Author Topic: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop! - Update P7, P14  (Read 9215 times)

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BarensMom

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I friended a guy from one of my FB groups recently.  At first, we chatted about he group's topic, but now it seems he's obsessed about one of the other (female) members, calling her "my sister" and constantly asking advice and harping about her, her husband and kids, her tattoo, her work, etc.  I've tried redirecting, ignoring, saying "I don't  want to know/care," and flat-out telling him that his obsession isn't healthy and he needs to stop.  Nothing works.  He will notice if I de-friend him and he is an admin of this group.  Any advice?
« Last Edit: September 16, 2012, 09:28:44 AM by BarensMom »

The Ricker

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2012, 05:54:10 PM »
Who cares if he notices a de-friending?  Report and block him.

greencat

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2012, 05:59:48 PM »
POD to The Ricker.  Let the group member he's obsessing over know about it.  Let any other group admins know what's going on as well.

thedudeabides

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2012, 06:00:12 PM »
Just unfriend him and be done.  If at least one of the other admins can reach you, you should be fine.

BarensMom

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2012, 06:10:33 PM »
I decided to just leave the group - there are other groups for the same topic.  I also just sent a message to the girl, asking if I can tell her something in confidence.  If she responds, I'll let her know about Mr. Obsessive.

Is this grounds for reporting this guy to FB?  He's only irritating me, and I don't know what he's saying to her via Chat.

The Ricker

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2012, 06:57:10 PM »
I decided to just leave the group - there are other groups for the same topic.  I also just sent a message to the girl, asking if I can tell her something in confidence.  If she responds, I'll let her know about Mr. Obsessive.

Is this grounds for reporting this guy to FB?  He's only irritating me, and I don't know what he's saying to her via Chat.

Report it and the FB powers that be will make that determination.

Elphaba

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop!
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2012, 09:07:33 AM »
FB lets you put people into "lists"of friends  I think this is mainly supposed to be an organizational thing, but you can use it to block people from seeing that you're online to chat but still stay friends with them, and it's easier to make a group (IMHO) than to block chatting individually.

Here's what you do:

Log on to FB, and on the right hand side, below "Favorites" and "Groups" there should be a list of "Friends".  Hover over the "Friends" title and a little link called "More" should appear. Click it. This will show you all the "lists" of friends you have. If you've never done this, you'll probably already have some as FB auto-groups some people for you. In the top right, click the button that says "Create List". Call the new list "No Chat" or something. In the "Members" list, start typing this guys name and it should auto-complete for you. Do this for all the other people you don't want to chat with.

Then, go down and click the "Options" button in the chat window (it looks like a cog) and click "Advanced Settings" in the pop up menu. It in the new window click the button for "All your friends see you except..." and then in the box next to that, type the name of the list you made in the above step. Again it should auto-complete for you.  This is also where you can block individuals from seeing you're on chat, but I find it easier to do in groups because then I can add/remove them all if I'm in a chatty mood. Then click "Save" at the bottom of that window.

He'll still be able to message you, but it will go to your inbox where you can ignore it more easily  :) And no, from what I know, people can't see if you've put them in a list, but if you're concerned, just call the list something silly and "nice" so they don't know what you're using it for.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2012, 09:10:18 AM by Elphaba »

BarensMom

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Well, this has been interesting:

I followed a PP's advice and told an admin and the group's originator about this guy's behavior.  It turned out that he was also chatting the same stuff to another admin about this girl.  The originator asked that I post my concerns to the admin subgroup, which I did.  It turned out that one of the admins is a false female identity for Mr. Obsessive and he called me on it.  I replied, "now you know how others view your behavior."  The other admins called it "weird" and there it stands.  Mr. Obsessive e-mailed me apologizing for the over-the-top behavior, but I'm not even going there.

This whole experience is leading me to think I should just take down my FB page for a while.  If and when I recreate it, limit it to just family and people I know IRL.  I just wanted to share an interest with others of like mind, but the angst and self-manufactured drama of these people is too much.

Moray

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Why take down your page when you can just block the creeper and his sockpuppet?
Utah

BarensMom

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I blocked the creeper and his sock puppet, but now I'm paranoid as to who I friended from the group is real and who is a sock puppet.  I've locked down as much of my info as I can, but it turns out that these guys pride themselves on hacking other groups.  So if I disappear from FB entirely for a while, their attention will eventually be diverted by the next group war or some other silly thing.

I heard back from the girl in question.  I told her the things creeper told me about her and her family.  She and her husband have been getting as many as 100 messages a day from this guy, even when they were offline.  Of course, he is telling her that I'm lying, but, considering his behavior, she believes me.   

FB has long lost it charm for me, so it's no skin off my nose if I disappear for a while.

GrammarNerd

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Can't FB kick these people off for violating Facebook's terms of service?  I mean, with all of the misrepresentaton, stalking and spamming, they must have violated SOME FB TOS guidelines.

BarensMom

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Can't FB kick these people off for violating Facebook's terms of service?  I mean, with all of the misrepresentaton, stalking and spamming, they must have violated SOME FB TOS guidelines.

If one complains to FB, does FB respond to the person issuing the complaint? 

aiki

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Can't FB kick these people off for violating Facebook's terms of service?  I mean, with all of the misrepresentaton, stalking and spamming, they must have violated SOME FB TOS guidelines.

For a start, one is not supposed to have more than one FB account...
"A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude."  - Oscar Wilde

pierrotlunaire0

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Can't FB kick these people off for violating Facebook's terms of service?  I mean, with all of the misrepresentaton, stalking and spamming, they must have violated SOME FB TOS guidelines.

For a start, one is not supposed to have more than one FB account...

My sister had a sock puppet on FB.  Originally it was to supplement her Mafia, although since she has been playing for some 2-3 years, she doesn't even need "Amy" any more.  But just recently she got a message from FB to de-activate that account or risk losing her own account.  So Amy is dead.  I was a little concerned that since we use the same computer that FB would think I was a sock puppet also, but since I have very specific info, and friends totally separate from hers, they must have decided that I am real.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

BarensMom

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Re: FB Chat Question - I don't want to hear about it, so stop! - Update P7, P14
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2012, 09:26:24 AM »
Bumping this thread for an update:

I had banned the stalker from the group (I had admin rights).  The other members (mostly young guys) questioned me on it, and, with the young lady's permission, I posted a truncated version of the stalker's badgering text messages, and informed them that stalker had been reported to FB.  It was agreed among the admins that the banishment would stand.

The originator of the group has now posted that "it's been long enough and I'm letting (stalker) back into the group."  My response was that in principle, I could not stay with a group that condones stalking and I have left the group and unfriended everyone from it except the victim.  I've texted her that the group was allowing him back and I've left.  Once she responds, I'll unfriend her and cut all ties.

I'm mystified why stalker guy is still on FB.  Two women and myself reported him - why wasn't he banned from FB?

Here are my etiquette questions:  Was my "goodbye cruel forum post" justified or rude?  Was I rude for immediately unfriending the members of this group?