:06:57 AM by NyaChan »

Hawkwatcher

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2012, 03:14:55 PM »
I think that she was teasing you.  I wouldn't change my behavior but I would tell her to politely "knock it off" if it gets on your nerves.

NyaChan

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2012, 04:15:59 PM »
That's the thing, if she said with even a hint of smile or in a friendly tone, I would have laughed.  But she said it as if she were irritated with me and I felt for a moment as if I had done something wrong.  I don't think she was teasing me.

violinp

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2012, 04:35:43 PM »
Yeah, I think complete silence is the only way to deal with that, if only because I cannot find something appropriate to say back.
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Shoo

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2012, 04:49:41 PM »
What an immature, stupid thing for her to say.  I mean, not only is it insulting, it doesn't even make sense!

I'd give her stony silence on this one too.  In fact, I doubt I'd go out of my way to talk to her much at all after this. 

O'Dell

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2012, 05:35:09 PM »
I had a friend (note the past tense ;)) and went with complete silence. She kept at the "You *would*..." type statements. I regret not speaking up. Now I'd be inclined to say "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Excuse me?! Care to explain that?"

I've always had a hard time expressing why that sort of statement is so bad. To me it seems like the verbal equivalent of a sneer or eyeroll. And just like a sneer or eyeroll it is rude and expresses contempt but in a passive aggressive way that is hard to tackle directly.

And the insulting statement said for all to hear...that too seems like a frenemy tactic. If this stuff is new behavior, then maybe ask if she is upset with you and let her air any grievances if she has them. Maybe she's upset and doesn't know how to handle it and it's coming out in a destructive way. Not an excuse for her, but it might be worth a shot to once and only once ask her directly why she said that.
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TheVapors

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2012, 05:51:54 PM »
I had a friend (note the past tense ;)) and went with complete silence. She kept at the "You *would*..." type statements. I regret not speaking up. Now I'd be inclined to say "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Excuse me?! Care to explain that?"

I've always had a hard time expressing why that sort of statement is so bad. To me it seems like the verbal equivalent of a sneer or eyeroll. And just like a sneer or eyeroll it is rude and expresses contempt but in a passive aggressive way that is hard to tackle directly.

And the insulting statement said for all to hear...that too seems like a frenemy tactic. If this stuff is new behavior, then maybe ask if she is upset with you and let her air any grievances if she has them. Maybe she's upset and doesn't know how to handle it and it's coming out in a destructive way. Not an excuse for her, but it might be worth a shot to once and only once ask her directly why she said that.

To the bolded: exactly.

I think it might be a good idea to give this person a little rope with which to hang herself. "Would you care to explain what you mean by that?" Then, you let her explain. If it was meant in a lovingly teasing way it would come to light. And if it was not, then that'll also come to light.

Either way, you get to decide what you want to do about it from that point. Ask her to stop, or add distance, or any manner of choices depending on how you normally feel about this person.

deety

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2012, 06:14:44 PM »
  Later, I went to this awesome rice pudding shop.  They have really funny signs inside

(sorry, I deleted the quoty bits.  I'm obsessed with rice pudding)

Perchance, was this a rich rice store?  ;)

NyaChan

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2012, 12:07:08 AM »
  Later, I went to this awesome rice pudding shop.  They have really funny signs inside

(sorry, I deleted the quoty bits.  I'm obsessed with rice pudding)

Perchance, was this a rich rice store?  ;)

Yup :D Rice to Riches - I was trying not to completely outgrow my wardrobe (horizontally I mean) this summer, but I could not resist the rice pudding.

Twik

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2012, 09:47:55 AM »
The thing about "oh, you would..." statements like this is that they ARE a sneer and an eyeroll. The OP's friend is clearly implying that (a) everyone should know that taking such pictures is improper, and (b) the OP commonly does improper things.

I can only agree that you should call her on this (and possibly change her status from friend to frenemy). However, you'll probably get a sigh and "Oh, you WOULD make a big deal out of this!"
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BeagleMommy

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2012, 12:29:08 PM »
OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.  People might look at some pictures I took and wonder what I was thinking.

DH and I are polar opposites.  I tell people that I married a less extreme version of Dr. Sheldon Cooper.  He married an avid reader, particularly of British novels of the 1800s.  He can quote Tolkein.  I have T-shirts he says I "need to explain to people" (my most recent purchase says Anne of Cleves is My BFF).  Very often one of us will say something and the other will go "Oh, you WOULD know all about that!", but we tease each other that way.  If you don't think your friend was teasing I would ask her to explain the verbal eye roll.

aloe

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2012, 02:59:57 AM »
I think her comments to you were abusive.

If this happened to me, I would not consider the person a friend anymore and would try to limit contact.

NyaChan

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Re: You are such a creeper!
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2012, 12:06:35 AM »
UPDATE -  Well, things went a little south in this situation so I waited a good bit before updating.  At first, things worked well - we were on a tour and she was going with another person to take pictures from a high vantage point and asked if I wanted to come as well.  I said no (it was really hot that day and I didn't feel like it).  When she came back, she said "I'm surprised YOU turned down the opportunity to take pictures."  I just looked at her and asked in as even a tone as I could manage (and I think I managed pretty well  :) ) "What do you mean by that?"  She had a few false starts in her reply and then finally said, "Well there were some really great pictures from there."  I just said "oh." 

Unfortunately, things got a bit tense between us when we worked on a project together which is not a usual occurrence for that sort of assignment.  Really, the attorney who gave it to us called it a group project and mentioned that we should work on it together, but it was not suited to that.  She came to my office to talk about how to go about the first stage of the project which was researching 2 topics - I had done both before, she had done one.  We were throwing out ideas, but she didn't really have much input.  I mentioned some cases that I remembered - not by name, as I didn't remember them, but by the fact pattern because I figured that if she came across it while researching it might click for her that it was a helpful case and give it a closer look.  As we were talking though, she started making negative faces and sounds.  Even though she wrote stuff down, she'd sigh every time I spoke, do a a half-grimace, or when I described a case, I'd barely get the sentence finished before she'd snapped back "I don't know what that case is called."  Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and when she all but rolled her eyes at me and snapped again, I replied, "I'm not asking you to throw out the case name, I'm just trying to throw some ideas out there."  I said that it didn't seem like this meeting was really helping and why don't we just get started and regroup later to see how we are both doing.  She then started protesting that she was writing it all down and what was I talking about.  I kept repeating that I didn't think this meeting was productive or helping either of us.  Finally she stormed out of my office saying, "Whatever, this is not productive.  I'm going to work on my own."

Half an hour later, she storms back into my office, shuts the door rather loudly without a word and goes off on a rant.  She said "I'm sorry if you THINK that I rolling my eyes at you or whatever, but I wasn't.  The only time I did was at the end because I thought you were being INCREDIBLY rude.  Now this is what I have done so far..." and just went on like nothing had happened.  I was irritated because it seemed like a complete non-apology to me, especially since she took the opportunity to say whatever she wanted and then changed the subject so that I could not respond.  In the interests of just getting things done, not making things worse, and figuring that the stress of the end of the summer was probably getting to us both, I just went with it and finished the assignment.  Unfortunately it wasn't the last run-in before the end of the summer, but on the whole, I think we parted on decent terms.

Hawkwatcher

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Re: You are such a creeper! UPDATE #12
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2012, 04:32:52 PM »
She sounds horribly immature.  I am glad that you have parted ways.

Marbles

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Re: You are such a creeper! UPDATE #12
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2012, 12:28:31 AM »
So, she knows ahe has an eye rolling problem (she mentions it without you calling her out on it), but it isn't her fault?   ::)